I’m not old, but I ain’t no spring chicken, either.

Because I’m settled down and in prime baby-makin’ age — I get asked these questions a lot:

Stranger: “Do you have kids?”
TStorm: “Not that I know of!”

Friend: “When are you and Nate going to have kids?”
TStorm: “I have puppies for now. I’d rather ruin my carpet than my life”

Obviously – people know right away that I’m annoying.

Someone who should expect me to be annoying (but still gets surprised) is my handsome husband.

The other day he called me from the ship (he’s deployed) and said, “Cutiez, oh my gosh – I saw the CUTEST picture today.”

I swear I could hear the ticking of his biological clock in the background

“Baby- this picture was of Kara (the wife of a buddy who’s deployed with him right now) mowing the lawn – with her little boy mowing the lawn next to her with his toy bubble-mower. Isn’t that awesome?”

My response:

“Rooniez, let me break that cute little picture down for you.”

<He knew he was in for it>

“First of all — I know Kara has another child, like a 6 month old or something… where was THAT baby during the time of the photo? Sitting on the porch? Shitting or barfing itself inside the house? Or maybe being watched by a teenage neighbor who Kara was paying $20 an hour to? Secondly – SHE WAS MOWING THE F-ING LAWN. It’s hot. Thirdly - she was ENTERTAINING a THREE YEAR OLD. How many times did she have to re-fill the bubble compartment? How many times did he start crying in-between bubble availability? Fourthly - she was MOWING the lawn! Fifthly - who took the PICTURE? The pool boy? Because if I had to mow my lawn and watch 2 children… I’d have a pool boy to take my CUTE PICTURES!”

He gulped then changed the subject, “Soooo, I bought you a present today.”

—-

All that being said – I had dinner with the Johnson’s tonight. This family is awesome. They pray together. They are polite. They are appreciative. They laugh. They play. They even make it a little easier for me to see a future with kids in it one day.

One day.

Maybe.

Abriella & Abraham

Ethan!

Day 76 was a day of one-upping.

Jaime and Maddie came over. Phizz kept jumping up and licking Jaime. Most people push Phizz away, instead Jaime grabbed her for more. Phizz finally got to play with someone just like her.

Jaime is just the one to give Phizz a taste of her own medicine

Then I studied with some folks from the MBA program. Patti was talking shit to Tre …. Then he fixed her computer.
But he couldn’t just silently appreciate his inner victory:

Pics JUST got in from Therese’s FGB in San Antonio!

I want to do a video thang… that will have to come later.

For now, I must study for tomorrow’s final.

Therese - showing her arms for first time - need I say it? Yes! BADASS!

Friday I prepped for Fight Gone Bad. I did this by applying tanning lotion and getting margaritas with my friend Kristi.

Tequila helps you get in the fightin' mood

Saturday was Fight Gone Bad. This is the fundraising event I’ve been writing about for a while now.

I don’t have pics of Therese yet – so I’m going to wait for posting the details until tomorrow!

Smiling with MikeMiller after FGB - he was my counter

Purple sports bra to symbolize Purple Heart recipients. Can’t wait to see Therese’s pics tomorrow!

Thanks for pushing me, Mike! Thanks to all the folks at CrossFit Coastal. Thanks to the folks at CrossFit Wilmington for coming out in the rain. It was a great day!

More details tomorrow!

Star News reporter CeCe Nunn did an amazing job – and I’m not just saying that because it features me and Therese.

Workout takes on new meaning when sister challenges twin to accept scars from Iraq

Story HERE.

Today = Badass Day

!

Therese and I are going to get matching sports bras for the Fight Gone Bad challenge this Saturday. Since we’ve raised WAY OVER $200 for her – she HAS to do the FGB workout without wearing her usual long-sleeved attire.

We decided to get matching PURPLE sports bras. The color purple will symbolize the Purple Heart medal that is awarded to our wounded warriors.

Therese Frentz receiving her Purple Heart

A public note to Therese:

Sis,

I am so proud of you. On Saturday you are going to kick ass at the Fight Gone Bad workout.

I did some digging and I found a picture. This photo was taken late 2004 – the FIRST TIME YOU WERE ABLE TO WALK WITHOUT FALLING. It was a month or so after the bombing that you finally were able to stand up and make one lap around the hospital. Emotionally, I remember the nurses coming out from their different stations and cheering and clapping for you. The physical therapy nurse next to you – he was so proud of you. We all were.

And we are now. YOU’VE COME SO FAR.

You’ll do great on Saturday. It will most likely be difficult to shed your armor and do the workout with just your sports bra on. Remember that your scars are the marks of a hero. Each shrapnel bump and skin graft line tells the story of who you are now – a beautiful and strong badass.

