This is for the ladies:

Imagine.

Imagine a world where we see ourselves the way God sees us.

—-

We enter this world as infants, innocent and ready to receive love.

Then the ugly world takes over.

We’re taught about insecurity, pain, mistrust, bitterness and anger.

We become victims of  judgment and discrimination.

We grow up to resent our genetics and place ourselves on a ladder of the perceptions of imperfect men. We weigh our value on their perceptions of beauty, sex and love.

Imagine a world where these perceptions didn’t matter.

Unfortunately my friends, A world like that will never exist.

So what do we do?

We must take a step outside of ourselves and learn to love what we see… inside and out.

We are tainted with experience. We are not perfect. But on those days that we feel beautiful… when our pants fit just right and our shirt hangs appropriately… these are the days that we have an extra pep in our step.

The “pep in our step” is intangible… but obvious. People can’t put their finger on it… but when a confident women walks up to you… you know it. She loves herself. She feels beautiful. She feels smart. She feels strong.

I believe every woman has the capability to feel this way.

Imagine if tomorrow 50% of women felt extra confident. Imagine! The world would completely change! You’d have women speaking up, teaching a friend something new, volunteering, earning higher education, overcoming an obstacle, standing up for themselves…

Come with me. Join me on this journey.

Women are capable of many, many things. We are capable of pushing past the boundaries that DO NOT exist.

I believe physical strength corresponds with inner confidence. Physical strength is possible. It’s only a kettlebell or push-up away.

It’s so close. Reach out and grab it. This is your life. You are capable of conquering the world.

got this pic off of crossfit.com main site

Workout of the Day
“Angie”
100 Pullups
100 Pushups
100 Situps
100 Squats

Did Angie as RX’d and finished in exactly 20:07! I am a freak, because this is my favorite workout (Besides Cindy). I also like Murph, which is a similar WOD (but harder): 1 mile run, 100 pull-ups, 200 push-ups, 300 air squats, 1 mile run. I prefer the body weight stuff (ring dips, etc.) to weightlifting workouts that involve thrusters and Overhead Squats.

—

But alas, my battle with emotions continues. Found myself squirting tears all day. And don’t tell me it’s from the Christmas Music. I get the opposite effect from holiday tunes – especially from that one weird ass song about sending shoes to a dead mother in heaven… don’t get that one at all.  I love how the DJs are always really somber after that song plays… when really you know inside their head they’re thinking, “I’ll lower my voice and act sensitive, even though I have no fucking clue what that song is about!”

Anyway! I don’t know. Just feel like crying (when usually I’m slow to openly cry). And when the tears come it’s like this beautiful release – kinda like scratching an itch or drinking water after a workout. The tears feel natural and good – like they’re satisfying an urge I’ve had for a long time.

Devin asked me to re-post a story I wrote a few years ago. It’s a true story about getting shit faced. See below (it originally aired on MySpace in 2006)

Warning: This Blog Contains Foul Incontinence

They say pimpin’ ain’t easy. Neither is dog-sitting a seventy pound lab with “issues.”

See, Therese (twin sis) came to visit me this past summer. She brought along her lovable, easy-going, friendly yellow lab named Dullard. Therese rescued Dullard from a doggie fostering agency in Texas. He’s somewhere between 3 and 5 years old – and although he can’t speak of his past experiences as a stray, his issues certainly paint a pretty good picture. A picture clear enough that Therese named him Dullard within a few hours of his adoption.

Therese’s visit to North Carolina had one condition: she had to go to Washington D.C. for a week to take care of business, but she would be back to hang out with me for a week after that. She asked that I watch Dullard while she was in D.C. Seemed like no big deal to me, after all, I already have a dog, Trooper.

Fur cousins: my dog Trooper and Therese's dog Dullard in 2006

Before Therese pulled out of my driveway, she warned me, “oh, Dullard is afraid of certain lights, cell phones, strange noises, lightning, thunder, vacuums, laser levelers, other dogs, pooping in strange places, most people, food…”

Day 1 went by pretty well. I was concerned, though, because Dullard hadn’t eaten or pooped since Therese had left. I would walk him on his long leash around the neighborhood but we weren’t having much luck. Therese warned me that he would run away. She also threatened to kill me if I lost her dog.

By day 2, during one of our walks, Dullard started to squat. I was so excited that he was finally defecating that I didn’t realize my strategic placement about 10 feet behind him. Well, without warning, after his poop was complete, he started revving his hind legs like he was about to start a motorcycle. Trooper does this, too, however she’s about 50 lbs. lighter and she’s much more dainty about it. What FELT like MUD flew into my face – right in the TEAR DUCT of my left eye.

Immediately the smell hit me.

Dog shit had just flown onto my face.

Well, let me tell you, I’m a gagger. I gag if I see someone else gag.
Dog shit on my face brought my experience in gagging to a whole new level. I basically dry-heaved and violently gagged the entire way back into the house. I was blind in one eye, had a dog freaking out by my strange reaction on a leash, and doubled-over heaving the entire way back to the closest bathroom. I ran to the vanity, and gagged some more at the site of dog shit on my face. I had to take my fingernails and scrape the dog shit off my eye. By then my stomach hurt from the dry heaving and I was washing my face like a desperate teenager with acne.

Day 3. Dullard missed his trusted owner so much that he got a little condition I’m familiar with: IBS. Dullard started breathing heavy this afternoon and went into my kitchen. Then, like a waterfall of pudding, Dullard shit a loose turd stream right by my dining room table. I got some paper towels and dry-heaved my way through the cleanup process. Actually, Nate cleaned it up, but I did all of the gagging while I watched in support.

Day 4. Dullard peed out of his butt again. All over my bathroom floor.

Day 5. Dullard’s intestines weren’t settled yet. This time he shit a pool of chocolate milk by my back door. But this time he slid his tail through it before I could get him outside. Remember, I couldn’t just open the door and let him go – so I had to get him on a leash first. Before I could get him hooked up, Dullard managed to run around the kitchen hitting the walls – leaving Picasso style paint strokes of dog shit all over. The poop tail swiped against me, too and once again I had Dullard shit on me – this time on my back and shoulder.

When Therese finally returned on Day 6 we were all incredibly happy to see her. Dullard jumped in her arms and was a happy, healthy, solid-pooping pooch the entire week she was at my house with him (go figure).

In conclusion, dog-sitting for a rescue animal with issues ain’t easy. But, I’ll also admit that I’d do anything for Therese – so if cleaning up her dog’s shit warrants a visit from her, I would deal with it all over again.

Dullard in 2009: Therese taught him how to balance a pancake on his head

The past few days have been a whirlwind of badassness.
Well, there were ups and downs.

Friday Night
Nate and I met Matt at the gym so we could carpool together to Durham for the CrossFit NC games which would be starting early the next morning. We had a caravan with Tim Caso and Mike Miller. It was getting COLD outside. We immediately started bitching about how we would all die if the competition was going to be held outside…

Arrive at hotel
We show up to the hotel – it was lovely! Tim Caso was able to use his “points” to hook us up with a free room!
This is where my nervous body decided to spew blood. Of course! I started my period the night before the competition! (I’m not supposed to start for 3 more weeks…) I only packed 2 tampons… being the only girl, I didn’t want to bother the group of guys with a Walmart trip – so I decided I would ration the tampons out for the next 24 hours. Risky!

Dinner Friday night
We walked to Tyler’s restaurant (downtown Durham) from the hotel. My feet went numb it was so cold outside. We all decided that true badasses would need to fuel themselves with chili, beer and meaty dishes like chicken and rib eye. Yum. Thank God Brooke and Jeff met us there with their minivan – they gave us a ride back to the hotel. Tim and I were the smallest, so we had to sit in the twins’ child-sized car seats…

Toby and Tyler will ask mommy the next day, "Who's big asses were in our car seats?"

Saturday morning
We woke up… I didn’t sleep all night. Since me and Nate shared a hotel room with Matt – I had to squelch my gas bubbles all night. I also decided I would wait to poop until I got to the gym. Most people get the nervous squirts before a competition – so I figured it would be less awkward to poop at a public place rather than the privacy of the hotel room. I just didn’t have the heart to blow up the bathroom before Matt brushed his teeth. If it were just Nate, I wouldn’t give a f*ck.

Got to the gym
Found out: the competition would be INSIDE! Yes!!

That’s when Liz pointed out Sarah Dunsmore. She said, “That girl over there, by the trash can – she placed 3rd in the CrossFit games. She’s like nationally fit.” I looked over, and there’s this tiny woman with maybe .00005% body fat. She is TINY. At that moment I realized I was a lame badass-wannabe — who made excuses for being small when I heard about the 95# clean and jerks we would have to do. Anyway, I can’t use that as an excuse anymore.

So, stalker style, I walk by her (to throw something away – she was near the trash can) and that’s when she looked up and said, “hey badass.”

OMG! Sarah knows me!

Girl crush!!!

So, awkwardly the first thing that comes out of my mouth: “I’m on my period! Ain’t that a bitch?!”

Ugh! It’s weird. I’ve worked side by side with Kathy Ireland before. I have met Denzel Washington, Willie Nelson, and other celebrities. But there’s something different about meeting a strong woman who wins national fitness competitions… I actually RESPECTED her. Interesting!

Competition Begins
So the competition was getting ready to begin and a lovely gal comes up to me and pulled a present out from her pocket. She said she reads my blog and made me a bracelet! Instead of WWJD (which we all agree is cool) she made one that had WWBAD – What Would a Bad Ass Do?

When in doubt, think: What Would a Bad Ass Do?

Day made. Dude, I could come in last and being lying on the floor in a puddle of my own sweat and period blood and I would look at my wrist and think to myself, “A Bad Ass would Persevere.” Thank you, Beatrice! (She’s a talented photographer, check out her work here)

WOD #1
(I posted the details of the WODs on my last blog entry.) So for AMRAP 95# clean and jerks: I only got 34 reps. I didn’t do so well compared to the other women… but I was proud of myself. Like I said, 95# is a lot of weight for me to get overhead. Sarah, of course, got 92 reps! Holy shit! Dawn Hutchinson from CrossFit Wilmington got like 87 or something like that, too. AMAZING! I also met a beautiful girl named Caroline who got around 82. I am in awe of these women! From our gym: Maddie got over 50 and Liz got over 40! I was one of the lowest scoring women… but what would a Bad Ass do??? Be totally proud of everyone else! RESULTS HERE

The boys did great, too! I have to say Nate Storm, Mike Miller, Matt Merrill Tim Caso, Jay Reece – great athletes! They killed it! And Zeke was a great coach, of course – he was a judge that day.

Lunch
We had a quick break for lunch. I probably shouldn’t have eaten, but at that moment I was hungry.

WOD #2
I didn’t think this WOD would be that bad… but when the first 2 heats went – I could tell by the huffing and puffing (and sweat) that this was no easy workout. I didn’t want to do it. The pull-up bar seemed extra thick – so Matt helped me make a tape grip which would help with the deadlifts and the toes to bar. It did! (I was in heat 4)

I felt a lot stronger in this workout. Finished right at 10 minutes. Placed 15th overall. RESULTS HERE

hott... 155# deadlifts make my chin disappear

Finals
Only the top 10 males and females did the third workout. At this point, I can’t imagine having to do a 3rd WOD. They announced it: 125 double unders, 100 air squats, 75 kettlebell swings, 50 burpees, then 25 thrusters at 75# for women! Holy shit!

A guy named Tony from CrossFit Voltage in Charlotte won first place for the guys. Zack Brock from CrossFit Wilmington got 3rd place… damn good! (and good lookin’ too – I tell ya, CrossFittin’ Men are for the most part hotties!)

Sarah D. won first place for women. I think Dawn from CrossFit Wilmington won 3rd!

FINAL RESULTS FOR 3rd WOD HERE

Best Part of the day
Sarah picked me up for a photo opp.

The little show off front squatted me after the pic was snapped

Worst part of the day
Got a migraine on the way home. I was exhausted.

Woke up the next day
Sore as hell. I’ve never felt this sore in my life.

Today
Worked on Christmas cards!

So, that my friends, is how a badass wanna-be spends the weekend! Wearing my new shirt purchased from one of the sponsors at the NC games – Forged Clothing. Badass company started by 2 Navy Seals. Portion of all sales go to military charities like Wounded Warrior. The clothes are HOT – for both men and women. Check ‘em out: forged clothing

Now I’m sitting here working on Christmas cards while Nate is setting up his Facebook page. He’s already up to 42 friends! Uh oh! Competition!

Maybe I’m chemically imbalanced. Or I’m stressed. Or maybe I’m just a woman with hormone issues. PMDD they call it? The severe PMS? Or maybe it’s because I’m the daughter of someone who has been working for the Postal Service for 20+ years and by nature I’m “postal.”

Usually I’m pretty patient…But just recently (the past few days), little things set me off – and I feel like I might catapult myself into a state of internal combustion. In layman’s terms, “Going Ape Shit.”

1
All this week I have forgotten to pack a fork. When I pack my lunch (which is rare, but I’m trying to be good this week) I somehow always forget to pack a utensil to eat the lunch. I get mad (really mad) at “Past Thera” because she fucked “Future Thera” over.

2
Yay! I remembered to pack a fork. I didn’t “protect” it apparently. I just threw it in the same bag with my laptop.

Now that's one way to lose weight! De-prong your fork!

3
Meeting. I had a meeting recently that was very productive… until the next day when the 2 people who didn’t attend the meeting made changes to the outcome we presented. They are good changes… but the follow-up emails and phone calls to make the changes took about 3 times as long as the first meeting they didn’t attend. What a waste of time. I HATE wasting time. I would rather throw cash on the ground (knowing that someone would pick it up and spend it on liquor) than I would waste my time.

Again, not a big deal – but I’ve been fuming about this. Weird, right?

4
My phone didn’t work (for some reason) for about 30 minutes. This entire 30 minutes I sat in a state of pure agitation. Again, that’s psycho.

5
The other day Nate asked me, “Did you study?” (He knew about the final exam I had the next day).
Seriously, Captain – you’ve been gone for 7 months and guess what… I studied all on my own! I didn’t need someone to be accountable to. I’m a grown ass woman!

And no… I didn’t study…

6
Phizz at it again.
You probably don’t have to be hormonally imbalanced for this to piss you off, though.

Phizz - maybe I underestimate her intelligence - she's figured out EVERY WAY to drain us of money

7
The “Fittest Man and Woman” Competition workouts in Durham tomorrow.
I’m totally excited to meet new people and compete… but the workouts they chose just don’t seem to be an accurate way of depicting fitness. To me, any short and squatty overweight strong man or woman could do these workouts.

Maybe I’m just mad because they don’t have pull-ups or ring dips… because those are the only things I’m good at.

EVENT WODs
WOD #1
In 10 minutes, complete as many reps as possible from ground to overhead.
You may use any technique you like to move the load.  Bar must be extended overhead with the knees and hips in full extension.
Men’s Weight:  135lbs     Women’s Weight:  95lbs

WOD #2
21-15-9
Deadlifts (Men: 225lbs, Women: 155lbs)
Box Jumps
Toes To Bar

WOD #3
This is the Final WOD.  Only the Top 10 Men and Women will participate in this workout, which will be announced on Saturday afternoon.

My 118 pound frame is really going to struggle with getting 95 lbs overhead.

Okay, Matt Merrill just called me and told me that I was being a baby pretty much about the WODs chosen. He is right. I’m just mad about the no-pull-up situation. Again… proof that I’m just postal.

So, as you can see… all of these things are not that big of a deal… but they made me go ape shit. I’m sure I’ll get balanced again soon… but in the mean time – just know that you’re walking on egg shells with me.

I considered photoshopping my other arm out, so it would be a legit Iron Cross

So, today I had my final exam in macroeconomics.

We also had our last MBA Association social function for the year.

Upon leaving a cop pulled me over for Texting While Driving.

I told him, “Officer, I was making a phone call.”

He said, “I saw you punching away.”

I said, “I’m about to punch away at your face.”

He drove away in a hurry.

Well, not all that was true.

But… this little badass did NOT get a ticket!
I had some drinks at the social function… I was okay to drive or I wouldn’t have driven… but I am still f-ing lucky for NOT getting a ticket! New lease on life! According to Wife Math – I just made about $200. Wonder what I’ll go buy with my new earnings.

I got one half of an iron cross today. hahaha. I don’t think that counts for much.

I also got a 4 handstand push-ups (against the wall) today. Badass!

Pictures coming soon!

<it was a good day>

So who will be named the fittest man and woman in North Carolina this Saturday?

The CrossFit NC games will be held in Durham this weekend… and I’m signed up.

Why?

Maybe because I love public embarrassment?

Have I been training extra hard? No.

Have I been eating right? No.

I am strong? No.

Can I run fast? No.

Oh, Lord. What have I gotten myself into?

They posted the workouts today and the ONLY thing I was hoping for was a WOD with pull-ups… because that’s what I’m good at. But alas, it’s mostly stuff that weighs a lot and I am most definitely going to struggle with.

But!

I do know two things I’m excited about:
The proceeds go to Wounded Warrior Foundation AND I’m going to have FUN!

I’m looking forward to it! Plus I’ll make new friends!

Got a big W today.

That stands for “withdraw” in university language.

I’m still in the MBA program, but will have to re-take Financial Accounting in order to graduate.

Good news: didn’t have to take final exam tonight. Won’t fail.

Bad news: I just prolonged graduation by a few semesters (until the course is offered again).

Oh well, it could be worse.

I am upset… but not really. Just in a weird mood. It’s just a difficult class that I know I am smart enough to pass – if I can focus and not have distractions like runaway dogs, deployment reunions, vertigo and car accidents. I am grateful that I can re-take it… but I’m disappointed that I had to withdraw, too.

In the big scheme of things… yes it’s disappointing to fail at something… but I have my health, faith and family. I’m alive and I’m moving forward.

The question of course… I’m moving forward, but which way am I going? Where is my path leading me?

I have a lot of little goals… but not really a BIG goal.

Little Goals:
Getting CrossFit Cert in January.
Hopefully getting Masters in Business in December of 2011.
Want to get muscle-up.
Want to get a single job (not all the little ones I have now) that compensates me for my hard work.

Okay — those are some little goals… but what’s the BIG one?

I taught a Bible study about “finding your gifts and talents for purpose.” I also led a mission trip with the Serventrepreneur Foundation that focused on this premise as well. These things led me to the MBA program… but now I’m looking beyond that and wondering… what’s NEXT?

I want to sit back and enjoy the moment… but I can’t. I’m not worried… I just want to make sure the time I’m spending now is fruitful… that it’s part of a bigger picture.

I think I’m A.D. D. I love CrossFit… but do I want to own my own box… not really. I love business… but do I want to start my own? Been there, done that and I’m still recovering. I love teaching… but do I want to be a professor? That would require a doctorate. I love bacon and cheese… but do I want to own a bacon a cheese deli?

Do you feel the same way about life?
Maybe it’s my age or being a wife of a talented pilot who’s got shit figured out… he’s got goals and a life plan… he’s using is talents for GOOD… and I’m a little jealous.

So big “W” — withdrawn.

I don’t know what YOU are getting for Christmas… but I got my MAN back from his 7 month deployment!

Badass!

I’ll set the scene:
Homecomings are a wonderful thing. My favorite part is the energy. Wives are nervously tugging and readjusting their dresses purchased just for this occasion. Parents of Marines are beaming with relief that their child is coming home safely. Children of the deployed Marines are on their worst behavior – because they don’t understand why mommy is smiling and crying at the same time. You hear the helicopters in the distance … and you know… in a few minutes you’re going to smell that familiar scent of hydraulic fluid and engine exhaust wrapped around your body in  an embrace that you’ve missed for 7 months.

