I’m not old, but I ain’t no spring chicken, either.
Because I’m settled down and in prime baby-makin’ age — I get asked these questions a lot:
Stranger: “Do you have kids?”
TStorm: “Not that I know of!”
Friend: “When are you and Nate going to have kids?”
TStorm: “I have puppies for now. I’d rather ruin my carpet than my life”
Obviously – people know right away that I’m annoying.
Someone who should expect me to be annoying (but still gets surprised) is my handsome husband.
The other day he called me from the ship (he’s deployed) and said, “Cutiez, oh my gosh – I saw the CUTEST picture today.”
I swear I could hear the ticking of his biological clock in the background
“Baby- this picture was of Kara (the wife of a buddy who’s deployed with him right now) mowing the lawn – with her little boy mowing the lawn next to her with his toy bubble-mower. Isn’t that awesome?”
My response:
“Rooniez, let me break that cute little picture down for you.”
<He knew he was in for it>
“First of all — I know Kara has another child, like a 6 month old or something… where was THAT baby during the time of the photo? Sitting on the porch? Shitting or barfing itself inside the house? Or maybe being watched by a teenage neighbor who Kara was paying $20 an hour to? Secondly – SHE WAS MOWING THE F-ING LAWN. It’s hot. Thirdly - she was ENTERTAINING a THREE YEAR OLD. How many times did she have to re-fill the bubble compartment? How many times did he start crying in-between bubble availability? Fourthly - she was MOWING the lawn! Fifthly - who took the PICTURE? The pool boy? Because if I had to mow my lawn and watch 2 children… I’d have a pool boy to take my CUTE PICTURES!”
He gulped then changed the subject, “Soooo, I bought you a present today.”
—-
All that being said – I had dinner with the Johnson’s tonight. This family is awesome. They pray together. They are polite. They are appreciative. They laugh. They play. They even make it a little easier for me to see a future with kids in it one day.
One day.
Maybe.
Abriella & Abraham
Ethan!
LMAO Thera!! You forgot to mention when Quinn spit up on your rug when he was a baby! I am sure that helped contribute, haha.
ill have to side with nate on this one buddy. kids over YOUR dogs ANY day. first off kids dont regularly eat shoes, wallets, money, rocks, poop, or sofas.
notice i said regularly – they might on occassion eat a nickel, some dirt, or possibly a stink nugget, but I’ve never seen a baby eat a sofa.
yeah and the Johnson family makes me want to have a family of my own
Just remember, you’re getting my first born and any kid I have and don’t want after that, so be prepared
You’re so right! Having kids is definitely not all fingerpainting and hugs! Love your blog, you crack me up!
You are not annoying! There is nothing wrong with knowing what you want and what you don’t want. Life with babies is not always summarized in a cute little picture. When you’re ready for kids, ruined carpet is an acceptable part of your life! Then the ruination is not only limited to carpet but entire days. -Maybe I’m annoying because I refuse to sugar coat life with kids. I get so annoyed with the people who ask when I’m going to have more kids. Seriously?? Isn’t two enough? It’s enough for me. If I had three kids, I’d have to ask for medication. My other annoyance… people (my mom) who say I’m so lucky to stay home with my kids. Some days, like the days when Bug finger painted his room with poop, I didn’t feel so lucky.
Someday girl, you’ll be ready for the kid adventure. Enjoy the quiet, carefree time with your husband for now.
First of all, Zeke – Phizz and Trooper do NOT eat poop. Everything else you said was accurate, though.
Abby, please consider the shipping costs of getting a baby to N.C. Wouldn’t it be cheaper to take firstborn to Sopchoppy?
Rach, you’re super-mom. You’re REAL – and I appreciate that.
Kara, thanks for giving me fodder for a blog
Kate, Phizz has done way more destruction than Quinn could ever dream of.
Thanks for the good come backs to when people ask me if “I have children”. It’s always an awkward moment for a 30-something gal I’ll respond with I have a dog . . I’d have my carpet ruined than my entire life” You are hilarious. I love this blog.
Uhhh…..Thera, you realize my unwanted child would live in SOPCHOPPY. I couldn’t do that to the little bastard.
This is Abby speaking for Micah BTW. He would totally be against me giving away our first born.
It’s funny that our husbands’ clocks are ticking faster than ours!
But don’t worry, someday your dogs will probably start eating poop, apparently it’s an acquired taste. My dog only started eating cat poop in the last year or so, just you wait.
Thera,
We loved having you. The kids loved seeing themselves on your blog. Whenever the lord decides it’s time for you to have kids you’ll be a great mom.
Sam and the kids.