- and although I’ll be thousands of miles away – I’ll be cheering you on from here – just like I did that day in this photo.

love,
T

If you survive a bomb blast, you get badass status for life

More info on Fight Gone Bad Here.

Post about Therese’s challenge Here.

Worked out this morning. It was the “Tabata This” workout. It was okay. You could only count your lowest score (explained here)… which I’m not sure promotes an athlete trying their hardest…. because once you get a low #, do you really push yourself to do higher in any of the subsequent rounds? I’m sure some expert can tell me why I’m wrong with this opinion. Either way, I left the gym disappointed in the WOD

Went to UNCW to do the Teacher’s Assistant thang.

It rained and rained all day. My badass mission for the day included surfing… I was supposed to try and catch some waves with my friend Tim this afternoon- but that got canceled because of the lightning.

So things were blah, until I realized it was Tuesday. Tuesday = 10% off at Flaming Amy’s IF you have a tattoo. Well, I’ve never been able to get the discount… until today… I was able to take advantage of it. $6 later, I had an avocado burrito … it includes BACON!

I met my buddy Tim Caso and his friend there (when surfing gets canceled the next substitute = big ass burrito). We laughed and had a good time — and now I have to share a story his friend Rusty told.

Rusty:
“Yeah, so I went out to a bar one night and accidentally left without grabbing my jacket. My phone was in the pocket. Apparently, some little punks found my jacket and phone. They were able to go through my personal history and read my text messages to decipher the different relationships I have in my life: ie: girlfriend, girlfriend’s mom, friends, etc. At 2am, these little assholes text messaged my girlfriend’s mom with this message: “I have been living a lie. I am in love. But it is not with your daughter… I’m in love with YOU.”

Long story short – after some heartache – we got everything straightened out. The few hours that my girlfriend thought that I sent her mother a love text were pretty painful though.”

Then the best part of his story:
“I wanted to be mad… but that’s pretty f-ing hilarious.”

I agree.

The little punks DIDN’T steal his phone… they just tried to ruin his relationship. That’s not that horrible. It’s pretty badass.

Would I do something like that?

Probably not. I’d make a call and get the phone back to the owner… super hero style. Everyone likes the good guy.

Rusty and the lost cell phone that almost cost him his future wife

I guess Day 69 in the badass journey is an appropriate day to feel completely upside down.

On Saturday night my drunk ass put my iPhone in the cup holder of my car. The cup holder had a glass of water sitting in it. The iPhone got half-way submerged into the water. (I was not driving!) I took it out quickly, wiped it off and forgot about it.

Everything was fine until I realized the phone would not charge on my car charger. I figured the car charger stopped working (Low expectations – I bought it at TJ Max). Turns out – it wouldn’t charge on the house plug either.

So, I didn’t realize the phone was affected by the water until half a day later when it completely died and there was nothing I could do to charge it up again.

So at this point, like any normal child from the late 80’s – my default solution was to wrap my mouth around the bottom of the phone and blow. Hard. Seemed logical – that’s what we did with our gray Nintendo games. If Super Mario Bros wouldn’t work – we’d take the game out, blow on it until we got light-headed – and put it back in — good to freakin’ go.

So, imagine my disappointment when, after a good blow, I still couldn’t get it turned on. (haha)

Did some research – googled other douchers who submerge their phones in water – turns out — sticking the iPhone in UNCOOKED rice actually may help the drying-out process (aaah, the opposite approach of blowing the bottom with my hot chicken tender breath).

three to four letters on each key AND it's not a touch screen - yet it mocked my iPhone as it sat in the rice

Meanwhile – I figured I was missing tens of calls… so I went to AT&T to buy a cheapy phone to use in the meantime. Their cheapest phone is $186.00.

So! I went to Wal-Mart (if you’ve read my blog post about how I feel about Family Dollar — Wal-Mart is only one or two steps above that place) to buy their cheapest phone.

$29!

The #’s stored on my iPhone didn’t transfer to my new little Samsung. I just got a text a few moments ago from a number I didn’t recognize who simply said, “TStorm, you should totally be Lady GaGa for Halloween” — I don’t even know who wrote that – and I kind of like the mystery. (Honestly, I wouldn’t recognize my own mother’s phone # – thanks to technology I haven’t had to remember a # or address since 1999)

To tap the night off – an even stranger and less predictable thing happened — I discovered MOLD on a brick of cheese in MY fridge. Anyone who knows me would tell you that TStorm would never let cheese get moldy – it’s the one thing that I buy frequently and eat most often. Maybe this means I’m growing up?

A sign I'm getting over my cheese addiction!