The anticipation builds as the crowd inches closer towards the flight line

The engines all shut off dramatically at the same time. Your heart stops as you watch the Marines get into formation. The Commanding Officer shouts, “Job well done.” They respond, “Hoorah!” and then… he says, “dismissed.” The crowd runs toward the sea of sexy uniformed Marines.

This is where TStorm turned into a CrossFit badass.

The last time it took me 20 minutes to find Nate. I vowed to do this homecoming as RX’d and beat my last time by at least 5 minutes.

I think I elbowed a baby on my way to find Nate in the crowd.

First Hug

It was an amazing homecoming… the Johnson Family was there. Tarrah took photos – I can’t wait to see them! My mom was there as well as Nate’s Dad and step mom.

Then… some drama:

Nate rode with me back home and my mom got into Nate’s dad’s car with Elaine… we we’re on our way home (we live about 40 minutes from the base.) Then my phone rang… my mom called me crying. I heard the ambulance in the background. They had gotten into a car accident.

Nate and I had to get his truck first, then we rushed back to Jacksonville. Elaine and my mom were already at the hospital. Nate’s dad was with the totaled vehicle. Elaine was hurt and all we knew was that we had to get to the hospital as soon as we could.

We were there until about 11pm. It was a rough night… but it turned out that everyone was okay – or as good as can be expected.

Sad Nate - he comes home to have a night at the hospital - worried about the family.

We still had the steak dinner that Nate wanted when we got home… and we were all safely in bed by 2am.

Of course…

I had my Saturday MBA class the next day from 9 to 4… I couldn’t get out of it!

So I was in class all day – like a spazzy puppy – too distracted to pay attention and wanting to get back home to play.

My friend Jennifer set up my house beautifully and Nate ran errands — so we were able to have a kick ass party Saturday night… almost all of our dearest friends made it! The house was packed. We celebrated with cigars from Brookeynn Cigars. Steve, the owner, brought cigar cutters and coupons for everyone who came. It was an amazing evening.

Now today is Sunday and I have to study for Financial Accounting… I have my final exam tomorrow. Then I have an exam in Macroeconomics on Thursday.

Whew! What a whirlwind, right?

But… we’re all safe, healthy and happy. What more could we ask for?

He’s back! (And already doing muscle ups in the garage!)

Silly boy gets back from deployment and sets up rings in garage so he can do muscle-ups

Earlier today I called Nate’s dad to give him details on the homecoming. As we were chatting I complained about being stressed and my face breaking out.

Without missing a beat he said, “Oh, Thera, are we having another ‘episode’ with our herpes?”

Well played, Daddio, well played.

So, in the middle of finishing up my financial accounting project, getting the house ready, party planning and heading to school to meet with a librarian about online research databases… I decided the best way to knock off some extra stress was to do a CrossFit workout.

I got to the gym and the WOD was “Michael”

Michael
3 Rounds of:
800 Meter Run
50 Back Extensions
50 Sit-ups

So… guess what!?

I got another butt sore!

My across-the-crack sit-up butt sore. It bled. And is gonna sting in the shower!

Here’s a picture of it. I zoomed in so you wouldn’t have to see the whole ass.

How am I going to explain this one to Nate?!

“Yes, dear… While you were away I was doing Michael as fast as I could and I got a mean butt sore! Can you rub some Vaseline on it?”

At least I improved my time! Went from 27  minutes (June) to 22 minutes!

Okay – I really didn’t mean to be quite so dramatic about the cliff-hanger ending on the last post.

Or did I…?

I’ve been battling certain issues lately and they all seem to have the same thing in common: the B-WORD.

B #1:
Busy. I am so freakin’ busy I don’t have time to do my favorite B… which is Blog about Becoming Badass! I mean, this is a PRIORITY… so you KNOW somethin’ ain’t right if TStorm ain’t posting shit on the Internet!

B#2:
Ba-ack! Guess who’s coming Back?! Yep! Can’t say when or where…. but he’s coming back home to meeee! There’s going to be a party Saturday night. You’re invited!

B#3:
Breakout. With all the stress of hubby coming Back from the deployment… I guess my face decided to Break Out again. Thanks face. I hate you.

B#4:
Broken? Of course, now that I’m prepping the house, getting ready for a big party… the one thing I use most in the kitchen decided to break! The dishwasher! My mom was in town (and yeah, I probably didn’t use it much this deployment since I ate out a LOT) and she and I ran the dishwasher. If this appliance were a person the sounds would translate to, “I want to dieeeeeuuuhhhh…”

B#5
Bubbles. I was trying to trouble shoot the problem with the dishwasher … yeah… and put the wrong soap in…. hence… BATTLE WITH THE BUBBLES!

I spent about an hour saving the floor from Bubbles.

Phizz helped by eating some of them for me.

At that moment… when I’m thinking I’m stressed and can’t handle this… my mom says:

B#6:
Babies. Mom says, “I remember you saying when you got married almost 5 years ago that you were going to give me a grand baby in 2010? You turn 30 in 2 months. 2010 begins in one month.”

My reply, “Mama, this bitch is trying to clean up Bubbles AND be a BadAss in 2010. Ain’t no room for babies, yo!” As always, she shook her head and walked away. I win!

B#7
Burpees. Did “Quarter Gone Bad”  WOD which included Burpees, thrusters and weighted pull-ups. Also did a turkey wod that included double-unders. Not my favorite workouts… but I’m getting better! And check out my little abs coming in! So glad I gave up the Woodchuck!

B#8
Balance. Right when the weekend was over (Mom really did help – home girl flew in super-hero style and helped me mulch the garden, get the Christmas tree out of the attic, help me set it up – AND figure out how to get all 3 sections to light – first Christmas in 3 years!) I settled in for another busy week — but this week I’d be able to focus on school… until Monday morning I woke up and the room was spinning. I wasn’t even drunk! Promise!

I was so dizzy I could only keep my head in one spot. I didn’t know what to do! I had no Balance. I would fall if I tried to walk. I called some friends and the doctor… friends said chill out until it passed. Doctor said they could fit me in in 3 days… so I took a Xanax and tried to relax. The vertigo lasted ALL day. There was nothing I could do. It was so scary. Woke up next day with migraine.

B#9
Bleeding. But alas… nothing beats adult acne or a broken dishwasher like starting my period for the HUNDREDTH time this month!

And that, my friends, is my Battle with the B’s.

Where have I been?

I’ve been battling the B-word… can you guess?

Then there was another issue… doesn’t start with a B – but one of the scariest things I’ve ever experienced. I missed class because of it.

More soon.

love,

T

More things I’m thankful for:

1. Restaurants who offer Unsecured Wireless. No time limit. No sign-in necessary. Your food can suck and I’ll still think you guys rock.

2. Stop lights with left turn arrows. This makes it so easy and brainless. The less I have to think while driving, the better. Green arrow means go. Red arrow means no go – and I have a minute to text someone I love.

3. Little sisters. I’m the oldest, so I am thankful for all of my little sisters. Therese, by 18 minutes. Stacey, by 2.9 years. Devin by 11.5 years. Kayla – Nate’s sis who’s like a sister and friend bound up into one! Heidi, Heather and Nicole – wish we could hang out more often! I love all of you girls so much – I’d do anything for you. And Melissa – you count, too. And Rachel and Kristen. And Abby. And Eleanor. And Maddie. And Sami. Jenn of course. Lindsey! Nellis! Mary! OMG – I am overwhelmed by the beautiful women in my life. Who are all younger – sheesh!

4. Parents. Mama. Daddio & Val. Mama Barbara & Mark. Daddio Storm and Mama Elaine. Grandpa Frentz and Sue. Grandma Frentz. R.I.P Grandma and Grandpa Bouis. Grandma and Grandpa Joy. Grandpa Storm. Grandma and Grandpa Fish. Grandpa Settlemen.You guys have made me who I am today. The good parts, the messed up parts – I credit you! Parents who aren’t related: Randy and Jeanette. Lona Rusk. Lidia and Rolando Martinez. Liliana and Enzo – even though you’re close to my age you’ve always helped guide me.

5. Josh at Pups Play & Stay. Thank you for coming from around the counter to sit in a chair – because you’ve discovered that’s the only way to make Trooper feel comfortable and loved before going to doggie daycare. You give my daughter special attention – and it melts my heart.

6. Wilmington, NC. I love this city.

7. My favorite things: Cheese, cider beer, the color orange, yo mama jokes, puns, Volkswagen Things, Cinnamon discs, laughing, pull-ups, Orbits gum, gerber daisies, funny-named nail polish, lasers, ninjas, pirates, knee socks, sports bras, vibrating mascara, compliments, honesty, Z’s!, the phrase “sure no problem”, the “No Rain” song by Blind Melon, cowboy boots, and YOU – if you are reading this right now… you are my favorite.

Frentz Sisters: Devin, Thera, Preggo Stacey, Therese

Thanksgiving Series Part II: Badass things I’m thankful for:

1. My health.
I am so grateful for all of the abilities I have. Sometimes I bitch about having to run (like today we ran a 5K) but… I was ABLE to run a 5K! I’ve never been seriously injured, I have my feet, arms and legs. I have strong lungs and a pumping heart. Because I am healthy I have the opportunity to explore new things and challenges…like carrying my friend Kevin through a workout.  I hope to never take this for granted.

2. My faith.
You can strip everything away from me. My car, house, husband, puppies… but you can’t take away my faith. And for that, I’m extremely grateful.

I don't know who took this picture... but they caught me flirting with Nate in church

3. My husband.
Captain Nathan Storm. Who is coming home soon!

Rooniez! Supportive, intelligent and indifferent about everyone but meeee.

3. My friends.
I have so many awesome, awesome friends. I’ll be highlighting some as the days go on… but for the moment I want to give a thankful shout out to Jennifer Czechlewski. This woman knows me. She even knows the dark side (I mean, we shared an office the size of a closet for 2 years at Thalian Hall… she knows all!)

TStorm & Beautiful JennCzech. She's kickass mommy, professional and most of all -- friend.

Sam - I did some stalking to find this pic. Sam is strong, honest, an amazing father and doting husband to his wife Tarrah. His leadership is assumed, not assigned.

Matt - his insides are even more attractive than the outsides. He's gentle yet competitive... I mean, he scored Lori -- who's like the most awesome girl EVER.

I’ll close with that!

Good night!

As an ode to Thanksgiving I’m going to take a the next few posts to write about Badass stuff that I’m thankful for.

1. Smiles.
I know it’s a weird thing to be thankful for… but I really appreciate the act of smiling. There’s not enough smiling these days. And an easy smile is a quick fix to make someone much prettier, don’t you think? If you want to meet someone with a killer smile that is genuine and takes your breath away — meet Elizabeth Bailey.

2. Nurses.
Anyone who chooses (or feels chosen, rather) to be a nurse automatically earns my appreciation. Coming from someone who faints during Grey’s Anatomy (no lie) has full respect for people who can have this career. When I was living in San Antonio while Therese was recovering from the bomb blast injuries, I got to meet a lot of nurses. In my eyes, they had angel wings. Matt Merrill, Sarah Lowry, Rachel Pflugradt, Dr. Ed Ricciardelli, Dr. Jenny Neighbors… these are a few beautiful people I know who are in the medical field.

I was at Brooke Army Medical Center the day Denzel Washington came and donated money to the Fisher House! I remember these nurses. They were amazing people.

3. Phizz’s future new mommy
I don’t know who you are yet… but I’m thankful for you. Thank you for taking Phizz off my hands and providing her a life full of digging, jumping fences, running, licking and pooping wherever her little soul-less heart desires!

Phizz as a rescue puppy - spotless, skinny and full of worms. If we only knew...

smiles!

<3 Love!

Licks!

I didn’t have Internet for 3 days… sorry for no posts!

I got new carpet installed in the hizzy Friday morning… so the installer guys had to unplug all the wires, etc. in the office. Which means I would have the task of re-plugging them back in… whenever I felt like it, of course.

So, I didn’t have WIFI for a few days…

Yeah, so new carpet  all over the house. It’s BEAUTIFUL!

Or it was.

Phizz decided new carpet meant that it was time to get sick again. Now beautiful new carpet is stained.
Poop stained Mohawk carpet.

I had 2 full days of a glorious home. Now it’s over.

Stain-free carpet was short-lived

I saw it and did 3 things: 1) cried 2) gagged 3) barfed (sick for many reasons)

I feel like such a fool for getting the house recarpeted. I guess I had more faith in this dog. I was so excited to have Nate come home from his deployment to a clean, fresh home with doting puppies and a muscled wife.

But, no.

The wind has been taken out of my sails once again. I’m a polly-positive idiot who is trying to make everything look perfect when it’s not.

I just waste time, money and energy.

What’s wrong with me that I’m struggling to love this dog unconditionally?
Am I broken?

——–

OK – so not very badass. I apologize. I am honest and live with my heart on my sleeve. Even if it’s a broken and confused heart.

Question:

Loving Phizz is difficult… Which makes me ponder – Do you love something despite it’s flaws? Because you know they need you more than you need them? Hanging on – hoping that your consistency and loyalty changes them?

Or do you love what is easy… a love that has no drama (or blog-fodder?) A love that is clean and pure and simple?

Today was a long day!

My undertards had group presentations today! They were so cute all dressed up and giving awkward powerpoint presentations.

Then I had macroeconomics.

No comment. Well, except that during this class I observed Julia, Dave and Tre play on their iPhones, Paul make origami, Kaitlyn clean out her purse, and my favorite – watched Patti play some kind of eyebrow game with herself – she’s very animated.

Then after class we had our Third Thursday event for the MBA Association. As the social chair, it’s my job to get badass raffle prizes to give away. We had some cool shit this go-round, if I must say so myself. Even a “spa day for your car” with $200 worth of detailing!

The unfortunate thing, however, is that we planned the social to be held at Fox & Hound, which is right outside the movie theatre at Mayfaire….

Duh… The second movie in the Twilight Series had it’s premiere midnight showing TONIGHT!

Crowded!

So, the MBA dorks are tooling around a crowded bar with Team Edward and Team Jacob fans…. a bit awkward… which means… I loved it.

At one point I went to order a Blue Moon… and I accidentally said, “I’ll have a New Moon, please.” and the bartender laughed and went to the tap. He probably figured I was a big fan.

<which… I am>

I didn’t post yesterday… why? I don’t know… frustrated, maybe?

I got into the gym at noon. I wanted to go at 9am… but at 8:30am I was dealing with a neighbor who rang my door bell. I reluctantly answered the door and he greets me with, “Thera, you know I love you…”

Which translates to… “I HATE YOUR DOG.”

He says, “My wife has a lot of elderly visiting all the time… and her friends are afraid to get out of their cars when they see Phizz outside…” As he’s saying this I see Phizz over his shoulder, running around the cul-de-sac, chasing after a car, hopping and licking their driver’s side door window as a terrified grandma drives through our neighborhood at 5 miles an hour.

I almost broke into tears. I apologized and said I’d feel the same way if I were my neighbor.

I’m so frustrated with this dog. She jumps over our fence and terrorizes our neighborhood. She goes out the doggie door, into the backyard, and jumps the fence. I hate not having control! The best way to get her back is to get in my car… and when she sees me drive by she’s like, “Mommmmmy! Take me for  a ride!”

I finally got her back home and had her chew on a busy bone while I searched the Internet for “Where to drop off a stray dog, Wilmington, NC”

I finally settled for search results when googling, “Shock collar for training the most retarded dog on the planet.”

I am not usually into shock-therapy-torture. I can’t imagine ever shocking my little well-behaved Trooper. But Phizz….. oh, I can’t wait to shock the shit out of her! I will press that button so fast every time I say the word “NO” as she jumps up on the fence to escape the yard.

What do you think?

Anyway…

I got to the gym at NOON only to start the warm up… get ready to do the workout… KELLY… the one benchmark I NEVER HAVE BEEN ABLE TO FINISH… to have my period and a nice case of diarrhea sneak up on me 1 minute before go time!

Workout of the Day
“Kelly”
Five rounds for time of:
Run 400 meters
30 Box jump, 24 inch box
30 Wall ball shots, 20 pound ball

Always!

Can’t I have a normal day? One with a solid stool and no need for a tampon??!!

So, I go to the bathroom… discover I need a tampon, get out to have Zeke shout, “Okay everyone, outside! 3-2-1 GO!” I said, “I can’t start just yet… I started my period and I’m pretty sure I just pinched a liquidy loaf that’s not all the way done yet.”

And he said, “GO!”

So, I ran the first 400 M. Got back into the gym. Got my keys. Went to my car. Got a tampon. Went to the bathroom. He’s like, “You’re on the clock!”

And I’m like, “I don’t fucking care! I have to put a tampon in or I’ll bleed all over your gym!”

Okay… Let’s just face it… I turn into psycho hose beast when I’m working out.

Anyway… went to the bathroom… came out… and he said that I could start over again.

Bah humbug.

I started the jog over again. I muscled through the pain of the workout. And I finished.

That’s all I really cared about. Finishing. Since I’ve never been able to get through all 5 rounds before.

I was glad when it was all over… but it was just a frustrating day.

I woke up this morning

looked in the mirror

And discovered that my face was breaking out like a teenager working the fry section at McDonald’s.

I’m almost 30.

Now I have the awesome combination of wrinkles AND acne.

Why?

Maybe it’s because I do CrossFit and then go to class without showering then come home and go to sleep?

add this to the fact that I share a pillow with Phizz and Trooper.

I tried to cover it up with makeup – but this may be adding fuel to the acne fire. I even put lipstick on this morning – but now that just complements the other red-make-up-covered spots.

Hott.

Technically it’s Day 125… even though the day hasn’t really “begun” enough for me to officially report on how badass the day was in hindsight.

But alas, I’m awake and it’s 3:30am.

I just signed on to gmail and my friend HoaLy in Europe (9:30am there) messages me, “Why are you awake?”

My response, “Can’t sleep. Therefor, I eat.”

She asks, “What are you eating?“

Me: “Hot water with a bouillon cube in it.”

She says, “Wow. You’re so disciplined.”

Me: “No, I”m really that lazy.”

So, I finished my “soup” and now I’m feeling a bit sleepy again. I finished grading all of the essays from my undertards’ last exam of the semester. Yes, I call the undergrad students I help teach my “undertards.” It gives me a false sense of seniority and elite-ness.

I just looked in my fridge for something else to eat. Kind of like those commercials when the deathly sick woman wakes up in the middle of the night, goes to her cabinet and discovers a medicine that magically makes her coughing, sneezing, itchy-throat symptoms disappear. Does anyone else call the bullshit card on that? How do you DISCOVER something in YOUR cabinet? Do these people not do their own grocery shopping?

I digress.

I went to the fridge hoping food would magically appear and make my hunger/boredom symptoms go away… and the fridge is still very pitiful. There’s half a can of dogfood and a carton of eggs. The seltzer water from day 1 is still in there, too.

Maybe I’ll do my financial accounting homework. That usually makes me nauseous… which in-turn would keep me from wanting to eat.

Ever since Friday the 13th — things have been off.

I’ve had a nagging headache. It isn’t a migraine… but it wants to be. I keep popping Imitrex, Advil, and Aleve… and the little bitch of a headache is still there.

I haven’t worked out since Death by Pullups. It feels like my back is black and blue. It hurts to the touch. Good thing no one wants to hug me!!

I took a bath (I hardly ever take baths — it forces me to relax) and I finally got to break into the sea salts Nate sent me from Israel. Because I have a complex about relaxing… I brought all the bulk mail that I pushed to the side of the dining room table into the bathroom with me. I proceeded to assess each catalog and magazine and make piles of 1. read soon 2. read later 3. put in the orange bin in the extra bedroom for “my guests” to read 4. trash it

I bought a Nirvana CD.

I painted my nails black.

I went to a dinner party and didn’t tell any off color jokes.

The baby in the room kept me on my best behavior. Maybe I do have a filter!

I not only craved French Toast… but I MADE it… and ATE it. This is totally OUT OF CHARACTER!

I haven’t blogged or checked email in 3 days.

I cleaned my car out.

Hmmm…

I must take my life back. I must reclaim my journey to Mount Badass.

Yes. Done.

This was just a temporary blip.

I’m back and more badass than ever.

Starting tomorrow.

You know that face you make when you smell someone else’s fart?

Or you hear someone barfing?

Or you see someone eating bull testicles on TV?

That face…. the frown-like pursing of the lips, wrinkled nose and watery eyes of disgust…

That’s the face I’m making it right now.

I just pulled about 7 TICKS off of Phizz.

Workout of the Day
With a continuously running clock do one pull-up the first minute, two pull-ups the second minute, three pull-ups the third minute… continuing as long as you are able. Use as many sets each minute as needed.

TStorm results:  18!

Zeke swore he was going to beat me — but he didn’t — so I made him buy me lunch afterwards. We went to Sahara’s though… and I’ve had insane gas ever since. Still worth it, though.

I’ll take a day off tomorrow from the gym. I have an exam tomorrow night in MacroEconomics.

I also need to pick out a new carpet color — just in case we need to get the house ready to sell, rent, etc. in the near future. Of course, Phizz should be a part of the decision making process… help me pick out the one that she prefers to destroy…

Aaah, yes, I choose a lighter color... with my ability to shit and pee everywhere, and mommy's love for red wine... this choice of carpet is sure to be the winner!

Today we did the CrossFit Total.

This consists of finding your MAX weight for:
Back squat, 1 rep
Shoulder Press, 1 rep
Deadlift, 1 rep

Then you total the weights and that’s your score.

I got 505#
165# Back Squat (PR)
85# Shoulder Press
255# DeadLift (PR)

Not too impressive — until Zeke showed me that according to my body weight — I did really well, actually! Since I weigh right under 120# — I actually fall in between Advanced and Elite Athlete.

HOLLLLLAR!

CrossFit Total Rankings Men and Women

The picture of me doing the deadlift is super ugly… so I’ll post a pic of me looking pissed from yesterday’s WOD.

Chalk, sweat and tears = your typical CrossFit WOD

I meant to post about the coolest guy in my MBA program.

Well, there’s lots of cool guys… but this one dude moved way up the scale on badassness the other day.

We were in the middle of going over balance sheets in Financial Accounting class and all of a sudden there was this loud, horrible BANG! sound that came from the back of the room.

Matt Stone, the guy, must have been leaning in his chair a certain way — and basically the post that holds the swivel chair to the table just disintegrated.

The whole class looked back in shock, to find him flat on his back with the broken chair on top of him.

What would you do in this situation?

He screamed, “THIS IS MY NIGHTMARE!!!”

The whole class was laughing as he stood up with the broken chair in his hands.

I couldn’t even laugh. I was in awe of his cleverness at that moment.

He embraced the awkward situation. And he will forever be a badass in my books.

I bet after reading the title of this blog post, you thought to yourself, “Here TStorm goes again… bitching about her period…”

But, alas! No! All clean and dry in that area. I am just sad to see Sunday go. I’m sad to see the weekend go.

A re-cap of the weekend’s goals vs. results:

Goal: Muscle Up
Results: Fail

Goal: To learn how to dance from Rachel Martinez
Results: Embarrassing

Goal: 240# deadlift
Results: Got it, baby!

Goal: 10 double unders (jump rope) in a row
Results: Got it!

Goal: Eating healthy
Results: El Cerro Grande 6pm for dinner after church. Fail.

Goal: Doing Financial Accounting Homework
Results: Procrastinating

Goal: Cleaning house, recycling, cleaning front yard’s pond, getting car inspected, registering for spring classes
Results: Done!

Goal: Clean the kennel Phizz shat in — it’s still in the front yard
Results: Maybe leave that project for Nate — to help him transition back to life here?

Ahh well, you win some you lose some. I mostly lose. And I love it.

The muscle up = The thorn in my side

Today was beautiful.

It was the kind of day that you have to be outside and take advantage of the perfect weather.

Track WOD

A CrossFit crew got together at the UNCW track to do a workout this morning. We were encouraged to bring a friend. I invited my friend Kim along. She said, “I don’t want to… but I will.”

Yes! That is just the kind of badass I like. Someone who takes themselves out of their comfort zone to do something new and different. Nothing too horrible ever comes out of trying new things, right? I mean, even if you hate it… now you know! And knowledge is power!

Kim - Bear Crawling like a champ!

Being outside on a Saturday morning put me a great place… a place of knowing that I never want to spend my life indoors. I want to take advantage of this beautiful world. I want to live every second like it’s my last. I want to embrace life – the ups and downs – and have fun being active. I’m not sure if I want children… but if I do become a mommy – I want to show them how fun life can be without video games, T.V. and indoor laziness.

The thoughts about “living life” made me think about dying, too.

When I die – I don’t want to have regrets.

At the end… I don’t want it to be revealed to me that there were so many things I was capable of doing… that I DIDN’T DO – because of insecurities or FALSE senses of boundaries that never really existed.

What am I capable of?

I won’t know unless I try new things. Take on challenges and give every moment 100%.

Iron Gym and recycling in the background

I never thought I’d be doing pull-ups. It was something that I was NOT capable of… but I got there from trying something new and training. Hard.

What comes next?

A Masters degree. A career. A new business? A 300# deadlift?

Who knows. I just want to put myself out there. No one is paying attention to me — so why let others dictate the new things that I try? So I may fail. Actually, I know I’ll fail. I fail every day. But at least I’m moving towards a goal. And I’m finding the real boundaries of what I’m capable of.

So when I die… I’ll know I took advantage of every beautiful second God gave me.

I’ve avoided taking the recycling out for 6 months.

Today was the day I faced my fears of:
1) navigating through the mess in the garage
2) loading up what felt like 100’s of pounds of glass, plastics, cardboard and newspapers
3) driving Nate’s larger-than-life truck to the recycling center

If you look closely you can see Phizz trying to taste the trash from the inside of the truck.

I survived the trip to the dump….and I didn’t even get stung by a bee!

Big check on the to-do list AND the badass mission for the day: facing my fears of the dump.

I didn’t have time to make it to my gym yesterday (in-between Grad Assistant office hours and my Macroeconomics Class) … so I decided to try out UNCW’s Rec Center to do a CrossFit WOD.

Talk about feeling like a duck out of water.

The thing about CrossFit — is that you don’t realize how different you are until you try doing it in a traditional gym — with cardio machines and freeweights lining up every inch of available floor space.

I even called Tre up … “Plleeeeease come workout with me” — I just didn’t want to do it alone. (He couldn’t make it)

Grabbed this image off internet - imagine blank floor space filled with students

There were some olympic lifting bars, but they were somewhat attached to certain machines. You couldn’t bring the free weights or 45# bars to the carpeted area… There was literally NO SPACE.

I found a bar for pull-ups on the top of a Smith Machine thingy. I was able to grab it as my own, climb up there, do pull-ups, jump off, do some push-ups, then use that space for air squats.

I felt awkward (there were students everywhere and I’m pretty sure they were looking at me pretty funny) … but then I thought to myself, “What would a BadAss do?”
A badass wouldn’t give a fuck!

So, I had a great workout, despite the spacing issues… and made it in time for class!

The workout endorphins kept me from slitting my wrist during the most boring class I’ve ever taken.

Add ironing to the list of domestic things I suck at.

Huge Environmental Analysis presentation to client tonight. Need crisp shirt. One without burn holes from my awesome ironing skillz.

Tuesday my attitude got a little better.

Sorry about the negativity the past few posts. You know it is, yo! It’s a journey. Haven’t reached Destination BadAss yet.

I noticed I haven’t posted any pictures in a while.

Here’s one of me and Kristen at Halloween. I was a cowgirl — because I am cheap and didn’t want to buy anything new. Yes, I already own a flannel shirt.

Tuesday afternoon I showed up to the gym to find that “FRAN” was the workout of the day. Fran is arguably the most famous of all CrossFit workouts. It’s 21-15-9 Thrusters and Pull-ups. Women do 65# thrusters and men do 95# thrusters. For some reason the combo of Thrusters and Pull-ups brings pukie on real fast.

I didn’t puke, but I didn’t do the thrusters straight through, either. I took a lot of breaks… but was still able to beat my last PR by a minute. Total time 8:44. I want to get around 7 minutes one day – that would be awesome.

Not the best form, my back should be more upright with chest up

I’m sure the real-life Fran is a nice woman… but to CrossFitters, she’s a real bitch of a workout.

Day 111 sucked ass.

After the financial accounting exam I wanted to plant a tree. To erase my carbon footprint of WASTING THE EXAM PAPER I turned in.

Blah.

Feeling a bit sad and overwhelmed this evening.

I have 4,749 unread emails. I have dirty dishes in the sink. A meeting with a professor at 9am to go over financial accounting problems I haven’t done yet. A 6am WOD. Three unfinished projects… one due at 6am. Mid-term exam tomorrow night in a subject I don’t understand. A presentation to a client on Wednesday. A weird smell in my house. And a husband who is disappointed in my lack of email communication.

Not very badass.

It will be okay… but in an effort to be open and honest, I must say that at the moment, this little badass is feeling a bit poopy. It’s the ebb and flow of the psychological games I play to stay productive and un-lonely during deployments… Before I realize it, to avoid feeling sorry for myself I have actually avoided paying attention to the one person who needs and deserves it.

I’m consciously aware of my unawareness. Hmmm…

Damn, now it’s up to 4,750 unread emails.

I just realized it’s Halloween today.

I mean, I knew today was Halloween all week… but I didn’t really plan for it. I’m so last-minute about everything.

I have been gone all day (6 hour Financial Accounting Saturday class then group meeting) and  I just got home… and it just hit me — little children may be ringing my doorbell for candy tonight. Dammit!

I looked in my pantry. I have dog treats, almonds and a box of cornbread from 2004.

Here’s keeping my fingers crossed that no one shows up.

Now I need to look in my closet for a costume… aaah, just like my pantry there’s mostly items from 2004.

Wish me luck!

It didn’t rain today. But it wasn’t dry, either. It was the kind of moist-walking-in-a-cloud type day that is just the right amount of condensation that doesn’t call for full-on wind-shield wipers… but does warrant a good swipe every so often.

Either way – today was running drills at CrossFit… outside, of course. (I’ve said “ta ta” to treadmills a long time ago)

Therese told me once, ” If it ain’t rainin’, you ain’t trainin’ “

So, we did sprints and worked on pose running skills. I’ve never really understood “pose” running until today. I’m by far no where near an expert – but I’m beginning to understand that I’ve been running the wrong way all my life. No wonder my knees always hurt and I’m soooo slooooow.

So, the WOD was 4 x 800M runs. I got all of mine in about 3:30 more or less. It felt great.

I strongly recommend checking out the videos here on pose running techniques — good for anyone wanting to run the most effective way  – faster, takes less effort and avoid injuries.

Being a badass risk-taker — I did a pretty crazy adventurous thing today…

I decided NOT to put Phizz in the kennel before I left the house this morning.

Mid-way through the day I got a weird gut feeling that prompted me to make a “quick trip” back to Hampstead to check on any destruction that may have incurred during my absence.

I got home — and with caution — sneaked into the house. To my surprise… everything was in-tact. The pillows were not shredded. The furniture looked normal. The already ruined rug still looked ruined – but not any worse than it had when I left the house.

The one weird thing though… was that Phizz had my underwear around her neck.

How?

She’s amazing. I’m not even mad.

So, I fed the dogs, did some last minute homework, put Phizz in the kennel … and then left for my night class.

Around 10pm or so when I got back home – I opened the door to my house and was greeted with a punch in the face. Not a physical punch – but the all-knowing punch of shit — the smell of dog shit that comes at you like a mighty fist balled up coming straight towards your nose… and then double-backs to karate chop your gag reflexes.

There Phizz was, standing in her kennel, covered in shit.

As crazy as she is… this incident has never occurred. My underwear from earlier must have made her sick to her stomach, poor thing!

So – I’ll skim over the details of my evening. It involved handling a dog that weighs just about as much as I do. Gagging. Hugging her in the shower as we washed shit off of ourselves. Crying. Gagging. Picking the heavy kennel up and chucking it outside — I hope it rains tomorrow. Swiffering the floor. Febreezing the hell out of everything. A glass of wine and a Xanax.

G’night.

Have you ever found yourself at the check-out counter buying some of the most random combination of items? If you’re like me, you do a quick eye sweep to the person behind you to see if they’re looking at your conveyor belt of oddities with judgment.

It reminds me of this joke I heard once:

A girl was checking out at the grocery store. She was buying a half dozen of eggs, a small pint of ice cream, a TV dinner and a half gallon of milk.

The cashier asked the girl, “So, you must be single?”

The girl curtly responded, “Is it that obvious from my purchases? How can you tell?”

And the cashier said, “Because you’re ugly.”

I remember when I was a teenager the most dreadful thing to do was to go to Walgreens and buy tampons. When that’s the only item you’re buying… you know that they know… The worst is when you have to buy tampons at the airport. That’s how they can charge you $10 for 4 tampons… It’s like upping the price of gas during a hurricane.

So, I’m at Target today and as I was loading up my items I giggled at being the ultimate consumer. I had a Hang-on-the-door-frame pull-up bar, Make-up with SPF, a tooth brush with a special polishing stone for extra whiteness and two dog toys.

Now, that’s not too bad. I remember one time Nate and I were at Food Lion buying a bottle of champagne, condoms and whipped cream. And although it looked like we were about to have a hot freaky evening – none of the items actually had anything to do with each other.

It’s times like these when you just want to get the hell out of store… and that’s when the cashier stops you and asks reallll slooooowly, “Would you like to donate a dollar to retarded children?” and you respond, “Yes!” and then they rip off a little hot air balloon thing and say reallll slooooowly, “Put your name on here with this marker.” Great, so now all the people behind us in line think to themselves, “Well, those folks are freaky, but they are generous!”

I had an awkward moment as Costco the other day (buying almonds for several people who put orders in) when the cashier candidly said, “You sure like nuts!”

Yes, yes I do.

Aah well… I’m not as self conscious as I used to be… but if I could just hear people’s inner thoughts… I’d have a lot more fodder for this blog.

I’m just sore.

My right knee feels crooked. My back and shoulders ache. I feel a mild pain every time I move my body. My heart even hurts.

But to avoid school work and dealing with other life issues… I went to the gym despite my body saying, “let’s rest, biatch.”

The workout included rowing and 75# push presses.

I think I cried a little.

Now I’m sitting here, aching, and using these last few minutes to avoid doing homework.

For the future: Should a badass push through the pain or take a rest?

Had internet/computer problems for yesterday’s Day 104 Badass Journey post. Here it is:

Today the WOD was “Cindy!” My favorite workout!

Goal: Complete as many rounds in 20 minutes as you can of:
5 Pull-ups
10 Push-ups
15 Squats

I got a Personal Record of 19 rounds! I’m learning a faster kipping pull-up, so that helped increase my speed.

Then I went straight from the gym to school to get prepared for the class tonight. Don’t worry, I put perfume on. And it was raining today… so the sweat just looked like rain water that strategically poured on my hair, back and armpits.

I ripped another blister from the pull-ups, so that gave me something to pick at while the professor went over the beauty of balance sheets and income statements.

Now. Exhausted.

G’night!

I worked my brain all weekend.

I read a couple of chapters out of my macroeconomics book. I felt so dumb that I started asking Phizz for help.

Phizz Bitch. You're not allowed on the couch. And... do you know anything about the Federal Reserve's policy and functions for macroeconomics?

I read a couple of chapters out of my financial accounting book. Usually I’d hate this type of reading, but I actually enjoyed it for two reasons  1) the book was $212 and it felt like I was getting a dollar worth of knowledge with every page I read. 2) Compared to macroeconomics, this was the most exciting shit I’ve seen all week.

I got to take a “brawn” break to do a team WOD. My partner was Chris Montgomery. We did partner sit-ups, partner wall-balls, double-unders, pull-ups, sprints, push-ups, box jumps and medicine ball tosses. The hardest part was round 3 (there were 10 rounds total) when everything started getting sweaty. Throwing a sweaty ball around ain’t easy!

Our gym is clean, we always use Lysol to wipe our sweaty balls after each workout

More work to do – but tonight… I shall rest.

My BadassDar went off when I met Micah Vandegrift.

Since I’m failing everyday at becoming badass… it’s about time that I start highlighting people who actually ARE on a successful journey.

Requirements – You must be at least one of the following to make my badassdar go off:
a) you’re edgy or ahead of the curve in a certain industry or part of the country
b) must have a unique charisma and positive energy about you
c) you’re clever and rarely find yourself saying, “I’m bored.”
d) you take on challenges and push yourself to the limit (mentally or physically)
e) you’re confident but know you must rely on a higher power to achieve anything in life

Reasons Micah pretty freakin’ cool:

1. He’s married to one of my best friends on the whole planet: Abby Dunning Vandegrift. She’s amazing on so many levels – I’ll have to profile her soon, too.

Abby and Micah

2. He Crossfits and is a main driver to the success of Father Andrew’s Hot Body Gym in Tallahassee, FL

3. Micah blogs for both his gym and on his own website. You’ll realize in 4 seconds that he’s way smart.

4. He experiments with his facial hair. In may he grows a mustache  (competitively). In the winter he grows an Amish-style beard.

5. He has a masters in something so cool and unique that I can’t even explain it. It has something to do with the psychology of music, I think?

6. He has tattoos and rides a motorcycle.

So, Micah Vandegrift shall be deemed badass (per TStorm).

My friend Mary inspired me to dig up some old pics to show how far I’ve come on the badass journey. Seems like as good of a time as any — it’s day 100 for goodness sake!

Here is the email I sent a handful of friends on October 18, 2006

The "package" cover for the one-size-fits-all Wonder Woman costume

Please, do not forward this on.

love,
Thera”

Just need a couple of feet in height and size D breasts and watch out Halloweeners!

So… that was 3 years ago.

Um… look how far I’ve come??

Can you believe there was once a time that I thought this was pretty?

"model thin"

I absorbed the mass media’s depiction of beautiful women – the air-brushed images of celebrities inundating magazines, television shows and movies left me feeling inadequate rather than entertained.

In an effort to achieve that look, I joined a local gym. I weighed myself after every workout. I didn’t understand why I was not seeing immediate physical results after being on the treadmill for an hour. I was getting frustrated.

I tried different diets. Out of insecurity and a lack of understanding of fitness — I did some really dumb things to my body.

With extreme reservations, I joined CrossFit Coastal (I was so intimidated!). Surprisingly, the workouts were scaled to my level of fitness. I didn’t want to come in last during the class workouts, so I really pushed myself. It was hard. It was damn hard! I still came in last – so I kept coming back. I showed up and I didn’t quit.

It was then that I thought… I want to be a badass.

A year of CrossFitting has passed… and it’s been 99 days since I started my journey to badassdom.

Now I jump on the scale for different reasons.
Like, “Wow! I must have lost a pound from that massive dump!” Or, I see how much I weigh before trying a bodyweight back squat at the gym. I blog about my adventures – most of which I fail at becoming badass – but life is too hilarious to be taken so freakin’ seriously all the time.