The food in the background of the picture is actually dog food… I lost their dog bowls last time I had them boarded — so they get to eat out of the family dishes now.

The weekend – as usual – was a blur.

Friday’s WOD
“The Broomstick Mile”
25 Back squats, 25 Front Squats, 25 Overhead Squats, Run 400 meters
25 Shoulder Press, 25 Push Press, 25 Push-Jerk, Run 400 meters
50 Squat Cleans, Run 400 meters
50 Snatches, Run 400 meters

All of this work, except for the runs, is supposed to be done with a one inch by 6-foot dowel. The moves are done in synchrony and the run is kept to the pace of the slowest runner. Everyone stays together for every rep. Our team used 35# instead of the wooden dowel… badass. It took us over 40 minutes – but it was a great WOD.

Friday night Jaime and Maddie came over. The night started with everyone wanting to go out – but then it fizzled (or Phizzled?) to just hanging out at my house. I was feeling like I was getting a cold – so Team Lima opted to bring Vitamin C to aid the sickness – we made Mimosas!

Mimosas for Maddie and Thera!

Saturday I woke up too late to make it to the 10am workout – but I got to the gym in time to do some skill work and then a “small” workout which included 5 rounds of 200 M run, 10 ring dips, 15 KB swings and 20 GHD sit-ups. I learned a new kipping style pull-up too – I think that may be my ticket to finally getting my muscle up one day.

Saturday night — now THAT was a fun night. I got to see my old cronies at Thalian Hall (staff, etc.) for their first performance of the season – called the Rainbow Room series in the Ballroom (the Main Stage is currently under renovation). Mr. Barefoot – the programming director was able to book Igudesman and Joo — a hilarious violin/piano comedy duo. These guys are extremely clever – see some of their videos on YouTube.

After the show I asked for a picture – see below.

Joo & Storm & Igudesman

I looked at the picture and exclaimed how Asian Joo looked. Then we started joking back and forth – and next thing we knew we were heading to Costello’s for drinks downtown.

The night became a blur of joking, dancing, shots and laughter. I felt like I met the male version of myself (Aleksey Igudesman – the Russian counterpart) – he was a complete stranger for only a minute. I discovered that “Lex,” like me, sickly enjoys awkward moments.

It was about 2am when we realized (at Pravda no less) that I was Lex’s ride home!

Then, like an angel – my buddy Geoff flies in to the front entrance to Pravda. Without question he drove my car to take Lex back to his hotel in Mayfaire and got us all home safely. Geoff is single, gorgeous and can get 400 points on Fight Gone Bad… so if there are any single ladies out there – please apply through my screening process to see if you make the cut.

Sunday I had a meeting with my MBA group.

Came back out to parking lot at UNCW to my dusty little Volkswagen. I discovered that someone had drawn a penis in the dust on the back window.  Turns out it was my friend Michael who defiled my car– he’s going to regret doing it – because now I can make fun of him for only drawing it with one ball.

I was on the phone with Zeke – saying how I really needed to wash my car – I had a dusty hatchback with a one-balled penis etched on the back – right next to my CrossFit Coastal decal. Zeke said to pick him up and he knew of a car wash that had a special triple-foam coating spray GUN that would make someone like me, who enjoys the little things in life, get really freaking excited.

AND he was RIGHT!

A good friend knows that the little things in life make me happy - like colorful foamy soap!

So, like Geoff, if there are any single girls out there who are interested in the cutie pictured above- you’ll have to go through me for an application process as well.

Oh! And I dropped my iPhone in water Saturday night – so it doesn’t charge anymore.
So… basically…. I feel like someone chopped off my right arm.

All in all – it was a badass weekend.

Today I received a phone call from a friend – she asked to remain nameless.

The conversation went like this:

Anonymous friend: “Thera. Girrrrl. Have I got a story for you.”

TStorm: “Bring it on!”

Anonymous friend: “Okay, so I got up at 4am to travel this morning. I had a protein shake made with milk. Then I had an iced coffee with cream.”

<BREAK> – so you know when a story starts off with someone describing what they ate for breakfast… it’s going to be a shit story.

continue

Anonymous friend: “Yeah, so I am on the road. I couldn’t find where I was trying to go. I was getting anxious… and I really, really did not feel well.”

TStorm: “You had to poop something fierce, didn’t you?”

Anonymous friend: “Yes. But I couldn’t find a bathroom. I couldn’t find my destination. I was desperate. It was awful…”

and then like a prisoner under interrogation she screams confession-style

Anonymous friend: “I’m a grown ass woman and I shit myself!!!”

TStorm: “Holy shit. I mean, damn girl. Yes, you are too old to be shitting yourself. What did you do?!”