I see a Cosmo magazine and instead of wanting to look like the cover model I think to myself, “I wonder if that ho can do pullups?”

I see a picture like the one that was taken of me today – and rather than cringe at the size of my thighs, I give myself a hearty slap on the ass. I say to TStorm, “Go girl! You’re building muscles that are making you fit for life. You may never be a superhero or a badass – but you’re doing things right.”

So, lately, when I second-guess myself at the narcissistic approach the blog has taken on… (I mean, let’s be real – I’m dedicating a blog to myself… how ego-driven is that???!) I remember where I’ve been, what I used to think, how I used to act, what I used to wear, how I interacted with new people, how I got stressed in frustrating situations… and that’s when I stop and take a moment to celebrate this journey. A journey of commitment and looking at things differently. Being proud of myself and the amazing people in my life. We’ve earned the right to show off a little, right?

So, Nicole Richie, when your baby runs out into a busy Manhattan street — Before you can take your stilettos off I’ll be the one that sprints in front of oncoming traffic, clean and jerks that baby overhead and then wall balls the brat back over to you…

I got a letter from dear hubby yesterday. He said, “I can’t wait to get back home to our clean house. It’s so cramped here in this little space on the ship. I love how we never have clutter in our home…you keep it so nice and clean.”

Little does he know…

I keep getting letters about FHA Loans... is that junk mail? or am I about to lose my house?

So I took the time to finally go through our mail. It’s not just a wife duty… it’s a life duty. Like paying bills. Most of the bills are auto-pay… but a few… oopsie…

I’ll call my credit card company and have this conversation: “Yes, um, I was late paying my bill because… I was too busy being a badass…”

____

So, I took the day off from the gym today. I did 3 days on with the last day being the WOD “Daniel.” Daniel is 50 pull-ups, 400M run, 21 65# thrusters, 800M run, 21 thrusters, 400M run, 50 pull-ups. What a great workout! I did it in about 25 minutes. I definitely ripped my hand again on the first set of pull-ups which sucked.

TStorm, that bar ain't gonna thrust itself!

I’m also working on my muscle-ups… I took a break from them for a while because I was getting so frustrated. I hope I get one by the time Nate comes home. That would be awesome… I mean… badass.

Nellis flew out at dark-o’clock this morning. It was an awesome visit. She keeps it real. I think she keeps a stack of bullshit cards in her pocket. I start talking shit or making excuses and she just whips out the BS card on me. Good friend.

TStorm, Nellis, LDC and Maddie (Right before this pic was taken Debbie asked me if the Martini I ordered her 'tasted good' and I screamed, "No, I ordered you a shit-tasting Martini!"

Surprisingly I did not wake up with a hangover on Saturday morning. I wasn’t even sore from dancing Friday night, either. Thanks to CrossFit, I can drop it like it’s hot air-squat-style at the club now – and no next-day soreness. Sweet.

Saturday morning I was able to make it to the gym and meet some visitors from CrossFit Myrtle Beach. I was also wearing my newest TStorm purchase – lightning bolt socks. They totally gave the illusion of me running faster.

Even Trooper came out from her hiding space to check out the new Storm socks

Then I came home – with a new air of badassness — when I drive up to my house and see (in the daylight) all these freakin’ mushrooms in my yard.

I looked around to all of the other neighbor’s yards… no mushrooms in their yard.

Embarrassing public display of "something's just not right here"

It felt like I had an STD that was on public display to our quaint community. I can just picture the old white people driving by looking for deer-named real estate — seeing my yard and saying, “mmmhmmm… someone’s got the fungus.”

Anyway! That wraps up Saturday and Sunday — I have homework to do. This will be difficult since I haven’t purchased the Financial Accounting book yet…

I also have decided that I’m going to start profiling the badasses I meet in my life. Now that I’ve been on the journey for over 90 days now, my “BadAssDar” is starting to be more aware of the badasses around me. Stay tuned!

What was I thinking?

The label wasn’t enough to warn me that these nuts would be hot going in AND out of my body?

The screaming face should have tipped me off that eating these hott nuts on the way home (without something to drink) was a bad, bad idea

Sorry for the delay in posts… I’ve been busy flaring up my IBS, hanging out with Nellis and going to class.

This semester is going to be super hard. Here’s a picture of my notes. Can you figure out what class I’m taking? Because I can’t.

Will post more later — gotta hang out with my ol’ buddy, Nellis!

AND, Thanks to everyone for all the great feedback on the video about Therese becoming a warrior… it’s been the best anniversary yet.

I finally finished the video about Therese’s journey to Fight Gone Bad IV…

And how appropriate… TODAY marks the 5 year anniversary of the day Therese was injured in Baghdad.

October 14, 2004 to today October 14, 2009

The video tells the story of the deployment, the bombing, the survival, perseverance, the Fight Gone Bad fundraiser for Wounded Warriors, shedding the armor, the workout, Therese embracing her scars and celebrating survival, strength, and beauty.

Rule: Badasses aren’t concerned with looking pretty in pictures.

63# does not warrant that face

Today we worked on weighted pull-ups, cleans, double-unders. It was a skill/form day.

After the skills I challenged Jay to a chest-to-bar pull-up ladder. I would do one, he’d match it. Then we kept going up until one person couldn’t match the number of c2b pull-ups. I ripped my hand on #3.

That's gonna burn in the shower

Boooo. Tim Caso stepped in for me. Then Jay ripped his hands. Then Tim ripped his hands. We were all a mess. Way to end a good skill day…

Now THAT is chest to bar!

Today the CrossFit WOD was the benchmark named “Karen.”

Karen is simply 150 wallballs.

Yay for 150 wallballz

Simply?

It took me just shy of 10 minutes to finish all of them. I think I could have done better if I had eaten today. I did the workout at 7pm with an empty stomach. Damn, Nate – come home! But if he’s here cooking for me, I’ll have to find another excuse… hmmm…

And I’m postponing my straight-edge lifestyle until AFTER my friend Nellis comes to visit. She is my best friend from college… where we met… in… 1998! Her real name is “Faith” but the sign on the door outside of her college dorm room said “Nellis.” So that’s what I called her. She just thought I was trying to be super cool by calling her by her last name…

Turns out, people would say, “Hey There!” to me, too. It took me several days to figure out that the my name on my door as “There” instead of “Thera” – -

So she called me “Hey There!” and I called her “Hey Nellis” — and we’ve been best buddies ever since.

After the presentation on Saturday morning, I took a nap. It was so nice. Our group survived the Thursday night exam, the Industry Analysis paper due Friday and the Marketing Analysis presentation on Saturday… whew – what a week! I was exhausted.

Then I woke up and knew the next thing on my agenda for Saturday – celebrate and get some fun social time in. This would involve drinking and dancing with friends.

The night started out innocent (Maddie and Thera)

We went downtown to TreBenzio’s, Pravda then Odessa. We danced.We drank. We danced.

Why I shouldn't drink

I’m not sure how much alcohol I consumed… but it was enough to make me 1) hump Matt 2) kiss Jenn on the lips 3) eat pizza 4) sleep with Maddie on Matt and Lori’s pull-out couch.

Let’s just say this morning was ROUGH. The over-drinking triggered another migraine so I’ve been sick all day. Not productive at all. Oh, and where’s my car?

I think I’m going to go straight-edge for a while. No drinking. It’s not worth the pain, calories and expense. So, I’m banning alcohol for a while. Micah at FAHBG (Father Andrew’s Hot Body Gym (CrossFit in Tallahassee)) suggested that I go straight edge. I’m going to try it.

The past few days have been insane. Not ultra-badass, just saturated with educationy stuff.

We had a 101 question final Thursday night, a 20 page paper due Friday and then a group presentation on a client’s marketing analysis today (Saturday). I have been practically living on campus.

We made it through the presentation today (only a few critical remarks from professor) and I’m so glad to have a BREAK for a day or two!

Group 8, creatively called "Gr8" = Catherine, Chuck, Justin, Michael, shorty TStorm

I napped like a rock star when I got home.

Now I’m heading out downtown!

Hopefully I’ll wake up in my own bed this morning… haha. Catherine’s been warned, though.

I was walking around my undergrad’s classroom today, picking up their business card assignment when a student reached towards my boob.

She pulled off a little sticker with an “s” on it.

The size sticker.

The most embarrassing part is that the shirt isn’t new. I’ve worn it and washed it twice already.

Nice.

Then she put the sticker in her backpack.

I’m totally going to hook her up with an “A”

Pots, pans, whatever they’re called – I bought some today!

My approach to cooking

I think it is the perfect incentive to have Nate come home and cook for me!

I also got some nuts and dog treats… crucial to keeping my little crew occupied while a significant other is slaving away at the stove. I guess I should have gotten the actual food that will go IN the pan… but at least I’m making a step into the right direction.

Speaking of buying things… I wish I could just pay the professor off for an A. I mean, I go to every class. I’m learning shit. Do I really need to be judged by an exam? I mean, now that my iPhone’s broken, I really do pay attention now.

Obviously paying off a professor is top of mind because I’m in full-on avoidance mode. We have an exam tomorrow night – and I haven’t studied at all yet. What’s my problemmmmm???? Ughhhhh….

I also sucked ass in the workout today.
WOD: Run a mile and a half. 50 high hang snatches (45#). Then run another 1.5 miles.

Question: What do you think about when you run?

I try to curb my hatred of running by saying the Hail Mary, Our Father and Glory Be prayers over and over again in my head. Guess this is the remnants of my Catholic upbringing…. the cheater’s way of saying the Rosary while on-the-go… say enough of these prayers and you kick a poor soul out of Purgatory!

You probably can’t tell these lovely prayers are being said in my head — because my facial expression while running is saying, “I hope a mack truck comes by and puts me out of this misery.”

I got home and found this weird brown thing in my bed today.

I walked up to it, and with caution… picked it up. It was a hard rope, brown thing.

Then, like a badass, I sniffed it.

Shit.

Dried up shit on a rope.

Phizz must have eaten a rope.

Shit it out.

Let it dry in the sun.

Found it later.

Brought it back inside.

And buried it in my down duvet comorter.

I gagged and ran with it pinched in between my fingers straight towards the toilet.

I threw the dried shit on a rope in the toilet.

Gagged some more.

Washed my hands.

And then checked my email.

Today the WOD was “Annie”

Annie is a CrossFit benchmark workout of 50-40-30-20-10 Double-unders and Sit-ups.

Seems easy enough… if you’re good at double-unders. They say if you have trouble getting the jump rope around twice in a single jump – then replace them with tuck-jumps over an ab mat (side to side).

In practicing, I was able to get about 10 double-unders in a row – so I decided to do the WOD as Rx’d.

Of course, immediately when we got started, I could only do about 2 in a row. I was getting so frustrated. I almost set myself on fire — then I realized I was getting bent out of shape – so I calmed myself down and started again. Then I got one double-under and the rope got caught on my shoe again. It was super frustrating. I finally got through the entire workout it in 13 minutes. NOT a gym record by any means.

I did, however, get one hell of  a butt sore. There were 150 sit-ups in all. I felt the burn when I got in the shower later. It’s like a strawberry that oozes out liquidy butt sore gunk and stretches across my butt crack. I seriously want to take a picture to prove it.

After the Annie massacre, I got to redeem myself by doing 28 pull-ups in a row. Personal Record.

Well I have a lot of work to do tonight! Gotta run!

You think Vaseline will help butt sore? Powder? Chalk? Some TLC? ugghhh

Day 82 – Sunday.

A day to honor the Sabbath and rest. Which means I should have been productive all of the other days this past week… instead of waking up downtown and playing at the beach, right?

hmmm.

Day 81 – woke up after 15+ hours of sleep. Still felt like crap. Still had headache.

Zeke called to tell me I better be at CrossFit Coastal’s Beach Day WOD. He said the workout was going to be an epic Viking battle.

I groaned.

I made myself go. I didn’t want to. The thought of any cardio exertion made my head start to pound again.

I got to Brooke and Jeff’s Barbie’s Beach Malibu Mansion house at Wrightsville Beach just a little late. I can’t lie – it was an absolutely perfect day – not a day to bitch about a headache and stay inside… The scene of the house, the people – it was all very beautiful. It definitely made me miss Nate… something he’d really enjoy.

Zeke told me I’d “sweat the headache out” — which made me roll my eyes and sigh at him.

We all did the workout… and my headache went away.

I hate when he’s right!

The workout was simulating a battle – so it included running through the water, running with sledge hammers, doing sledge hammer swings, push-ups, sit-ups and then a wounded-person carry to the finish line. My team was Siobhan and Shelby. It was pretty badass. (Pics probably coming soon on CFC’s website)

Then we ate. I stayed away from the carbs and the beer. I didn’t want to be sick anymore.

The best part about Friday’s migraine was that I lost a pound or two and my abs looked decent.

Top Vikings

The Beach WOD was perfect… except that it was really hard to chat with my friend Tricia who was there. You see, that night there was a big surprise birthday party for her… the big 3-0!  Everyone at the workout knew about the party (except Tricia) and every time I saw her I kept wanting to say, “I’m so excited about your surprise birthday party tonight!”

So I left to avoid her and start getting ready.

One of my CrossFitting buddies, Matt Merrill, came over to my house early so we could take one vehicle to Tricia’s party. He drove Nate’s truck! You don’t understand… it is part of my wifely duties to start Nate’s truck every so often to make sure it’s still running, the tires don’t get flat sitting on the same spot, etc. For some reason, I ALWAYS forget to do this.

Thank God it started right up and drove like a dream! Thanks Matt!

The surprise party was a blast!

Birthday girl Tricia and Jaime (sans Maddie)

Elizabeth and Nico did a great job with the surprise party. They even had a beer-tasting contest. I failed miserably. I was in awe of my friend Kate, though. Home girl would take a sip and with confidence write the beer name down on the list. She got 6/7 right! I have a sample of her tasting on video – it’s hilarious and creepy – she was that good.

Then… you’d think my badass day was over… nope!

MikeMiller insisted I meet his girlfriend Brittany – who wanted to go to the beach bars that night. So, out I went again – back to the beach. To drink and dance. Brittany totally got the TStorm-Stamp-of-Approval.

I think I tried to get in a fight at some point (?) A guy did a full-on butt rub. So I grabbed is forehead and pushed him back. Haha – Thera getting in a fight — bad idea.

Then we went to Slice of Life. Mmmm. Pizza at 2am is calorie-less. Did you know that?

Got home and went to bed.

That was my Saturday.

Day 80.

It was a beautiful morning when I woke up downtown.

Here’s the thing…

I don’t live downtown.

I woke up at 7:30 to the sound of my crappy little flip phone’s alarm going off. I sat up and my first thought, “Oh, shit. Where am I?”

I am too old to be waking up in strange places. AND I had gum in my mouth. I wish I could reinact this scene for you. Use your imagination. Girl in black dress wakes up – strange place – and continues chewing gum.

Catherine and Greg decided the night before (after little black dress party) that it was not safe for me to drive home that night – so I stayed at her place. She’s awesome by the way.

I did the walk of shame — a barefoot- jog to my car. I realized in the car that my bra was around my waist.

I got home. Trooper and Phizz were like, “Well, helllllloooo, mama.”

I told them, “I’ll take you to Pups Play and Stay!” They were cool with that.

I got ready quickly and drove back to Wilmington to the mall – right in time for my 10am haircut appt. with Jess at Carmen & Carmen spa upstairs from Belk. I waited outside of the mall with all the old people who are pounding at the doors right at 10am.

Was there an early bird special I wasn't aware of?

Got fabulous…

Then…

the migraine set in.

I had to go and administer a make-up test for some students at 1:30 at UNCW. I loved acting responsible and giving the test – while inside my head thinking, “Dude, I woke up downtown this morning… hahahahha!”

But, alas, the migraine got progressively worse. Damn alcohol. Will I ever learn?

I finally got home at 4pm – and went to sleep at 4:30pm.

I woke a few times to barf. I always puke and puke with migraines.

That, my friends, was my Friday.

Once I explain the past few days… you’ll understand why I haven’t posted in a while.

Day 79 started like any other badass day for me. We gave an exam in my Thursday undergrad class (I’m a TA). After that I stayed on campus and prepared for my MBA class. I even packed an outfit before I left the house that morning- because I knew right after class (9pm) I’d be heading downtown for my buddy Tre’s “Little Black Dress” event. He’s been promoting it for weeks and I said I’d go.

By the time class was over – I was not feeling the going-out-downtown thing anymore. Logistics included having to find a bathroom to change into “my little black dress,” put make up on, eat something, … blah blah…

I knew a badass wouldn’t bail on their friend… but I just wasn’t feelin’ it, ya know? Then my girl Catherine came up to me after class and said that I could get ready for the party at her house – she lived right downtown!

So, I made my way to her cute little historic basement pad. She and her boyfriend Nick fed me. We had a beer. She and I got dressed. I put on a fresh slab of deoderant and we made our way to the Reel Cafe’s rooftop bar.

We were two of the only white girls there.

BADASS.

we stood out as white girls AND Catherine wore green at the "little black dress" event

Let me tell you something about white people — When you’re NOT a minority in everyday life, you feel like a badass when you go somewhere and you ARE one!

We drank a lot.

We tried to dance.

We drank some more.

To be continued….

September flew by.

It began with a package and letter from Nate! (Note how he uses $ for the S in Storm)

Aww, look at my hubby's seriel killer handwriting

Had workouts, better eating, social outings, family visits, fundraisers and lots of laughing in the middle.

Devin was getting pissed at the delay on my camera - 92758294375 pictures - and not one with a bubble!

And ended with:

The unfortunate eyeball loss of Trooper’s baby, Alli-g8er, a gift from Nate. Thanks, Phizz.

The gator can't getcha if it can't see!

I’m not old, but I ain’t no spring chicken, either.

Because I’m settled down and in prime baby-makin’ age — I get asked these questions a lot:

Stranger: “Do you have kids?”
TStorm: “Not that I know of!”

Friend: “When are you and Nate going to have kids?”
TStorm: “I have puppies for now. I’d rather ruin my carpet than my life”

Obviously – people know right away that I’m annoying.

Someone who should expect me to be annoying (but still gets surprised) is my handsome husband.

The other day he called me from the ship (he’s deployed) and said, “Cutiez, oh my gosh – I saw the CUTEST picture today.”

I swear I could hear the ticking of his biological clock in the background

“Baby- this picture was of Kara (the wife of a buddy who’s deployed with him right now) mowing the lawn – with her little boy mowing the lawn next to her with his toy bubble-mower. Isn’t that awesome?”

My response:

“Rooniez, let me break that cute little picture down for you.”

<He knew he was in for it>

“First of all — I know Kara has another child, like a 6 month old or something… where was THAT baby during the time of the photo? Sitting on the porch? Shitting or barfing itself inside the house? Or maybe being watched by a teenage neighbor who Kara was paying $20 an hour to? Secondly – SHE WAS MOWING THE F-ING LAWN. It’s hot. Thirdly - she was ENTERTAINING a THREE YEAR OLD. How many times did she have to re-fill the bubble compartment? How many times did he start crying in-between bubble availability? Fourthly - she was MOWING the lawn! Fifthly - who took the PICTURE? The pool boy? Because if I had to mow my lawn and watch 2 children… I’d have a pool boy to take my CUTE PICTURES!”

He gulped then changed the subject, “Soooo, I bought you a present today.”

—-

All that being said – I had dinner with the Johnson’s tonight. This family is awesome. They pray together. They are polite. They are appreciative. They laugh. They play. They even make it a little easier for me to see a future with kids in it one day.

One day.

Maybe.

Abriella & Abraham

Ethan!

Day 76 was a day of one-upping.

Jaime and Maddie came over. Phizz kept jumping up and licking Jaime. Most people push Phizz away, instead Jaime grabbed her for more. Phizz finally got to play with someone just like her.

Jaime is just the one to give Phizz a taste of her own medicine

Then I studied with some folks from the MBA program. Patti was talking shit to Tre …. Then he fixed her computer.
But he couldn’t just silently appreciate his inner victory:

Pics JUST got in from Therese’s FGB in San Antonio!

I want to do a video thang… that will have to come later.

For now, I must study for tomorrow’s final.

Therese - showing her arms for first time - need I say it? Yes! BADASS!

Friday I prepped for Fight Gone Bad. I did this by applying tanning lotion and getting margaritas with my friend Kristi.

Tequila helps you get in the fightin' mood

Saturday was Fight Gone Bad. This is the fundraising event I’ve been writing about for a while now.

I don’t have pics of Therese yet – so I’m going to wait for posting the details until tomorrow!

Smiling with MikeMiller after FGB - he was my counter

Purple sports bra to symbolize Purple Heart recipients. Can’t wait to see Therese’s pics tomorrow!

Thanks for pushing me, Mike! Thanks to all the folks at CrossFit Coastal. Thanks to the folks at CrossFit Wilmington for coming out in the rain. It was a great day!

More details tomorrow!

Star News reporter CeCe Nunn did an amazing job – and I’m not just saying that because it features me and Therese.

Workout takes on new meaning when sister challenges twin to accept scars from Iraq

Story HERE.

Today = Badass Day

!

Therese and I are going to get matching sports bras for the Fight Gone Bad challenge this Saturday. Since we’ve raised WAY OVER $200 for her – she HAS to do the FGB workout without wearing her usual long-sleeved attire.

We decided to get matching PURPLE sports bras. The color purple will symbolize the Purple Heart medal that is awarded to our wounded warriors.

Therese Frentz receiving her Purple Heart

A public note to Therese:

Sis,

I am so proud of you. On Saturday you are going to kick ass at the Fight Gone Bad workout.

I did some digging and I found a picture. This photo was taken late 2004 – the FIRST TIME YOU WERE ABLE TO WALK WITHOUT FALLING. It was a month or so after the bombing that you finally were able to stand up and make one lap around the hospital. Emotionally, I remember the nurses coming out from their different stations and cheering and clapping for you. The physical therapy nurse next to you – he was so proud of you. We all were.

And we are now. YOU’VE COME SO FAR.

You’ll do great on Saturday. It will most likely be difficult to shed your armor and do the workout with just your sports bra on. Remember that your scars are the marks of a hero. Each shrapnel bump and skin graft line tells the story of who you are now – a beautiful and strong badass.

- and although I’ll be thousands of miles away – I’ll be cheering you on from here – just like I did that day in this photo.

love,
T

If you survive a bomb blast, you get badass status for life

More info on Fight Gone Bad Here.

Post about Therese’s challenge Here.

Worked out this morning. It was the “Tabata This” workout. It was okay. You could only count your lowest score (explained here)… which I’m not sure promotes an athlete trying their hardest…. because once you get a low #, do you really push yourself to do higher in any of the subsequent rounds? I’m sure some expert can tell me why I’m wrong with this opinion. Either way, I left the gym disappointed in the WOD

Went to UNCW to do the Teacher’s Assistant thang.

It rained and rained all day. My badass mission for the day included surfing… I was supposed to try and catch some waves with my friend Tim this afternoon- but that got canceled because of the lightning.

So things were blah, until I realized it was Tuesday. Tuesday = 10% off at Flaming Amy’s IF you have a tattoo. Well, I’ve never been able to get the discount… until today… I was able to take advantage of it. $6 later, I had an avocado burrito … it includes BACON!

I met my buddy Tim Caso and his friend there (when surfing gets canceled the next substitute = big ass burrito). We laughed and had a good time — and now I have to share a story his friend Rusty told.

Rusty:
“Yeah, so I went out to a bar one night and accidentally left without grabbing my jacket. My phone was in the pocket. Apparently, some little punks found my jacket and phone. They were able to go through my personal history and read my text messages to decipher the different relationships I have in my life: ie: girlfriend, girlfriend’s mom, friends, etc. At 2am, these little assholes text messaged my girlfriend’s mom with this message: “I have been living a lie. I am in love. But it is not with your daughter… I’m in love with YOU.”

Long story short – after some heartache – we got everything straightened out. The few hours that my girlfriend thought that I sent her mother a love text were pretty painful though.”

Then the best part of his story:
“I wanted to be mad… but that’s pretty f-ing hilarious.”

I agree.

The little punks DIDN’T steal his phone… they just tried to ruin his relationship. That’s not that horrible. It’s pretty badass.

Would I do something like that?

Probably not. I’d make a call and get the phone back to the owner… super hero style. Everyone likes the good guy.

Rusty and the lost cell phone that almost cost him his future wife

I guess Day 69 in the badass journey is an appropriate day to feel completely upside down.

On Saturday night my drunk ass put my iPhone in the cup holder of my car. The cup holder had a glass of water sitting in it. The iPhone got half-way submerged into the water. (I was not driving!) I took it out quickly, wiped it off and forgot about it.

Everything was fine until I realized the phone would not charge on my car charger. I figured the car charger stopped working (Low expectations – I bought it at TJ Max). Turns out – it wouldn’t charge on the house plug either.

So, I didn’t realize the phone was affected by the water until half a day later when it completely died and there was nothing I could do to charge it up again.

So at this point, like any normal child from the late 80’s – my default solution was to wrap my mouth around the bottom of the phone and blow. Hard. Seemed logical – that’s what we did with our gray Nintendo games. If Super Mario Bros wouldn’t work – we’d take the game out, blow on it until we got light-headed – and put it back in — good to freakin’ go.

So, imagine my disappointment when, after a good blow, I still couldn’t get it turned on. (haha)

Did some research – googled other douchers who submerge their phones in water – turns out — sticking the iPhone in UNCOOKED rice actually may help the drying-out process (aaah, the opposite approach of blowing the bottom with my hot chicken tender breath).

three to four letters on each key AND it's not a touch screen - yet it mocked my iPhone as it sat in the rice

Meanwhile – I figured I was missing tens of calls… so I went to AT&T to buy a cheapy phone to use in the meantime. Their cheapest phone is $186.00.

So! I went to Wal-Mart (if you’ve read my blog post about how I feel about Family Dollar — Wal-Mart is only one or two steps above that place) to buy their cheapest phone.

$29!

The #’s stored on my iPhone didn’t transfer to my new little Samsung. I just got a text a few moments ago from a number I didn’t recognize who simply said, “TStorm, you should totally be Lady GaGa for Halloween” — I don’t even know who wrote that – and I kind of like the mystery. (Honestly, I wouldn’t recognize my own mother’s phone # – thanks to technology I haven’t had to remember a # or address since 1999)

To tap the night off – an even stranger and less predictable thing happened — I discovered MOLD on a brick of cheese in MY fridge. Anyone who knows me would tell you that TStorm would never let cheese get moldy – it’s the one thing that I buy frequently and eat most often. Maybe this means I’m growing up?

A sign I'm getting over my cheese addiction!

The food in the background of the picture is actually dog food… I lost their dog bowls last time I had them boarded — so they get to eat out of the family dishes now.

The weekend – as usual – was a blur.

Friday’s WOD
“The Broomstick Mile”
25 Back squats, 25 Front Squats, 25 Overhead Squats, Run 400 meters
25 Shoulder Press, 25 Push Press, 25 Push-Jerk, Run 400 meters
50 Squat Cleans, Run 400 meters
50 Snatches, Run 400 meters

All of this work, except for the runs, is supposed to be done with a one inch by 6-foot dowel. The moves are done in synchrony and the run is kept to the pace of the slowest runner. Everyone stays together for every rep. Our team used 35# instead of the wooden dowel… badass. It took us over 40 minutes – but it was a great WOD.

Friday night Jaime and Maddie came over. The night started with everyone wanting to go out – but then it fizzled (or Phizzled?) to just hanging out at my house. I was feeling like I was getting a cold – so Team Lima opted to bring Vitamin C to aid the sickness – we made Mimosas!

Mimosas for Maddie and Thera!

Saturday I woke up too late to make it to the 10am workout – but I got to the gym in time to do some skill work and then a “small” workout which included 5 rounds of 200 M run, 10 ring dips, 15 KB swings and 20 GHD sit-ups. I learned a new kipping style pull-up too – I think that may be my ticket to finally getting my muscle up one day.

Saturday night — now THAT was a fun night. I got to see my old cronies at Thalian Hall (staff, etc.) for their first performance of the season – called the Rainbow Room series in the Ballroom (the Main Stage is currently under renovation). Mr. Barefoot – the programming director was able to book Igudesman and Joo — a hilarious violin/piano comedy duo. These guys are extremely clever – see some of their videos on YouTube.

After the show I asked for a picture – see below.

Joo & Storm & Igudesman

I looked at the picture and exclaimed how Asian Joo looked. Then we started joking back and forth – and next thing we knew we were heading to Costello’s for drinks downtown.

The night became a blur of joking, dancing, shots and laughter. I felt like I met the male version of myself (Aleksey Igudesman – the Russian counterpart) – he was a complete stranger for only a minute. I discovered that “Lex,” like me, sickly enjoys awkward moments.

It was about 2am when we realized (at Pravda no less) that I was Lex’s ride home!

Then, like an angel – my buddy Geoff flies in to the front entrance to Pravda. Without question he drove my car to take Lex back to his hotel in Mayfaire and got us all home safely. Geoff is single, gorgeous and can get 400 points on Fight Gone Bad… so if there are any single ladies out there – please apply through my screening process to see if you make the cut.

Sunday I had a meeting with my MBA group.

Came back out to parking lot at UNCW to my dusty little Volkswagen. I discovered that someone had drawn a penis in the dust on the back window.  Turns out it was my friend Michael who defiled my car– he’s going to regret doing it – because now I can make fun of him for only drawing it with one ball.

I was on the phone with Zeke – saying how I really needed to wash my car – I had a dusty hatchback with a one-balled penis etched on the back – right next to my CrossFit Coastal decal. Zeke said to pick him up and he knew of a car wash that had a special triple-foam coating spray GUN that would make someone like me, who enjoys the little things in life, get really freaking excited.

AND he was RIGHT!

A good friend knows that the little things in life make me happy - like colorful foamy soap!

So, like Geoff, if there are any single girls out there who are interested in the cutie pictured above- you’ll have to go through me for an application process as well.

Oh! And I dropped my iPhone in water Saturday night – so it doesn’t charge anymore.
So… basically…. I feel like someone chopped off my right arm.

All in all – it was a badass weekend.

Today I received a phone call from a friend – she asked to remain nameless.

The conversation went like this:

Anonymous friend: “Thera. Girrrrl. Have I got a story for you.”

TStorm: “Bring it on!”

Anonymous friend: “Okay, so I got up at 4am to travel this morning. I had a protein shake made with milk. Then I had an iced coffee with cream.”

<BREAK> – so you know when a story starts off with someone describing what they ate for breakfast… it’s going to be a shit story.

continue

Anonymous friend: “Yeah, so I am on the road. I couldn’t find where I was trying to go. I was getting anxious… and I really, really did not feel well.”

TStorm: “You had to poop something fierce, didn’t you?”

Anonymous friend: “Yes. But I couldn’t find a bathroom. I couldn’t find my destination. I was desperate. It was awful…”

and then like a prisoner under interrogation she screams confession-style

Anonymous friend: “I’m a grown ass woman and I shit myself!!!”

TStorm: “Holy shit. I mean, damn girl. Yes, you are too old to be shitting yourself. What did you do?!”

Anonymous friend: “I had to get a HOTEL room so I could clean myself up!”

TStorm: “Oooh, noooo.”

Anonymous friend: “Yes, I shit myself and had to rent a hotel room to take a shower…. all before 9am”

Wow.

Here’s the moral of this story. Most grown women would be mortified and completely done for the day if this happened to them. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m sure this friend of mine would have preferred to have her day begin WITHOUT penguin walking to a hotel desk clerk asking if they had hourly rates… but she DID realize the humor in the situation and laughed about it.

So, now, whenever I think I’m having a shitty day…

In the MBA program professors seem to like the usage of nifty 2×2 matrices to explain business relationships like competitive advantage or differentiation between rival companies and industries.

Tonight, around 7:30pm (an hour and a half into class) I started drifting off into dream land. This always happens. I  give the first hour and a half a lot of focus… but then after that… I’m spent. It’s this time of night that I find the darkness of my own flighty little brain to be much more entertaining than the teacher.

So tonight while the professor was explaining a 2×2 matrix of globalization and some other bizness shit… I started making a 2×2 matrix of my own!

Here is a scan of my doodling during class.

Health vs Badass Matrix

As you can see, the OPTIMAL quadrant to be in would be the HIGH HEALTH / HIGH BADASS Quadrant.

I want to avoid doing anything that would go into the LOW HEALTH / LOW BADASS Quadrant.

Simple!

So I started plotting the things I did today for example.

I had a gyno appointment. Very healthy… yet not badass at all!

I had to take some TheraFlu because I’m getting a cold… this is moderately healthy — and moderately badass – because… hellooooo – it’s called Thera-Flu!

Now, I’m making this idea public… but I reserve the rights to this idea. I am going to make this concept into an iPhone app – so people can plot their day on the Health/Badass scale… and I’ll be a gabillionaire!! Hollar.

After class we had our social for the MBA Association. As the social chair, I got to help coordinate it (a little) and get some of the raffle prizes.

A few of UNCW's c/o 2011 MBA crew

Turns out – MBA nerds can throw it down just like the best of ‘em!

Shirt tied around the waist - always an indicator something bad happened

Even my buddy Greg had a wardrobe mishap – and that didn’t stop him!

Speaking of wardrobe changes — I smell like an ashtray. Gotta get cleaned up and get my badass beauty rest! Good night!

Today (from previous post) I found out that I paid about $20 for the wrong damn movie. (That’s what happens when you wait 2 months to open up your netflix movie, only to find out that they put the wrong movie in the DVD sleeve).

Before that I worked on skills at CrossFit Coastal – sprints, running and weighted GHD Sit-ups.

This is a lot harder than it looks (I always say that, don't I?)

Then I had breakfast and came back home to get some work done. The MBAA has a social tomorrow night and I was hoping to get some good raffle prizes together for it. I even emailed a professor and suggested that he’d be popular if he donated a point to our final grade to give away as a raffle prize. He emailed me back his response, “no.”

If I were a professor, I’d say “yes” – I’m just sayin’.

Then Team Lima came over for dinner. We grilled burgers. Maddie also helped me go through my fridge and tell me what to throw away. She said, “Thera, if your vegetables have a milky substance coming from them, it’s a good indicator they need to be tossed!”

Note taken!

Not only is CrossFit like the best fitness method ever… CrossFit as an entity hosts a national fundraiser every year to raise money for a great cause. Does your gym do this?

This fundraiser involves a kick-ass workout called Fight Gone Bad. Well, obviously, every CrossFit workout is a Kick-ass workout… but this one… let’s just say… makes me start my period every time I do it. My body is like (in Wanda Sykes voice), “shit, girl. This is traumatic. Pain like this usually involves bleeding. Squirrrrt.“

Anyone can register as an athlete to participate. Athletes who register can raise funds through donors/sponsors and all of the proceeds go to the charities chosen for that year. To register find a team to join here. (search for CrossFit Coastal if you’re in the Wilmington area).

This year one of the two charities who benefit from this fundraiser is the Wounded Warrior project.

Obviously, this hits close to home for me because Therese my twin sis is a wounded warrior. A couple of posts back “Therese Frentz, it’s time to take your shirt off” I go into more details about her injuries sustained while deployed to Iraq.

On September 26, 2009 Therese will be doing Fight Gone Bad at her gym in San Antonio (with just her sports bra on… the first time her scarred arms will see sunlight since October 2004) at the same moment that I’m doing Fight Gone Bad here in Wilmington, NC at CrossFit Coastal.

A lot of my awesome friends donated to Therese’s efforts – because we said that if she raised over $200 that she’d have to do the workout with just her sports bra on. Well… she’s up to $1,055!!!

As a participating athlete, I can raise funds, too. It all goes to the same pot, but as a representative of CrossFit Coastal, I hope to raise some money, too. If you’d like to donate $1 or $2 please click HERE

Thank you in advance for your support. Even if you want to come out that day (10am to noon Saturday September 26) – it’s going to be an amazing event to witness.

So, for practice we did Fight Gone Bad today.

Here’s a play by play of the workout:

The bell goes off and you start 1 minute max reps of Wallballs (14# for women)
Then the bell goes off again and you immediately start Sumo Deadlift High Pulls (55# for women) and do as many as you can in one minute.
Bell dings again and you go straight into 20″ Box Jumps – your heart is pounding but you have 1 minute to do as many as you can.
Boom – bell rings again and you’ve got to pick the bar back up and do Push Presses for a solid minute (55# for women)
The bell rings again and you jump on the Row machine for a minute of pulling to count as many calories you burn.

And then, at last, you get a glorious minute to rest. You lay on the floor and try to get your blood pressure down… because you have TWO MORE ROUNDS of this.

It sounds a lot easier when you look at it on the whiteboard. When you’re in the middle of it – especially during the sumos on round two — your head starts telling you, “Yeah, TStorm, this fucking sucks.”

Finally when you’re done (and you high five the person who’s been counting your reps and motivating you to push yourself) you fall on the floor and fight off the feeling to puke (if you haven’t already done that during box jumps round 3).

Your score keeper calculates your score — and that’s your Fight Gone Bad total.

Today, I got 267.

My goal when I first started CrossFit was to break 200.

Now I hope to break 300.

I got home and Phizz was totally stoked that my armpits were still sweaty.

Phizz loves a stinky armpit

Then I was stoked, because I used my voodoo focusing technique that the dog trainer taught me and got Phizz to smile for a picture.

Happiness is a focused furbaby

Now, that my friends, was a badass day.

I’m starting to get a little freaked out.

The other day I went for a jog. I put Phizz in the kennel and left Trooper inside with her (I needed a Mommy break). I left the door unlocked. I live in the quaint little town of Hampstead plus I’ve had a very sheltered life – so I don’t proactively think about locking my doors to my car or my house.

When I got back half an hour later, I walked up to my porch to find a single shoe sitting on the front door mat.

Weird.

I walked inside and said, “hellloooo?”

No answer. So I proceeded to walk around the house and look under every bed and inside every closet.

Surely Trooper or Phizz would be barking or acting weird if someone came in the house, right?

I got ready and left… and upon leaving the front door – I noticed the shoe was GONE.

Weird.

So then, yesterday, I’m inside the house with the dogs – getting ready to head to campus – when the cleaning folks who come by every couple of weeks walked right inside my front door. Phizz and Trooper didn’t bark at all.

Sweet. Nate’s deployed. I’m by MYSELF and I have two BROKEN dogs who can’t bark to warn me that STRANGERS just walked into my house without knocking.

So last night after a long MBA class and birthday celebration afterwards for Michael Stark with Jenn and friends – I got home late to get some much needed rest. I was lying in the dark, trying to fall asleep – it was about 1am… and I just let my thoughts get the best of me – and I became totally freaked out.

I thought I saw images in the dark. Trooper acted strange – kept getting up and down to walk outside the doggie door. I thought maybe someone was in the house with me? I turned all the lights on. I just lay there awake – weirded out.

Finally I fell asleep (with some sleep aids). I woke up this morning deciding that I’ll never leave my house unlocked again. I need to made adult decisions… ones that keep me from being freaked out for no real reason.