Anonymous friend: “I had to get a HOTEL room so I could clean myself up!”

TStorm: “Oooh, noooo.”

Anonymous friend: “Yes, I shit myself and had to rent a hotel room to take a shower…. all before 9am”

Wow.

Here’s the moral of this story. Most grown women would be mortified and completely done for the day if this happened to them. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m sure this friend of mine would have preferred to have her day begin WITHOUT penguin walking to a hotel desk clerk asking if they had hourly rates… but she DID realize the humor in the situation and laughed about it.

So, now, whenever I think I’m having a shitty day…

In the MBA program professors seem to like the usage of nifty 2×2 matrices to explain business relationships like competitive advantage or differentiation between rival companies and industries.

Tonight, around 7:30pm (an hour and a half into class) I started drifting off into dream land. This always happens. I  give the first hour and a half a lot of focus… but then after that… I’m spent. It’s this time of night that I find the darkness of my own flighty little brain to be much more entertaining than the teacher.

So tonight while the professor was explaining a 2×2 matrix of globalization and some other bizness shit… I started making a 2×2 matrix of my own!

Here is a scan of my doodling during class.

Health vs Badass Matrix

As you can see, the OPTIMAL quadrant to be in would be the HIGH HEALTH / HIGH BADASS Quadrant.

I want to avoid doing anything that would go into the LOW HEALTH / LOW BADASS Quadrant.

Simple!

So I started plotting the things I did today for example.

I had a gyno appointment. Very healthy… yet not badass at all!

I had to take some TheraFlu because I’m getting a cold… this is moderately healthy — and moderately badass – because… hellooooo – it’s called Thera-Flu!

Now, I’m making this idea public… but I reserve the rights to this idea. I am going to make this concept into an iPhone app – so people can plot their day on the Health/Badass scale… and I’ll be a gabillionaire!! Hollar.

After class we had our social for the MBA Association. As the social chair, I got to help coordinate it (a little) and get some of the raffle prizes.

A few of UNCW's c/o 2011 MBA crew

Turns out – MBA nerds can throw it down just like the best of ‘em!

Shirt tied around the waist - always an indicator something bad happened

Even my buddy Greg had a wardrobe mishap – and that didn’t stop him!

Speaking of wardrobe changes — I smell like an ashtray. Gotta get cleaned up and get my badass beauty rest! Good night!

Today (from previous post) I found out that I paid about $20 for the wrong damn movie. (That’s what happens when you wait 2 months to open up your netflix movie, only to find out that they put the wrong movie in the DVD sleeve).

Before that I worked on skills at CrossFit Coastal – sprints, running and weighted GHD Sit-ups.

This is a lot harder than it looks (I always say that, don't I?)

Then I had breakfast and came back home to get some work done. The MBAA has a social tomorrow night and I was hoping to get some good raffle prizes together for it. I even emailed a professor and suggested that he’d be popular if he donated a point to our final grade to give away as a raffle prize. He emailed me back his response, “no.”

If I were a professor, I’d say “yes” – I’m just sayin’.

Then Team Lima came over for dinner. We grilled burgers. Maddie also helped me go through my fridge and tell me what to throw away. She said, “Thera, if your vegetables have a milky substance coming from them, it’s a good indicator they need to be tossed!”

Note taken!

Not only is CrossFit like the best fitness method ever… CrossFit as an entity hosts a national fundraiser every year to raise money for a great cause. Does your gym do this?

This fundraiser involves a kick-ass workout called Fight Gone Bad. Well, obviously, every CrossFit workout is a Kick-ass workout… but this one… let’s just say… makes me start my period every time I do it. My body is like (in Wanda Sykes voice), “shit, girl. This is traumatic. Pain like this usually involves bleeding. Squirrrrt.“

Anyone can register as an athlete to participate. Athletes who register can raise funds through donors/sponsors and all of the proceeds go to the charities chosen for that year. To register find a team to join here. (search for CrossFit Coastal if you’re in the Wilmington area).

This year one of the two charities who benefit from this fundraiser is the Wounded Warrior project.

Obviously, this hits close to home for me because Therese my twin sis is a wounded warrior. A couple of posts back “Therese Frentz, it’s time to take your shirt off” I go into more details about her injuries sustained while deployed to Iraq.

On September 26, 2009 Therese will be doing Fight Gone Bad at her gym in San Antonio (with just her sports bra on… the first time her scarred arms will see sunlight since October 2004) at the same moment that I’m doing Fight Gone Bad here in Wilmington, NC at CrossFit Coastal.

A lot of my awesome friends donated to Therese’s efforts – because we said that if she raised over $200 that she’d have to do the workout with just her sports bra on. Well… she’s up to $1,055!!!

As a participating athlete, I can raise funds, too. It all goes to the same pot, but as a representative of CrossFit Coastal, I hope to raise some money, too. If you’d like to donate $1 or $2 please click HERE

Thank you in advance for your support. Even if you want to come out that day (10am to noon Saturday September 26) – it’s going to be an amazing event to witness.

So, for practice we did Fight Gone Bad today.

Here’s a play by play of the workout:

The bell goes off and you start 1 minute max reps of Wallballs (14# for women)
Then the bell goes off again and you immediately start Sumo Deadlift High Pulls (55# for women) and do as many as you can in one minute.
Bell dings again and you go straight into 20″ Box Jumps – your heart is pounding but you have 1 minute to do as many as you can.
Boom – bell rings again and you’ve got to pick the bar back up and do Push Presses for a solid minute (55# for women)
The bell rings again and you jump on the Row machine for a minute of pulling to count as many calories you burn.

And then, at last, you get a glorious minute to rest. You lay on the floor and try to get your blood pressure down… because you have TWO MORE ROUNDS of this.

It sounds a lot easier when you look at it on the whiteboard. When you’re in the middle of it – especially during the sumos on round two — your head starts telling you, “Yeah, TStorm, this fucking sucks.”

Finally when you’re done (and you high five the person who’s been counting your reps and motivating you to push yourself) you fall on the floor and fight off the feeling to puke (if you haven’t already done that during box jumps round 3).

Your score keeper calculates your score — and that’s your Fight Gone Bad total.

Today, I got 267.

My goal when I first started CrossFit was to break 200.

Now I hope to break 300.

I got home and Phizz was totally stoked that my armpits were still sweaty.

Phizz loves a stinky armpit

Then I was stoked, because I used my voodoo focusing technique that the dog trainer taught me and got Phizz to smile for a picture.

Happiness is a focused furbaby

Now, that my friends, was a badass day.

I’m starting to get a little freaked out.

The other day I went for a jog. I put Phizz in the kennel and left Trooper inside with her (I needed a Mommy break). I left the door unlocked. I live in the quaint little town of Hampstead plus I’ve had a very sheltered life – so I don’t proactively think about locking my doors to my car or my house.

When I got back half an hour later, I walked up to my porch to find a single shoe sitting on the front door mat.

Weird.

I walked inside and said, “hellloooo?”

No answer. So I proceeded to walk around the house and look under every bed and inside every closet.

Surely Trooper or Phizz would be barking or acting weird if someone came in the house, right?

I got ready and left… and upon leaving the front door – I noticed the shoe was GONE.

Weird.

So then, yesterday, I’m inside the house with the dogs – getting ready to head to campus – when the cleaning folks who come by every couple of weeks walked right inside my front door. Phizz and Trooper didn’t bark at all.

Sweet. Nate’s deployed. I’m by MYSELF and I have two BROKEN dogs who can’t bark to warn me that STRANGERS just walked into my house without knocking.

So last night after a long MBA class and birthday celebration afterwards for Michael Stark with Jenn and friends – I got home late to get some much needed rest. I was lying in the dark, trying to fall asleep – it was about 1am… and I just let my thoughts get the best of me – and I became totally freaked out.

I thought I saw images in the dark. Trooper acted strange – kept getting up and down to walk outside the doggie door. I thought maybe someone was in the house with me? I turned all the lights on. I just lay there awake – weirded out.

Finally I fell asleep (with some sleep aids). I woke up this morning deciding that I’ll never leave my house unlocked again. I need to made adult decisions… ones that keep me from being freaked out for no real reason.

Because, afterall, being scared is definitely NOT badass.

This weekend was so chock-full of badassness that I had no time to post!

Friday included volunteer work (one of my goals set for amping up badass missions)…. the fun kind of volunteer work that begins with setting up for an event… centers around drinking and socializing at the event… and ends with cleaning up the event. It’s like a volunteer sandwich — and it’s all worth it because of the meat in the middle.

Hospice, an amazing non-profit hosted a luau (coordinated by my lovely bff Jenn Czech.) to raise funds for their organization.

Brian, TStorm, JennCzech, Sea Ray Jay

The “meat” portion involved meeting some great new people. Brian and Jay were my favorite. Brian even gave me some suggestions for badass missions – like doing things completely opposite of what I enjoy — like going to the Library (without my iPhone) to study or read a book for a few hours. Sounds like torture. I vote no.

Saturday I jogged a 5K around the neighborhood and then went to UNCW for a big meeting with my MBA group. We accomplished a lot of the things we missed the boat on for the initial environmental analysis draft. I hadn’t eaten all day but Michael gave me half of his gallon of apple juice to keep me somewhat focused.