Because, afterall, being scared is definitely NOT badass.

This weekend was so chock-full of badassness that I had no time to post!

Friday included volunteer work (one of my goals set for amping up badass missions)…. the fun kind of volunteer work that begins with setting up for an event… centers around drinking and socializing at the event… and ends with cleaning up the event. It’s like a volunteer sandwich — and it’s all worth it because of the meat in the middle.

Hospice, an amazing non-profit hosted a luau (coordinated by my lovely bff Jenn Czech.) to raise funds for their organization.

Brian, TStorm, JennCzech, Sea Ray Jay

The “meat” portion involved meeting some great new people. Brian and Jay were my favorite. Brian even gave me some suggestions for badass missions – like doing things completely opposite of what I enjoy — like going to the Library (without my iPhone) to study or read a book for a few hours. Sounds like torture. I vote no.

Saturday I jogged a 5K around the neighborhood and then went to UNCW for a big meeting with my MBA group. We accomplished a lot of the things we missed the boat on for the initial environmental analysis draft. I hadn’t eaten all day but Michael gave me half of his gallon of apple juice to keep me somewhat focused.

Then Saturday evening I met Kim, EB, Mandy, Misty and Rachel out for at touristy night on the town… Wilmington’s Haunted Pub Crawl! Imagine bar hopping in downtown Wilmington while a tour guide tells you spooky stories of ghost sightings at each venue… that’s an equation of silliness, scariness and social drinking — my favorite formula!

The Un-Badass part was that because I drank so much applejuice during my MBA meeting – - and then had dinner (salad and sweet potato soup at Deluxe)…. I was in quite a painful situation….  The combination of an empty stomach, apple juice, and then eating dinner with a martini left me doubled over with that gas that gets stuck right underneath your ribcage, ya know what I’m talking about? The pub crawl started and I almost wanted to lay on the sticky bar floor in fetal position. I knew if I pushed through it – secretly massaged my stomach – the gas would eventually work its way through. And… it passed! I pretty much propelled myself through the entire pub crawl.

Mandy, Kim, TStorm, Blackbeard, Rachel - can you tell I'm in need of Gas-X in this picture?

Sunday me and some friends went to Geoff’s baseball game to cheer and support him at his first city league game. Unfortunately I arrived there by myself… BOTH TEAMS were wearing the same exact blue jersey/gray pants uniform and every man on the field LOOKED EXACTLY THE SAME. I didn’t know where to sit. I had to cheer for every single player until I figured out which one was Geoff — then I was able to accurately cheer for the correct team (and him in particular).

Team Name "BreakTime" -- so what's really on their mind?

It was a busy and very fun weekend. The weather was beautiful. I double-dipped wings in ranch sauce I was sharing with Jenn. I found a new dog toy in my house – one I didn’t buy. I hang power cleaned dog food at Costco. I sweated any balls off (that I may have grown?) while sitting in the bleachers at the baseball game. I made new friends. I got a carepackage for Nate put together. I worked with Phizz some more on “focusing” – right before she ran away and shit in my neighbor’s yard.

The good outweighed the bad – so it was a great weekend. Now time for sleep!

I came home today to a scary smell.

Thank God it was not the smell of  Phizz shitting herself…. It was, instead, the undeniable stench of “you almost burned your entire house down by leaving the coffee pot on, you jackass.” I got home, opened the door, and immediately dropped everything in my hands and ran to the kitchen. I turned the cheap little machine off, moved the carafe and then…

few more hours there would have been smoke - and with the massive dust bunnies I have in this house... shit would have been history...

I got this overwhelming feeling of having a new lease on life. It’s kind of the same feeling you get when you take a pregnancy test and it’s negative. You get this burst of energy – like a sense of being invincible. Thoughts run through your head of not what could have happened – but all the money you just saved. In this particular case – money saved by NOT burning down my entire house. In my mind – by flying in super-hero style just in the knick of time… I just earned about $200,000.

Sweet!

So – since I have so much MONEY now (from saving our family from total destruction, insurance claims and heartache) I have decided to:

1) Get CrossFit Level 1 Certifications for me and Nate (January Golden, CO)

2) Take a trip to see my sister in law, Kayla (sweet- she lives in Golden, CO)

3) Get lazer hair removal on every inch of my body below my eyelashes.

4) Pay someone to vacuum out all the dog hair in my car.

5) Invest in a strategic marketing campaign to get the word out about CrossFit Coastal’s awesome Women-only on-ramp program.

6) Buy a brain transplant for Phizz.

7) Employ a 24-hour pool boy

Get a pool

9) Hire a personal chef who only makes me Paleo meals and shuts the fuck up when I say I need a beer.

10) Get spray tans on Mondays

11) Massages on Tuesdays

12) Pay off the dean at UNCW to just give me my MBA… and while they’re at it, Pay off all the freaking parking tickets I’m accumulating

Well, only SOME of the items above are true… we’ll find out as the badass journey continues.

OH!

I forgot to mention – a fellow blogger who I don’t know (but admire through our Internet friendship) saw a T-shirt online and thought of me today. I think it’s pretty badass when people act on impulses and share things that remind them of you.

AND!

I’m copying and pasting this from my email account:

Hi!
My name is Thera Storm. I currently train at CrossFit Coastal and go to graduate school at UNCW.

I’m also on a journey to becoming a badass…. as you can see here: www.tstormbecomesbadass.com

I’m not particularly sexy OR badass, however, I am extremely interested in trying out to become a rollergirl.

Do you have tryouts? How can I be involved?

Your response is much appreciated!

TStorm

RESPONSE TODAY (kinda so-so, if you ask me.  I wanted more gumption!)

Hey Thera, I’m sorry but I missed this mail somehow. All you need to do is come to a practice at 6:30 on wed evenings at Scooters Rink to get started. The trainers will give you all the info on what’s required and expected. We have pads for you to borrow a couple of times to try until you decide to pursue it more. You can also use the speed skates at the rink. I suggest you get your own mouth guard though!

So, there ya have it – I made thousands of dollars today AND was offered “pads” from some Cape Fear Roller girls.

Didn’t workout today, but forgot to post yesterday’s WOD:
Hang Squat Cleans and Press 3×3x3×3x3×3x3 each at 83#

dip, shrug, get under it fast in squat position, stand up, push-press. Repeat.

Today I had my first appointment with the dog trainer.

It was a bit of  a sting to my badass ego. Obviously, I’m not the alpha dog.

Comments from dog trainer:

“Phizz does not respect you at all”

“Hmm… Phizz is in outerspace”

“We might have to take a more aggressive approach with this one…”

“She’s a bad girl”

So… do I keep paying this woman or is it a lost cause?

Phizz was tired from the hour of focusing.

my big retarded baby was worn out from an hour of "re-focusing"

On day 56 this little badass encoutered a lesson – don’t take simple shit for granted.

Here’s the thing – although I’d like to say I appreciate everything- like my house, husband, broken fertility bits… I do, unfortunately, take a lot of things for granted.

One of these things is water.

wait a second, usually H20 comes out when I turn the knob

You don’t realize how much you use water until it isn’t available.

Brushing my teeth, washing my hands, flushing turds down the toilet… all of these daily tasks require water.

This is why my world turned upside down when I arrived home from Tallahassee on Monday night and realized there was no running water in my little house.

Now, I’m not sure about the construction in YOUR home – but here in Hampstead our breaker that “trips” is located UNDERNEATH THE MIDDLE OF OUR HOUSE.

When our water stops running (usually after a hard rain) we (Nate) go under the house to reset the breaker switchy thingy… and oila! we have running water again.

Inside the wooden door - open and enter scary crawl space

Well, my oila! man isn’t here.

In my pre-badass days, I’d bitch about it and then probably call a neighbor to reset the breaker… since low-crawling in a dark space among spiders and snakes is not really my thang.

But, I sucked it up.

My Nate-sized spider and snake fighting suit

I put on a mechanical suit. And flipped the damn switch myself.

I swear I heard Trooper and Phizz say, "oh, heeeellll no, mama" when I asked them to go in with me.

Proof I reset it myself

Done!

Today was the day to leave Tallahassee – but not without a WOD with my dear friend Abby. Abby and I have known each other since 6th grade and we’ve been college roomates, bridesmaids in each other’s weddings and now have a long distance CrossFit relationship. I didn’t get to see her awesome husband, Micah – maybe next visit! They both workout here.

Me, Therese and Abby met at a high school track in Tallahassee, FL this morning to do sprints, lunges and push-ups. It was a great workout. (The great thing about CrossFit workouts is that you can do them AWAY FROM THE GYM! More ideas for away-from-home workouts here.)

Two sweaty crossfit chicks on a track = badass

Then I got back to my parents house and packed up. Right before they dropped me off at the airport we went to a fantastic Mexican Restaurant. Not very Paleo — but Therese gave me her Paleo book to borrow – so I’ll be reading up on it this week- I’m excited to get my diet in check. I keep thinking I’m doing the right stuff – but I’m not.

un foto por favor (Ryan, Rowen, Stacey, Val, Me, Daddio, Therese, Devin)

This week I’ve got a major paper due in one of my classes – yikes! I also have DOG TRAINING on Wednesday! The badass adventure continues…

Weddings are stressful. Besides my own, I’ve been on the “support staff” in 11 of them.

My favorite part of a wedding (with alcohol) is the reception – after all the vows, pictures, first dances, cake cutting and bouquet tosses… After all of this – the bride and groom finally relax.

Bridesmaids take their shoes off and the grandparents go home.

This is when the alcohol kicks in and the fun begins.

We’re feeling pretty good after doing the Cuban Shuffle and the bride (Stacey) comes up to me and tells me how lame I am with my bad form in opening a beer bottle without my hands. I said “prove that you can do it, biatch” — and she did.

Then, Andrew, the hit of the party… asked me to dance. I felt like the most popular girl at prom.

He chose me

 It was a fun night.

A daddio and his girls (Stacey was off doing her bride thang)

Friday started at 4:30am with an early flight to Tallahassee, Fl.

I was sitting on the plane as the flight attendants made an announcement to watch their safety instruction performance. I always pay attention. Not because I’m fearful of a plane crash or because I plan on being a hero in an emergency situation. I pay attention because they ask me to. I was wondering to myself if the flight attendants were offended by people who never acknowledge them, continuing their conversations, reading their books and closing their eyes in attempt to catch some sleep. 

As I was wondering this, the man next to me turns towards me and says, “I always think it’s so rude when people don’t pay attention during this part.”

!

Turns out “Shane” my neighbor was one of the most interesting people I’ve met in a long time. He had a beautiful spirit and I am a better person for knowing him.

He even offered me an Oatmeal Pie – and I asked if I could take his picture.

A complete stranger offers me their only oatmeal pie

No workout today. Ate a wrap from Quizno’s with some diet green tea. Yeah – big fail for nutritional eating and exercise today.

Woke up early to drop the dogs off at “Gilligan’s Barkery and Dog Spa” where they’ll spend this weekend while I’m off to Florida for Stacey’s wedding. (Bridesmaid duty #11)

Trooper’s face when I left her – her eyes say it all, “Mommy, don’t leave me with Phizz. I’ll be a good girl. I won’t eat your panties.”

Phizz – her eyes say, ” ————— !”

I got home and rushed to UNCW to introduce the guest speaker for the Entrepreneurship class I’m a TA for. All I ask of this class is to listen and to pass the attendance sheet around. These tards always end up having to line up afterwards to sign the attendance sheet, because it never successfully makes it around to all of the rows of students.

Then I “studied” for my Strategic Management exam that would be taking place in a few hours. I study by walking over to the student union, getting some food, sitting at a table with my book and notes… and trying to drown out the conversations that are taking place  among the undergrads around me.  These conversations are mostly boring and completely shallow – but they’re at a loud enough volume that lets me believe they want to be heard… which intrigues me – maybe something really cool is about to be said… now? … wait for it… now? Is that all you’ve got??

Example: “And she said I looked gay and I was all, it’s just a V-neck and she was all like can I borrow it and I was all like crazy ho just wants to call me gay so I’ll give her my V-neck.”

The eavesdropping on these conversations leave me heading to class feeling even more stupid than I did earlier in the day… when I was singing the “please get in the car” song to Phizz.

The other MBA students have flash cards and are arguing their interpretation of the diagram in section 2.2 of the text book… I’m checking my phone to see if I have any new text messages.

Took the test. Didn’t ace it – but us badasses need to keep a low profile, right?

generously sharing my pesky pistachio nuts

I had some pistachio nuts that I shared with my friend who sits to the left of me. I gave her all the ones that are sealed all the way shut. It gave me mild pleasure to see her struggling to crack them open while taking notes and keeping eye contact with the professor.

Got home around 10pm.

Now doing laundry and updating my iPod for tomorrow’s travel day… which starts at 5am!

I’ll get to Tallahassee around 10:30 in the morning. Especially excited about seeing my Daddio! Therese is already there and told me she showed him my blog today. She said he just shook his head. <?>

Pictures of a badass in a bridesmaid dress coming soon…

What an awesome day.

Within hours of my post about Therese taking her shirt off – we raised over $500 for the FGB fundraiser. I called her and said, “Girl, get ready – you’ve got to do the workout in just a sports bra.”

She is overwhelmed by everyone’s generosity – and a little nervous about the Big Day.

I kinda feel like I can glean some badass points from Therese today. Yes, today was a good day.

AND – if you still want to donate – it’s going to a great cause – so keep giving!

WOD for me today:

This workout made me start my period.

Run one mile (7:51)
Rest 2 minutes
2 minutes on Rower
2 minutes of Thrusters (45#)
2 minutes of 14# Medicine Ball Cleans
2 minutes of double-unders
2 minutes of pull-ups
Score: 152

My mile run isn’t earth-shatteringly fast — but it’s better than it was when I was playing varsity soccer in high school.

Today we did one of those workouts that reminds me how different the CrossFit method is from any other type of fitness routine.

The total workout was short and intense – less than 7 minutes… and it leveled everyone in there.

Warm-up
Run 800 meters
3 Rounds of Shoulder pass throughs, Overhead Squats (with dowel), 10 pull-ups

Skill
3-3-3 Deadlifts (I worked up to 200#s)

WOD
7 rounds of:
5 Thrusters
5 Sumo Deadlift High Pulls
Sprint 100 Meters
(2 minute rest after each round)

7pm class doing thrusters

These workouts get me prepared for a badass life. Maybe not for opening beer bottles without hands — but for necessary things I do in every day life – like running to catch a bus, wrestling tigers and slaying dragons.

I ate pretty healthy today too – I even COOKED – it was an awkward pork meal with squash and mushrooms. Wouldn’t win an award – but it’s better than my default eat-out alternatives.

At home. By myself. In my kitchen.

Tried a badass move.

Recorded it so I could share the badassness with everyone:

Made a second attempt. Didn’t want to fail.

Will I succeed? … watch the video!

It’s gonna leave a bruise. There’s blood, too.

Weekend included:

1. A consultation. Won’t tell secret – but here’s a good hint: Conversation from consultation: “Mrs. Storm, please highlight with this marker the areas you would consider treating….Um, Ma’am, you’ve highlighted the entire portion.” My response, “Doc, I’m a hairy girl… don’t judge a book by it’s cover.”

2. Worked out. Can’t remember WOD. Involved rowing….

"At least it's not burpees. At least it's not burpees."

3. Went to Sunglass Hut and explained that Phizz ate my sunglasses and I needed a new pair. They said I would get 50% off my next pair if I brought a piece of my old, “scratched” glasses in. Unfortunately, pissed about the destruction of my nice sunglasses, I threw every piece away… nothing to prove – so I can’t get discount. I said I could show a picture from my blog… big NO. FML.

4. Found an indoor shooting range. I HATE guns. I am SCARED of ammo. So, of course, I am going to make myself do it. The man asked, “Do you own your own gun?” I responded, “Do I look like I own a gun?” He then asked, “Why are you interested in shooting?” My response, “I want to be a badass.” He started laughing and shouted to the back, “Hey Billy, this gal wants to be a badass… hardy har hardy har!”

5. Trip to hospital with a friend (friend asked me not to post about it – so can’t share details). Was there from midnight Friday night to 6am Saturday morning. P.S. emergency room – sux balls and smells like it, too. I know my friend was in very good care however…

"let's not claim we give excellent or superb care... just in case..."

6. By the time I got home I had 30 minutes sleep and then got back up to go to my Saturday MBA class from 9am -4pm. Yeah, Saturday classes suck — but I dig the subject matter this semester – Strategic Management. I loooove strategiez.

7. After class went to a surf shop where I bought Nate a present! I tried some clothes on. Problem is, still hate my body. Shopping puts me in a bad mood real fast. Shouldn’t I be digging clothes shopping by now??

8. From there went to Matt and Lori’s awesome BBQ. I did some beer drinking, cloud watching with Abriella, boxing with Geoff, spider fighting with Abraham, bullshitting with Maddie and Jaime, bean-bag-tossing, hot dog eating and hugging. Oh, and Lori has a bottle opener on the BOTTOM of her flip-flops. Badass.

9. I left at what I thought was 2am. Turns out I was home by 9pm.

10. Went to 5th Avenue UMC church today. Everyone there is so awesome – lots of hugs. A table in the social hall was filled with goodies they’ve been saving to ship to Nate.

11. About half way through the day my feet started to hurt. And – when a girl’s feet start to hurt from some ridiculous high heels — nothing else matters. So, I kind of turned into a bitch.

12. Got to work out with some awesome ladies from Carmen & Carmen Salon – we did a private training session for them at CrossFit Coastal today. They bonded. We got to expose some cute new women to the program.

13. Got to watch part of a movie with Jason Biggs. He’s hot. Which means, I’m narcissistic… because we look just alike.

14. Chatted with Devin… about starting college and such.  It’s nice getting to bitch about the cost of text books with your sister (11 years younger).

I guess I can admit that I’ve been in a bit of a mood/funk the past few days. If were on a normal cycle – I’d be on my period. So, I’ll blame that.

Man-handled by a snatch

We continued to work on our fitness benchmarks today.

Vertical Jump: Goal 18 inches, TStorm = 17″
Push-ups: Goal 30, TStorm = 35
Rope Climb: Goal, one 20′ climb, TStorm = one 20′ climb
L-Sit: Goal, 30 seconds, TStorm = 7 seconds

Then for the workout we did as many kettlebell snatches as we could in 10 minutes. Obviously, if my form was correct I wouldn’t have these big ass bruises on each forearm… looking like a victim of domestic violence.

I did about 145 snatches. I thought that was pretty good – until the gal next to me said she got 187.

Then I realized it was after 10am and I had to be at the University before noon for my TA class. There was no way I’d have time to run to Hampstead and shower and then get back to campus and spend minutes looking for parking… so I made a badass decision – to be that stinky girl allll day… from 11:30am until 9:30pm. Ripe!

Since I was there all day, I ate lunch at the student union. I had some sort of salad with chicken on it from the Asian place…. I have been having assplosions ever since.

2 new goals: make a friend near campus with a shower and remember to pack something healthy to eat. Hell, I should make a friend with healthy food waiting for me in their fridge and eat it while I’m showering at their house. Yes.

Today I had an “ah ha – that was a badass moment” as an after-thought.

I was on the phone with Nate this morning – catching up and chatting about his flight schedule, our future, my disdain for babies, etc. And because I like to multi-task, I decided to go into the garage and tackle the recycling that has been accumulating in mini-mountains all over the place in there.

By clearing up a path in the garage by removing all the scattered trash and recycling – I rediscovered our nifty little water softener. The one that requires salt pellets every so often. I opened the lid and peaked inside – it was at an alarmingly low level.

To the left of the water softener sat three 40# sacks of salt pellets. With the phone nestled in-between my ear and shoulder, I hoisted a bag up, ripped the top off and poured the pellets into the barrel. I did this for 2 of the bags.

Then I clapped the dust off my hands and went inside to make breakfast — eggs with bacon chunks. Still chatting with Nate and calculating the math to see if we were at the half-way point in the deployment.

It occurred to me later – I lifted those 40# salt bags like it was nothin’. A couple of years ago that would have been a huge pain in the ass. I probably would have had to take cups and scoop the salt pellets out of the bag one at a time.

The same thing happened the other day when I bought a 56# bag of dogfood at Costco. Like the Grace challenge, I clean and jerked that shit up into my cart without even thinking about it.

It’s so nice to be strong – without realizing it – just being better at normal life. Pretty badass, I’d say.

So! I digress. As I’m making breakfast – my doorbell rings. Of course, I’m barely strong enough to hold Phizz back as I answered the door. An older gentleman was there and said, “Hi, miss. I was mowing your neighbor’s lawn and she suggested I come over here and offer to mow your lawn.”

I looked over his shoulder to my front yard – a beautiful sea of green knee-high wisps of weeds and dog shit.

My response: “Hell yeah you can mow my lawn!”

I was stoked about that. Now, I know in a previous post I DID say that I would not play the “poor me, do it for me” card… but he CAME TO ME – thanks to an annoyed neighbor!

Picture taken from inside my air-conditioned house

For the workout today we worked on benchmarks for intermediate athletes.
Back Squat: Goal – 1x bodyweight. TStorm = 135#
Bench Press: Goal – 1x bodyweight. TStorm = 103#
Max Pullups: Goal – 20. TStorm = 23
V sit-ups: Goal – 30. TStorm = 5 (opened up my butt sore from last time I did sit-ups)
400 Meter Run: Goal – 1:35. Tstorm = 1:31

Okay, okay.

My re-commitment to being bolder and more badass than ever has gotten off to a slow start.

I had one of those headaches today that made it hard to live. It was so painful that if a sure-fire remedy included sticking my own thumb up my ass, I would have gone for it.

But alas, sticking thumbs up asses is not a way to get rid of a headache, so I sucked it up and went about my day. Luckily it wasn’t one of those migraines that make me barf for 20 hours. Those suck. I’d do almost anything at a mere suggestion of relief with that type of headache.

Needless to say — I didn’t CrossFit today or pop into a smokey biker bar – I like to be top-notch for those badass missions.

I did find a way, however,  to meet four of my badass categories with one small gesture:

I even folded them!

It started when Nate asked me to go to Costco to buy him some more underwear to send out to Kuwait for him. (We’re both Nevernudes, apparently)

So get this crazy shit:
I found some of his underwear in our chest of drawers — and sent that! Sooo — not only was TStorm 1) a good wife, but I also 2) didn’t spend any money! Which in-turn, gave me $8 to use for 3) a generous cause.

So then! I met my friend Jennifer and her cutie patootie daughter at Moe’s (Leah’s favorite restaurant – she’s 6) and I bought them dinner!

I kept it strickly paleo 4) well, I just didn’t eat

Hollllerrrr!

I went to High Point, NC this past weekend to visit my Mama.

Mama does not have Internet. She doesn’t even have a neighbor with unsecured wireless (oh, yeah, I tried)

Therefor, I had time on my hands to ponder.

I was reminiscing about this so-called journey to becoming a badass. I mean, looking back at the posts… isn’t this blog mis-named? Maybe it would be better titled as: TStorm Fails Every Day ?

I mean – I’ve got to kick this shit in gear.

So it’s on. (again)

I’m amping up my commitment to becoming badass.

I’ve divided up the areas in my life that I will make a commitment to “cleaning up”

Food
Going to follow the Paleo diet. Video on CrossFit Coastal’s post inspired me. This also means I’ll have to cook. I HATE cooking and grocery shopping — so this is going to be painful. I’m going to journal my food entries here.

Volunteerism/Do things I don’t wanna do
Let’s face it. I’m not spontaneous. I hate change. I procrastinate, then do things that I’M ALREADY GOOD AT.
Well, no more. I’m going to take myself out of my comfort zone every day. Like, try out for roller derby. Volunteer at a soup kitchen. Mow my own lawn and stop playing the “poor me, my husband’s deployed, will you do it for me” card. Go into that scary biker bar in Hampstead and order a Paleo drink.

Church
Not just go to church – but get involved and make being the Christian Jesus wants me to be a part of every thought/action. Make attending church a no-brainer for the week’s schedule. God has done so much for me. I need to stay present and totally aware that I’m in His grace at all times. I also am going to start planning the next short-term mission trip!

Marriage
Be a better wife. I’ll have to google my way through this.

Pinch Pennies so I can be more Generous
Save $. Stop crazy spending. Have more cash. Then, give more. Period.
I started by donating to Zeke’s Fight Gone Bad campaign. Mine is here.

Dog Training
Phizz is about to go to school just like Mommy. At this school, Phizz learns that Mommy is the ALPHA DOG.

Fitness
Get Fit as F*ck. Amp up workouts. Do as RX’d. (and watch my posture throughout the day)
I’ll be posting my workouts on here

Meet more people
Not just meet people – but get to KNOW them. And learn from them. Hidden gems everywhere!

Who’s with me?

I woke up on Day 38 with that “it’s definitely going to be a badass day” kind of a feeling.

I started my Graduate Teaching Assistant position at UNCW and had lots of other classes, meetings, work and appointments sprinkled throughout the day. I knew I needed energy and a good attitude.

It never occurred to me that I needed more than energy…

I’d need a means of transportation.

My usual morning routine was stunted when I found myself going ape shit over the disappearance of my car keys. I looked in all the usual spots… no key. I watched the clock as precious time was ticking away – and then, of course, I hear fat rain drops that indicate a flood-worthy rain storm rolling in. No doubt, I was definitely going to be walking about 4 miles from the nearest available parking spot at UNCW, in the rain, among “kids” as I trudged my womanly ass to the classroom.

Then it occurred to me that instead of looking in my MY usual “key placement spots” I should look in Phizz’s cave of random shit that she steals from me.

Alas. Under the bed.

Yes, Professor, the dog ate my homework AND my car keys

VW keys cost like $200 to replace. What a Phizz Bitch!

I was able to find my spare valet key and make my way out the door.

But then, like an exclamation point at the end of an insult… this is what I find on my way out the door:

Can Phizz be arrested for defacing currency? Who can I call to take her to jail?

When the rescue agency (where we adopted Phizz) asks for donations this year — they’ll be getting this $20 bill.

Today something happened that will change me forever.

I was on campus meeting with the supervisor for my Grad Assistant position. It was the first day of Fall classes and the UNCW campus was absolutely packed with t-shirt wearing, skateboarding, overly accessorized males and females… all working extra hard to look casual and non-conforming.

I loved it. The energy. I felt “at home” – like I did on the campus of University of West Florida in my undergrad, up-all-night, homecoming queen days.

Until.

I was at a computer at the Library working with a technician to get my university email to forward to my gmail account. It was a super easy process and I was off within a few minutes. When I got up to leave – the most dreadful thing happened.

I heard a student say to her friend, “that woman just left that computer…” as she pointed in my direction.

The love. The energy. The “at home” feeling… all melted away.

Woman?

WHEN DID IT HAPPEN?

When did I make that transition from GIRL to WOMAN?

I know I’m married. I know I’m almost 30. BUT – I’ve always been referred to as “girl” — so when is it that I turned into this woman creature from being a badass-wannabe-little girl?

I wasn’t even wearing a business suit. I was in shorts and a t-shirt – just like all of THEM.

But, I’m not one of them anymore.

I’m a woman.

So – today was the day I got my new crown! No, I didn’t turn into a princess — I went to the dentist to replace the yellowy plastic temporary crown with a fancy new fake tooth made out of white-ish Thera-tooth-colored porcelain.

It started off pretty well.

We were able to rip the old one out pretty painlessly. It did drop down near my throat when it finally gave – but the doc was able to save it before I started to choke.

Then the new tooth was squeezed into place. It was bigger than the old fake tooth.

So, rather than shaving the tooth down to match the tooth on the opposite side, the dentist suggested we “add tooth” to the smaller, less massive counterpart.

It turned into one of those situations — like a haircut, where you keep trimming each side to try to make it even, ya know? Except for trimming… we were ADDING TOOTH.

Now, if you’ve ever seen me in person – you know — I HAVE BIG TEETH to begin with.

example 1: In high school my nick name was “big tooth Thera” — my friend Wiley used to draw pictures of me — it was just all teeth and a tiny body.

example 2: Nate, my dear husband, affectionately calls me “Donkey Teeth.” Whenever I get sassy he looks at me and says, “heehaw!”

example 3: When I upload an image of myself on MyHeritage.com – my celebrity look-alikes are Jason Biggs and Nancy Kerrigan.

So… as you can see, I start dripping sweat as I feel the doctor adding more tooth-matter on each side – to make my smile evenly humongous.

I’d upload a picture – but – this badass wants to have a low profile for once.

smiles,
-T

Long time no post! Sorry to neglect my tens of readers!

This weekend we had our “Grace” finals. The Grace challenge started 2 months ago at CrossFit Coastal. Every so often our gym does a challenge where you do a named workout (like “Helen” or “Grace” etc.) and record your time. Then you train like a badass for 2 months and do the same workout again for time. The goal, of course is to get better. It also holds you accountable for eating healthy, etc.

The “Grace” workout is to simply complete 30 Clean and Jerks as fast as you can. The advanced women are prescribed 95# cleans. I remember – I did NOT want to do it. 2 months ago I could barely clean 85 pounds.

But… in order to be a badass, I went for the advanced division in the June preliminaries… And I got last place. It took me 9:26 to finish.

So, this Saturday, we did the WOD again for the finals… and I did it in 6:49!

Must have been the McDonald's style weightlifting shoes

That’s a 28% improvement! WooHoo!

I won “most improved” and got some money!

Dereck 1st place male 2:41, Kristen 1st place female 5:59, me and Jay most improved male by about 50%

So! Committing myself to badass training paid off — literally!

What am I going to do with the prize money, you ask? I’m going to use it to pay someone to mow my lawn for me.

—-

Yesterday, I went outside the front yard with Phizz and Trooper. As usual, they both took off down the street. I yelled for them to come back and they kept trotting along – never acknowledging the fact that the alpha dog (me) was calling for them to come home.

I did some work around the yard for a few minutes — and in the distance I see not only Phizz and Trooper running back towards the house – but they had another tiny friend with them.

As they got closer I could see that they had a pure-bred chocolate lab puppy with them.

Oh, no! Where did they steal this puppy?!

Taken. By Phizz and Trooper.

I think they must have gone into someone’s house? There’s no way someone would let a perfect little puppy like this out in their yard unattended. I started knocking on doors — no answer.

I brought the puppy back to my house. Waited a few hours.

Long story short — I went for another walk and found the owners — chillin’ in their house. When they saw me with the puppy they were like, (in Napolean Dynamite voice) “Oh, sweet. You found Molly.”

A "never nude" is exactly what it sounds like

I was told today that true badasses never, NEVER wear underwear. Day 33 will be my first day in my life going commando.

I don’t think I can do it.

I’m a big fan of undies. Big fan.

I’ll update.

I thought this journey to becoming a badass would give me incremental progression towards being super cool. I’m not sure if I’ve even gotten to a point where I can claim “plateauing” — In fact, an expert may suggest I’m getting diminishing returns.

Here’s why:

Today

Took a shower. Walked out to bedroom to find Trooper elbows-deep in my underwear.

Trooper loves dead animals AND my underwear. Embarrassing for both of us.

Worked on the computer in the office. Turned around to find a mess. Phizz destroyed a toy and then fell asleep with it in her mouth.

Cute AND disturbing!

Made an economical decision to go to Family Dollar to purchase MORE tampons. I swear, I paid $60 for birth control that would only give me a period every 3 months… and I haven’t stopped bleeding since the day I took it. So now, I’m buying tampons every week. I go to Family Dollar because female hygiene products are pretty cheap there. I believe things are cheap at this store because it’s the MOST MISERABLE PLACE on earth. The employees hate their lives. I would, too – that place always smells like a fart. ANYWAY – I’m buying tampons there… I MISS my “goodnight” call from Nate… feeling miserable…

and then like clockwork, on the store radio I hear, “Allll by myseelllllf” playing loudly.

THEN, I come home and check on this here blog. I can check the stats on how many viewers I’m getting a day. I can also see what people are typing into Google to eventually lead them to TStormBecomesBadass. So… the past 2 days people have searched for “girls with braces” and “young Mexican girls.”

And they found my ass. Haha – suckas.

AND – you know my yellow plastic tooth – the temporary tooth until I get my real, nice white porcelain one? I think it’s getting more yellow. Is that possible?

which one of these does not belong?

Today. Kristen. Deadlifted. 315 pounds.

I barely know any dudes who can do this.

I’m speechless.

http://www.crossfitcoastal.com/workout-blog/kristen-315-deadlift-pr-community-night-grace-finals/

This badass chick is strong as hell.

I love how Kristen is still totally girlie about it, too. She’s not all jacked up on steroids and man-looking. She’s just a normal girl who trains hard and makes goals. Her mission was to do a 315# deadlift before the summer was over. She succeeded.

My goal is to be a badass…. shiiiiiit…..

In an effort to be badasses, Devin and I experienced the Slip n’ Slide this morning after a full breakfast. (Eating a meatlover’s wrap with 2 cups of coffee may not be the smartest thing to do before diving belly-first onto solid ground and then sliding 16 feet into a cold pool of grass water).

I set it up (pretty manly, eh? I can’t water my lawn but I can figure out the mechanics of a toy with a hose) — attached the hose while avoiding the black widow spider chillin’ in the pump house. Tried on the goggles I bought – turns out I purchased them from the kid section. They were so tight they actually made my eyes bulge out and kink my eyelashes. Got some Palmolive soap from the kitchen. Watched Trooper walk by and take a piss right in our acceleration lane. Said a prayer that IF we got hurt, it would be a badass injury. Then – it was go time.

As you can see from the video:

1) It hurt. Excuse any cursing you may hear.

2) Soap made it easier to slide. I recommend apple flavored Palmolive.

3) Soap got in my eye

4) I am bruised. Like I said earlier — it really freakin’ hurt.

5) My neighbors think I’m a freak (or freakIER I should say)

6) Slip n’ Slides seemed SO much LONGER when I was a kid. Was this a short $9 version – or are they all only 16 feet long?

Enjoy this little video of our Slip n’ Slide adventure!

Today officially marks 4 full weeks into the journey of badassdom.

I haven’t confirmed this with Hallmark, but I think the 4 week anniversary is the “plastic” anniversary.

And I got some serious plastic.

$9 at Walmart.

It’s on like donkey kong tomorrow. Devin’s last day in town.

It comes with a boogie. I don't even know what that means.

Only problem is that there is a huge warning that this “toy” is NOT made for adults. Actually – only recommended for children 5 to 12 years old.

Now I’m a little nervous — don’t get me wrong. I’m still excited about the slip n’ slide – I think it will be pretty badass. But it would NOT be badass if I break my neck, tweak my hip or rip a boob off.

It’s how you play the game.

Played pool at Carolina Beach with Devin and Mikemiller. 2 games. $1.50 in quarters. Devin won once. Mike won once. I blame my losses on the distraction of cops walking around everywhere and the cabbage-smelling carnies.

Carolina Beach Carnival - normal during the daylight

Speaking of Carolina Beach — At 9pm this was a quaint, happy Ferris-wheel carnival town. Showed up, met Melissa and gang for dinner at Black Horn. We ate dinner. By 11pm when we finished dinner and walked outside — the town turned to total sketch. Mike met us out there – but by then all the rides were closed. No more funnel cakes. No more booths to buy overpriced tickets. The fun houses didn’t look so fun anymore. Luckily we found an outdoor pool hall with oddly quiet teenagers who were smoking and playing some serious pool.

Always appropriately dressed

How can someone so small be so badass at pool?

I had dirt on my elbow

Saturday played Ultimate Frisbee with CrossFit Coastal folks at Ogden park. It reminded me of middle school soccer when not only was a I picked last but no one ever passed me the ball either. I blame this on being short – maybe I was harder to see in the crowd? I’m pretty sure I saw people make eye contact with me, and then choose to throw the ball to someone else.

Sweaty from running up and down the field screaming, "I'm WIDE open, bitches!"

Later that day I sang Trooper her favorite song. Midway through she just walked away.

Ate a bag of pork rinds.

Went to the beach. Devin read a story to me, Jaime and Maddie about the importance of butt hair.

"the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil"

Lost one of Devin’s shoes. It isn’t under the bed. I’m wondering if Phizz started a cave of treasures somewhere else in the house?

Nate got a cell phone so he can call me while at his current port stop. It only works every 5 phone calls. So I start off answering, “Hey Baby!” … silence. Next call, “Rooniez!” no answer… Next call: “Hello?” no answer… Next: “FREAK NASTY, dude, where did you get this phone? From a crack whore?!” … That’s when he can hear me.

HAHA – Devin just walked in the room and looked over my shoulder. She just found out that one of her shoes is missing.

I’ve got a fever. And it’s not for more cow bell. It’s for an effing slip n’ slide.

slippery wetness saves a hot summer day

too tired to fix bad Photoshop skillz.

The badass journey continues – and this week I have my little sister along for the ride.

A few sweet things:

1. Discovered a new cider beer that I loooove. It tastes more beery – so I feel more badass when I drink it. See pic.

Original Sin Cider Beer - new fave. Kristen always creepin' in the background.

2. I MIGHT have done something crazy and badass. It involves needles. Private pics available…

3. Watched a psychological thriller called The Killing Room.
For the record, I hate movies. I never pay attention.
Not this case, though! I rewound it whenever I even missed a sentence. I missed several parts of the movie because Phizz had gas.

4. Got $40 back for an old Calculus book (took Calc in April)

5. Think I’m going to put the $40 towards a new Slip n’ Slide.

I am a big sister.

18 minutes older than my twin sister, Therese.
3 years older than my step sister, Stacey.
11 years older than my half sister, Devin.

Being older AND being badass means I have a lot of responsibility on my shoulders. It’s the daily cross I bear.

Today I’ll focus on Devin… because she’s VISITING ME!!! She heads to University of Florida for her freshman year in college in a few weeks — she said she wanted to have a badass trip before school starts… so naturally she came to visit my sweet ass in North Carolina.

Since I am 11 years older than Devin, I’ve been able to be present in her development and help mold her into a little mini-me. So… basically… she’s freakin’ awesome.

We’ll have a lot of adventures this week…. stay tuned!

little sisters = happiness

PASSED!!

Well, I failed the EXAM (got a 67) but somehow I passed the class!

I can scream I am so freakin’ happy. I don’t know how this happened but I don’t even care. I passed. Now I have a badass 2 week break  until Fall semester.

LML (love my life)

My mom is visiting me from High Point, NC this weekend. Today is her birthday.

I explained to Mama that her daughter is now on a journey to becoming badass — which means that she’d in-turn have a badass birthday.

She rolled her eyes.

Today:

1. We went to church. (badass)

2. Then I surprised her with a trip to the Salon! She got the works – a cut and color! FABULOUS!

3. We went to get some Martinez Chicken and hang out with Crossfitters (can’t get enough of these people)

4. Came back home to have coconut pie and coffee.

5. Need to pull an all-nighter to study for my Quantitative Methods exam tomorrow… but that will be difficult since I just chugged a 1/4 bottle of some Tylenol Severe Cold Medicine liquid nasty shit. I feel a cold coming on. I keep sneezing and my right nostril is dripping snot. Not cool.