Then Saturday evening I met Kim, EB, Mandy, Misty and Rachel out for at touristy night on the town… Wilmington’s Haunted Pub Crawl! Imagine bar hopping in downtown Wilmington while a tour guide tells you spooky stories of ghost sightings at each venue… that’s an equation of silliness, scariness and social drinking — my favorite formula!

The Un-Badass part was that because I drank so much applejuice during my MBA meeting – - and then had dinner (salad and sweet potato soup at Deluxe)…. I was in quite a painful situation….  The combination of an empty stomach, apple juice, and then eating dinner with a martini left me doubled over with that gas that gets stuck right underneath your ribcage, ya know what I’m talking about? The pub crawl started and I almost wanted to lay on the sticky bar floor in fetal position. I knew if I pushed through it – secretly massaged my stomach – the gas would eventually work its way through. And… it passed! I pretty much propelled myself through the entire pub crawl.

Mandy, Kim, TStorm, Blackbeard, Rachel - can you tell I'm in need of Gas-X in this picture?

Sunday me and some friends went to Geoff’s baseball game to cheer and support him at his first city league game. Unfortunately I arrived there by myself… BOTH TEAMS were wearing the same exact blue jersey/gray pants uniform and every man on the field LOOKED EXACTLY THE SAME. I didn’t know where to sit. I had to cheer for every single player until I figured out which one was Geoff — then I was able to accurately cheer for the correct team (and him in particular).

Team Name "BreakTime" -- so what's really on their mind?

It was a busy and very fun weekend. The weather was beautiful. I double-dipped wings in ranch sauce I was sharing with Jenn. I found a new dog toy in my house – one I didn’t buy. I hang power cleaned dog food at Costco. I sweated any balls off (that I may have grown?) while sitting in the bleachers at the baseball game. I made new friends. I got a carepackage for Nate put together. I worked with Phizz some more on “focusing” – right before she ran away and shit in my neighbor’s yard.

The good outweighed the bad – so it was a great weekend. Now time for sleep!

I came home today to a scary smell.

Thank God it was not the smell of  Phizz shitting herself…. It was, instead, the undeniable stench of “you almost burned your entire house down by leaving the coffee pot on, you jackass.” I got home, opened the door, and immediately dropped everything in my hands and ran to the kitchen. I turned the cheap little machine off, moved the carafe and then…

few more hours there would have been smoke - and with the massive dust bunnies I have in this house... shit would have been history...

I got this overwhelming feeling of having a new lease on life. It’s kind of the same feeling you get when you take a pregnancy test and it’s negative. You get this burst of energy – like a sense of being invincible. Thoughts run through your head of not what could have happened – but all the money you just saved. In this particular case – money saved by NOT burning down my entire house. In my mind – by flying in super-hero style just in the knick of time… I just earned about $200,000.

Sweet!

So – since I have so much MONEY now (from saving our family from total destruction, insurance claims and heartache) I have decided to:

1) Get CrossFit Level 1 Certifications for me and Nate (January Golden, CO)

2) Take a trip to see my sister in law, Kayla (sweet- she lives in Golden, CO)

3) Get lazer hair removal on every inch of my body below my eyelashes.

4) Pay someone to vacuum out all the dog hair in my car.

5) Invest in a strategic marketing campaign to get the word out about CrossFit Coastal’s awesome Women-only on-ramp program.

6) Buy a brain transplant for Phizz.

7) Employ a 24-hour pool boy

Get a pool

9) Hire a personal chef who only makes me Paleo meals and shuts the fuck up when I say I need a beer.

10) Get spray tans on Mondays

11) Massages on Tuesdays

12) Pay off the dean at UNCW to just give me my MBA… and while they’re at it, Pay off all the freaking parking tickets I’m accumulating

Well, only SOME of the items above are true… we’ll find out as the badass journey continues.

OH!

I forgot to mention – a fellow blogger who I don’t know (but admire through our Internet friendship) saw a T-shirt online and thought of me today. I think it’s pretty badass when people act on impulses and share things that remind them of you.

AND!

I’m copying and pasting this from my email account:

Hi!
My name is Thera Storm. I currently train at CrossFit Coastal and go to graduate school at UNCW.

I’m also on a journey to becoming a badass…. as you can see here: www.tstormbecomesbadass.com

I’m not particularly sexy OR badass, however, I am extremely interested in trying out to become a rollergirl.

Do you have tryouts? How can I be involved?

Your response is much appreciated!

TStorm

RESPONSE TODAY (kinda so-so, if you ask me.  I wanted more gumption!)

Hey Thera, I’m sorry but I missed this mail somehow. All you need to do is come to a practice at 6:30 on wed evenings at Scooters Rink to get started. The trainers will give you all the info on what’s required and expected. We have pads for you to borrow a couple of times to try until you decide to pursue it more. You can also use the speed skates at the rink. I suggest you get your own mouth guard though!

So, there ya have it – I made thousands of dollars today AND was offered “pads” from some Cape Fear Roller girls.

Didn’t workout today, but forgot to post yesterday’s WOD:
Hang Squat Cleans and Press 3×3x3×3x3×3x3 each at 83#

dip, shrug, get under it fast in squat position, stand up, push-press. Repeat.

Today I had my first appointment with the dog trainer.

It was a bit of  a sting to my badass ego. Obviously, I’m not the alpha dog.

Comments from dog trainer:

“Phizz does not respect you at all”

“Hmm… Phizz is in outerspace”

“We might have to take a more aggressive approach with this one…”

“She’s a bad girl”

So… do I keep paying this woman or is it a lost cause?

Phizz was tired from the hour of focusing.

my big retarded baby was worn out from an hour of "re-focusing"

On day 56 this little badass encoutered a lesson – don’t take simple shit for granted.

Here’s the thing – although I’d like to say I appreciate everything- like my house, husband, broken fertility bits… I do, unfortunately, take a lot of things for granted.

One of these things is water.

wait a second, usually H20 comes out when I turn the knob

You don’t realize how much you use water until it isn’t available.

Brushing my teeth, washing my hands, flushing turds down the toilet… all of these daily tasks require water.

This is why my world turned upside down when I arrived home from Tallahassee on Monday night and realized there was no running water in my little house.

Now, I’m not sure about the construction in YOUR home – but here in Hampstead our breaker that “trips” is located UNDERNEATH THE MIDDLE OF OUR HOUSE.

When our water stops running (usually after a hard rain) we (Nate) go under the house to reset the breaker switchy thingy… and oila! we have running water again.

Inside the wooden door - open and enter scary crawl space

Well, my oila! man isn’t here.

In my pre-badass days, I’d bitch about it and then probably call a neighbor to reset the breaker… since low-crawling in a dark space among spiders and snakes is not really my thang.

But, I sucked it up.

My Nate-sized spider and snake fighting suit

I put on a mechanical suit. And flipped the damn switch myself.

I swear I heard Trooper and Phizz say, "oh, heeeellll no, mama" when I asked them to go in with me.

Proof I reset it myself

Done!

Today was the day to leave Tallahassee – but not without a WOD with my dear friend Abby. Abby and I have known each other since 6th grade and we’ve been college roomates, bridesmaids in each other’s weddings and now have a long distance CrossFit relationship. I didn’t get to see her awesome husband, Micah – maybe next visit! They both workout here.

Me, Therese and Abby met at a high school track in Tallahassee, FL this morning to do sprints, lunges and push-ups. It was a great workout. (The great thing about CrossFit workouts is that you can do them AWAY FROM THE GYM! More ideas for away-from-home workouts here.)

Two sweaty crossfit chicks on a track = badass

Then I got back to my parents house and packed up. Right before they dropped me off at the airport we went to a fantastic Mexican Restaurant. Not very Paleo — but Therese gave me her Paleo book to borrow – so I’ll be reading up on it this week- I’m excited to get my diet in check. I keep thinking I’m doing the right stuff – but I’m not.

un foto por favor (Ryan, Rowen, Stacey, Val, Me, Daddio, Therese, Devin)

This week I’ve got a major paper due in one of my classes – yikes! I also have DOG TRAINING on Wednesday! The badass adventure continues…

Weddings are stressful. Besides my own, I’ve been on the “support staff” in 11 of them.

My favorite part of a wedding (with alcohol) is the reception – after all the vows, pictures, first dances, cake cutting and bouquet tosses… After all of this – the bride and groom finally relax.

Bridesmaids take their shoes off and the grandparents go home.

This is when the alcohol kicks in and the fun begins.

We’re feeling pretty good after doing the Cuban Shuffle and the bride (Stacey) comes up to me and tells me how lame I am with my bad form in opening a beer bottle without my hands. I said “prove that you can do it, biatch” — and she did.

Then, Andrew, the hit of the party… asked me to dance. I felt like the most popular girl at prom.

He chose me

 It was a fun night.

A daddio and his girls (Stacey was off doing her bride thang)

Friday started at 4:30am with an early flight to Tallahassee, Fl.

I was sitting on the plane as the flight attendants made an announcement to watch their safety instruction performance. I always pay attention. Not because I’m fearful of a plane crash or because I plan on being a hero in an emergency situation. I pay attention because they ask me to. I was wondering to myself if the flight attendants were offended by people who never acknowledge them, continuing their conversations, reading their books and closing their eyes in attempt to catch some sleep. 

As I was wondering this, the man next to me turns towards me and says, “I always think it’s so rude when people don’t pay attention during this part.”

!

Turns out “Shane” my neighbor was one of the most interesting people I’ve met in a long time. He had a beautiful spirit and I am a better person for knowing him.

He even offered me an Oatmeal Pie – and I asked if I could take his picture.

A complete stranger offers me their only oatmeal pie

No workout today. Ate a wrap from Quizno’s with some diet green tea. Yeah – big fail for nutritional eating and exercise today.

Woke up early to drop the dogs off at “Gilligan’s Barkery and Dog Spa” where they’ll spend this weekend while I’m off to Florida for Stacey’s wedding. (Bridesmaid duty #11)

Trooper’s face when I left her – her eyes say it all, “Mommy, don’t leave me with Phizz. I’ll be a good girl. I won’t eat your panties.”

Phizz – her eyes say, ” ————— !”

I got home and rushed to UNCW to introduce the guest speaker for the Entrepreneurship class I’m a TA for. All I ask of this class is to listen and to pass the attendance sheet around. These tards always end up having to line up afterwards to sign the attendance sheet, because it never successfully makes it around to all of the rows of students.

Then I “studied” for my Strategic Management exam that would be taking place in a few hours. I study by walking over to the student union, getting some food, sitting at a table with my book and notes… and trying to drown out the conversations that are taking place  among the undergrads around me.  These conversations are mostly boring and completely shallow – but they’re at a loud enough volume that lets me believe they want to be heard… which intrigues me – maybe something really cool is about to be said… now? … wait for it… now? Is that all you’ve got??

Example: “And she said I looked gay and I was all, it’s just a V-neck and she was all like can I borrow it and I was all like crazy ho just wants to call me gay so I’ll give her my V-neck.”

The eavesdropping on these conversations leave me heading to class feeling even more stupid than I did earlier in the day… when I was singing the “please get in the car” song to Phizz.

The other MBA students have flash cards and are arguing their interpretation of the diagram in section 2.2 of the text book… I’m checking my phone to see if I have any new text messages.

Took the test. Didn’t ace it – but us badasses need to keep a low profile, right?

generously sharing my pesky pistachio nuts

I had some pistachio nuts that I shared with my friend who sits to the left of me. I gave her all the ones that are sealed all the way shut. It gave me mild pleasure to see her struggling to crack them open while taking notes and keeping eye contact with the professor.

Got home around 10pm.

Now doing laundry and updating my iPod for tomorrow’s travel day… which starts at 5am!

I’ll get to Tallahassee around 10:30 in the morning. Especially excited about seeing my Daddio! Therese is already there and told me she showed him my blog today. She said he just shook his head. <?>

Pictures of a badass in a bridesmaid dress coming soon…

What an awesome day.

Within hours of my post about Therese taking her shirt off – we raised over $500 for the FGB fundraiser. I called her and said, “Girl, get ready – you’ve got to do the workout in just a sports bra.”

She is overwhelmed by everyone’s generosity – and a little nervous about the Big Day.

I kinda feel like I can glean some badass points from Therese today. Yes, today was a good day.

AND – if you still want to donate – it’s going to a great cause – so keep giving!

WOD for me today:

This workout made me start my period.

Run one mile (7:51)
Rest 2 minutes
2 minutes on Rower
2 minutes of Thrusters (45#)
2 minutes of 14# Medicine Ball Cleans
2 minutes of double-unders
2 minutes of pull-ups
Score: 152

My mile run isn’t earth-shatteringly fast — but it’s better than it was when I was playing varsity soccer in high school.

Today we did one of those workouts that reminds me how different the CrossFit method is from any other type of fitness routine.

The total workout was short and intense – less than 7 minutes… and it leveled everyone in there.

Warm-up
Run 800 meters
3 Rounds of Shoulder pass throughs, Overhead Squats (with dowel), 10 pull-ups

Skill
3-3-3 Deadlifts (I worked up to 200#s)

WOD
7 rounds of:
5 Thrusters
5 Sumo Deadlift High Pulls
Sprint 100 Meters
(2 minute rest after each round)

7pm class doing thrusters

These workouts get me prepared for a badass life. Maybe not for opening beer bottles without hands — but for necessary things I do in every day life – like running to catch a bus, wrestling tigers and slaying dragons.

I ate pretty healthy today too – I even COOKED – it was an awkward pork meal with squash and mushrooms. Wouldn’t win an award – but it’s better than my default eat-out alternatives.