"Hey, Jessi, make my badass mama feel beautiful!"

Badass goal for today: Make someone cry.

Done.

(Sorry Rowen. You are my favorite nephew, even though I’m not your favorite auntie)

Did more research on beeeeeer!

Some badass scientists conducting a study at the University of Wisconsin found that when Guinness Stout was given to dogs with narrowed arteries it reduced the dogs’ clotting – a benefit similar to taking aspirin! Guinness also has antioxidant qualities which slow down the deposits of cholesterol on artery walls.

PLUS Guinness is high in iron content, high in vitamin B (from the brewer’s yeast), lower in calories than many other beers (just 125 per 12 oz),  and other reported benefits such as a half pint a day used to be prescribed to lactating mothers because it helped their production. Apparently the whole reason it’s called “Stout” is because it was drunk by people who did physical labor (Same is true for “Porters).

Now, I’m not sure about giving beer to doggies…

So, appropriately enough – my little Irish nephew, Rowen, was in town visiting to witness my first dark beer. Stacey, his mama (my step-sister) helped with the pouring and the clock-watching.

Stacey pours the Guinness for me

I like my beer like I like my men

I decided to treat my first-Guinness-drinking experiment like a CrossFit workout. I looked at the clock and said 3-2-1 Go! The only thing I didn’t have was chalk on my hands and sweat pouring from my arm pits.

3-2-1 GO!

The clock starts

Half way into it - baby gettin' blurry!

Time is a tickin'

Done, right???

TIME!

If I were at CrossFit Coastal I’d have to put “TStorm: 43 minutes” on the white board. I wouldn’t be ashamed unless everyone else gets like 12 minutes or so…. really it’s all relative.

What is your score/time for drinking a Guinness? I doubt I have a “gym” record… but it was my first Guinness WOD!

BadAss Thursday July 30th Recap:

Studied for my Microeconomics final.

Read your hater mail (comments) about my 3am Beer Thoughts blog… Did more research… you guys are all right! More on beer later.

Ate at Flaming Amy’s Burrito Barn for lunch (badass)

Studied for final some more.

Took final at 6pm. Pretty much failed. I think this because I was done before everyone else and it felt easy. I bet I forgot to turn it over and there were questions on the back or something. FML.

Went to CrossFit Coastal for “Ladies Night” – which was a huge group of people doing some of the lady benchmark workouts like Fran and Christine. (If this confuses you – check out “Girl WOD Demos” HERE.

Afterwards a big group went to On The Border for dinner. Dude – Mexican food twice in one day = BADASS.

Zeke bought tequila shots for everyone — Thursday July 30th is apparently national tequila day. (well, that’s what the sign said)

Tequila for badasses!

I went to my dentist today to have my root canal fixed.

If you’ve ever seen me in a club, or maybe at a theme park attraction, or the Halloween store — any place with a Black Light — you’ll notice that one of my front teeth does not shine. Several years ago I had a tooth that died (from the Bionator headgear experience) and I had to have it replaced with a fake tooth. This tooth, as of the past 2 years or so, has started to reposition crookedly in my grill. My dentist suggested that I really didn’t need braces – but instead have that tooth reset so that my teeth would appear straight again.

While waiting for the doc, I fell asleep in the dental chair. I wake up to hearing Dr. Farrell say, “You don’t look very badass right now.”

To reclaim my coolness, I responded sleepily with, “Only badasses can fall asleep in public places of torture. AND speaking of badass, I’ve put a lot of thought into this: I’d like you to replace my root canal tooth with a gold one. Preferably one with a $ sign etched on the front.”

Dr. Farrell says: “You totally could NOT pull that off. You’re wearing a polo and Sperry’s.”

Me: “Badasses can do whatever the f*** they want. I can definitely pull it off.”

Dentist: “Suuuure.”

Then Dr. Farrell turns to the assistant and says, “No Novocaine for this badass.”

And then he proceeded to take a sledge hammer and knock my old fake tooth out.

Okayyyy…. it was a drill type thingy…. but I definitely felt and SMELLED porcelain flying everywhere… and he didn’t numb it at all.

So – after they did all of the putty molds, etc. etc. — they sit me up and say, “your real tooth will be here in about 2 weeks.” THEN the doctor says, “I really don’t want to give you the hand mirror. We use the same color temporary tooth for everyone… so this one does not match the whiteness of your other teeth…”

He slowly passes me the mirror. I look. It basically IS A GOLD TOOTH… but more yellow than hip, rap star gold.

So, for the next two weeks I have a temporary yellow tooth.

Badass.

Photoblog of BadAss move for today: TStorm changes the house’s Air Filter.

Step 1: Get a step ladder for my short ass and open the air filter thingy.
Easier when you have 1) a friend (Kristen the photographer) 2) a sidekick (Phizz Bitch) 3) a step ladder to help.

2 Crucial helpers: Step Ladder and Phizz Bitch the dog

Step 2: Assess the damage of waiting too long to change the Air Filter.

No wonder my house is dusty and I have "allergies"

Step 3: See the difference between a clean Air Filter and a dirty Air Filter. Try to look sexy.

Out with the old, in with the new!

Step 4: Pop the new filter in place and secure the vent.

Pop and lock baby

Step 5: Go to Mayfaire and buy a new pair of sunglasses and try to look badass.

This badass just changed an air filter, bitches!

DONE!

I was in the middle of typing my Day 15 Daily BadAss Recap when an email from Nate popped into my inbox.

It was a simple one-paragraph email that I’ll copy/paste below:

I've got some ammo for ya!

“We’re done flying.  I pooped in an ammo can while the aircraft was flying.  I got out of the seat and into the cabin, took my
flight suit down, pulled my undies down and pooped in an ammo can.  I wasn’t gonna make it back to the ship.”

Now I’m thrown off track.

Suddenly I’m pondering whether pooping in an ammo can is badass?

I’m pretty sure it’s a fine line between badass… and really f-ing disgusting.

Haha – poor guy.

The other day I got one of my bi-monthly crazy cravings for pickles. Not just the pickles – but the entire contents of the jar. It’s weird. I just get this craving. I buy a medium-sized jar of pickles. Eat every single one of them. Then drink the entire jar of juice. I wait for about an hour. Put on shorts with an elastic waistband…  And then have what I call “Assplosions” for the rest of the day.

It’s not a pleasant experience – but I’ve got to feed this badass machine what it wants, right?

So – the day I had this craving I changed my Facebook status to “craving pickles”

Within minutes I had about 15 comments all basically saying “must be preggars!”

Couple of things wrong with this:

Pickles - popular for many reasons!

1. I’ve been drinking pickle juice since I was a child. When the other kids used to make popsicles with Kool-Aid and Coke — I was using pickle juice.

2. Nate is deployed… not an optimal time to procreate

3. The entire pickle industry is not solely supported by pregnant women

4. If I were knocked up- my status would be more like, “Can someone push me down a flight of stairs?” JUST KIDDING – everyone knows I would totally pretend like I did it on purpose!

I decided to do some research! Turns out:

“If you find yourself craving pickles your body may actually be craving the salt not the actual food.  Salt cravings are sometimes caused by serious underlying problems like diabetes or anemia, if you discover that you have salt cravings it’s a good idea to schedule an appointment with your doctor to rule these out. Another less serious factor that can cause you to have salt cravings is adrenal stress. Many things can contribute to adrenal stress. One factor that is very common is consuming too much caffeine. Caffeine is found in many things like coffee, soda, and even chocolate which you may want to cut back on to see if this helps to eliminate you cravings.”

So – Hmm. Maybe I’ve got some potassium deficiencies. Either way – this now brings me to something that happened this weekend.

No joke – this text message conversation really took place within the time frame of this pickle-debacle.

From a # I don’t know: “Congrats!”
Me: “For what?”
From # I don’t know: “For the baby!!”
Me: “OMG – is this about the freaking pickles?!?! Jeeze!”
From # I don’t know: “Oh, I”m sorry, wrong number.”
Me: “I’m sensitive because I’ve been craving pickles lately.”
From # I don’t know: “Oh, well then congrats to you, too!”
Me: “Thanks! I’m not pregnant – so it’s definitely worth celebrating!”
From # I don’t know: “LOL – Amen to that, sistah”

Anyway — that’s my pickle story.

The rest of my badass weekend involved Quantitative Methods homework… my brain doesn’t work the way it needs to for this class. I’m going to fail. The weekend also involved three 225# deadlifts. Going to church — ooh, got some really cool insights that will be on future blog post.

NEXT UP: I have a few badass tasks in the hopper. They involve changing our house’s air filter and rescuing our riding lawnmower from the weed garden under the back deck.

Inside the CrossFit Coastal gym there are things that we take for granted. For example, the communal sweating. We don’t sweat a little - it drips off of our bodies in buckets and coats everything that we touch. Complementary to the sweat is the dirt you’ll find smeared on our faces and legs from doing push-ups, vault rolls and walking lunges. And we can’t forget to mention the chalk that we grind into our blistered hands – which eventually just clings to our sweaty Nike shorts.

We’re a rough bunch. We train too hard to really think about our image in the gym.

I’ll tell you when it hits me – AFTER I LEAVE – like when I run to Costco to buy almonds and fish oil pills by the pound – and this wave of funky stank butt wafts up into the air and slaps me in the nose… and I realize that nastiness is coming from ME. Others probably notice – and it makes me want to retreat back to my safe world of sweaty, chalky Crossfitters who would accept me just the way I am.

I darted through the mega store to grab my nuts and dog food – when something grabbed my eye! Looks like I have become so famous that products are being named after me and my lifestyle! I had to take a picture.

Thera Pure's namesake... me?!

The picture is fuzzy – because being badass and all, I was probably doing other important things at the same time I was snapping this photo. (Like looking over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching the sweaty girl take picture of an air cleaning system.)

OH! Turns out,  I lost my Costco membership card, so I had to get a new one on this trip- with a NEW PICTURE – again, looking dirty, chalky and with that sweat that beads up on your upper lip and chin… does anyone else get that?

Survived that trip. Came home to finish up our group’s 2nd MicroEconomics assignment – to discover that my internet was not working. Not even on my iPhone! I panicked for a bit – but in the end – the paper got turned in right on time (inside an orange folder with a matching orange paperclip thank you very much!)

Tomorrow should be interesting…

Found the Roomba!

Roomba hiding out in Phizz's cave of random shit

Underneath the master bed a few rooms away… (thanks to a gmail chat with Kayla who suggested I look under there).

The iRobot was under my bed along with things that I should be embarrassed to share: a torn up roll of toilet paper, tampon applicators, underwear, plastic grocery bags, my favorite necklace and a shoe.

THANKS, PHIZZ!!

So, I got some badass work done today. Not really top secret – but the projects are incomplete so I’ll share later.

Quick recap: On day 9 I was able to walk on my hands for about 1.5 feet for one of the CrossFit exercises. This is monumental.

Um. I’m tired. I can’t think of anything else. Sorry. This badass hit a wall. I’ll be up-and-at-em manana!

love,

TStorm

I’ve had this on-going headache for about a week or so now. I’ve been eating Imitrex like it’s candy – but it’s the only medicine that makes the pain go away for half a day.

I was in  a long meeting this afternoon (MBA Learning Alliance Company in Leland) and I hit a wall with this headache again – (I can always tell when it’s about to get to the point of no return) – so I subtly picked up my purse and started rifling through it – looking for my magical pills. I could not find them. The search became manic (in my mind) as I was close to absolutely losing it in front of all these nice business folk… the term I like to use when I get this way is, “going ape shit.”

I knew I had to do something – I was hungry, I could feel it turning into a full-blown migraine – and my next stop was Quantitative Methods class for three and a half hours right after this first meeting.

My solution: Politely and diplomatically bring the meeting to a close, speed walk to the parking lot, jump in the car and then drive straight to McAllister’s to order a big ass potato.

"I'll take the 'straight to my hips' spud, please"

No logic – except pure craving for a loaded potato with all the fixin’s a girl could dream of.

Substitute for Imitrex = 2 foot long Baked-Potato

Now – I’m not allowed to complain when my pants are tight.

BadAss diet (Paleo/no grains/no sugar/no cheating) starts tomorrow! I need accountability. Who’s with me?

P.S. and not to justify it — but my headache did subside – and I didn’t die of hunger during class…

I’ve determined this fact:  badasses go to church.

Think about it, Jesus was the ultimate badass. He died for us and did like a gazillion other cool things. Yeah, I said it.

Today the message was about sowing your seed in the right soil. I think I sow my seed among tumble weeds… I get it (the Word), it grows, but then sometimes I let life’s worries and worldly concerns take over and it suffocates the growth process. But just like this quest to become a badass – it’s all a journey. I’m learning as I go.

If you look closely - you can see blood!

After church I went to CrossFit Coastal. Sunday WODs are always fun. Today was 25 OHS, 25 Pull-ups – 3 rounds. I took the longest of everyone to finish. I only did 15# Overhead Squats, too.

I got a badass injury from the pull-ups, though.

The day is still young – I have plenty of badass hours left today.

I must choose how to spend them wisely.

In UNCW’s Professional MBA program you have class for 3 hours twice a week (Monday and Thursdays) and for the first year you have class from 9am to 4pm TWO SATURDAYS a month.

So on a beautiful Saturday morning when people were on their boats, doing workouts in the park, arranging family picnics, sleeping in, having a nooner with their significant other… I was in a cold computer lab with fellow nerdy over-achievers.

This Saturday’s class was Quantitative Methods. I still don’t even know what this means. I try to pay attention, I really do, but I start day dreaming about all the other things I’d rather be doing. This daydreaming passes the time – but I’m gonna be screwed when it comes time for the final exam.

Then I got home and got ready for a friend’s house party. Turns out – it was a sausage party – which I don’t mind – (meeting new chicks is always kinda tricky) – but they weren’t really excited to see me (a sausage party wants single girls – I just increased the ratio of lameness by being married and all).

Interesting enough though, a guy from the MBA program happened to be there. We didn’t realize we had mutual friends. We got to catch up – and he let me in on a secret – there was a rumor among some of the guys in the MBA program that I was a lesbian who pretended to be married.

Awesome! Not only was I in class all day, then at a sausage party, but now I’m a lesbian who pretends I have a husband who is deployed.

Day 6 = BIG FAIL FOR BEING BADASS

Today began with a Migraine at 7:30am.

Called Doctor. Pharmacy had drugs at 2pm.

Slept.

Woke up around 8pm.

Felt better. Went to Target to buy a baby shower gift.

Freaked out at 9pm – realized I had the LAMEST day ever.

Checked my phone – no one was calling or replying to my text messages.

Felt alone – but didn’t want that to get me down.

Went to a restaurant (where my friend works) and sat at the bar and ate dinner by myself.

Not sure if this redeemed my lame day — or if it was the icing on the cake.

???

Had the bartender take a picture to prove it. The guys on either side of me felt the radiation of un-coolness coming off of me – just look at their body language!

Day 5 - eating alone experiment

(In actuality – to my left is Kevin – he works there and sat down to say hi. The guys to my right found out that I was by myself and came by to say hi because I think they felt sorry for me)

Now that folks are finding out that I am on a mission to be a badass – they may be taking advantage of me.

If you say, “Badasses do ______” — whatever goes in the blank will be something that I’ll be pressured into doing.

If you look close you can see weeds and shit in Sami's hair = badass

My friend Sami is moving (sadly) and she mentioned that badasses help friends do yardwork. Within minutes I was at her house, making a trip to Home Depot with her, hauling big bags of mulch, picking weeds, and strapping a large blower over my shoulder — which I actually used for sucking instead of blowing… sound familiar?

Loud machines = badass

Anyway!

All in all – we felt tough – and we got the work done in a fraction of the time it would have taken one person to do it.

Volunteer work is a kind of a pay-it-forward thing – makes the world a better place, don’t ya think? Plus she rewarded me with beer – Michelob Ultra’s Pomegranate Raspberry! Wait, is that a badass beer? Uh oh…

Pros and Cons of BadAss Day #3:

Pro: Woke up at 6:30AM (I’m pretty sure badasses wake up early)
Con: It was because my phone rang – so I forced myself to use that “No, I’m really awake voice” when in fact, I am pretty sure I was still dreaming during the first part of the conversation.

Pro: Did WOD at CrossFit Coastal today – 5 Rounds of 6 45# Hang Power Snatch Cleans and 6 Box Jump Burpees
Con: WTF – Box Jump Burpees can kiss my ass (which is hanging out of my shorts – pictured below)

Pro: Went to the Fresh Market to get a BadAss healthy meal with a friend for a fun picnic
Con: Ended up getting some fruit and a big BadAss can of beer instead. (vote: drinking during lunch – is it lame or BadAss?)

Lunch of Champions - Fresh MEAT!

More for shock value...I couldn't finish it.

Pro: Got a cool handstand picture
Con: It took a lot of pictures, sweating, cursing and inner-dialog about how BadAsses should be able to do handstands — to get the handstand picture you see here.

Pro: Went to UNCW to meet our Team’s Learning Alliance company for the MBA program
Con: Upon introducing myself to the CEO of our company – I shook his hand and said I had the same Meyers-Briggs personality profile of Hitler. (This is true: ENFJ)

Tomorrow’s quest (per comment today): Find the MOST BADASS SONG in existence. And listen to it every morning.

What is a BadAss anyway?

I looked online to find the definition of a BadAss:

1. a tough person or rebel. 2. skilled. 3. very good, excellent; COOL, AWESOME.

Found on the Internet

It is obvious that I need to toughen up, get some sweet skills and become pretty freakin cool/awesome.

Today I tackled the toughening up part. I went to Nikki’s Sushi restaurant with my dear friend Jenn Czech’ and some girlfriends. When the waitress asked what I wanted to order, I simply stated I wanted the most badass meal on the menu.

When the meal came – I got raw fish. Apparently this is called shashimi?

I ate it with that green stuff that makes your nostrils feel like there’s fire spewing out from your throat. It was pretty badass.

Later I went to the gym and did the WOD: 5 rounds of shuttle runs, 8 kettlebell swings, 16 push-ups. It took me over 9 minutes. BadAss? Not sure. You know, I’m still on my period.

All in all – I think I toughened up today.

-TStorm

I woke up yesterday morning with 2 thoughts: 1) I really like that new Black Eyed Peas song “I Gotta Feelin” – it reminds me of an Old Navy Commercial.  This happy/energetic song led me into thought #2) Today is the day that I begin my journey to BadAss-dom.

The urge to be a badass was incredibly overwhelming. I can’t explain it. It just feels right.

But this will be a tough challenge.

Reasons this will be super difficult:

1) My stats: white girl, 5′2″, about 120-ish pounds, deathly afraid of left-hand turns, horses, grocery shopping and movies

2) I’m currently on my period

3) I’m not exactly sure what a badass is or does - I will have to define this.

4) I opened my fridge to make a stellar breakfast to fuel this badass machine — and here’s an un-photoshopped picture of my fridge:

Fridge on Day 1 - bad start to badass-dom

As you can see, I have some seltzer water, some vodka, pepto bismol, dog food and an onion. The rocotta cheese is from a meal my sister made when she visited in May. I keep it in there because it makes the fridge look fuller.

Moving on – went to the gym for a badass workout (I CrossFit, so I already have a few badass points). The WOD today was Nancy. Freakin Nancy! My least favorite exercises are running and overhead squats. Nancy: 5 rounds for time: 400 meter run, 15 overhead squats. I knew a badass wouldn’t pull the “period” card – so I kept my mouth shut and did the workout. I ended up only using 45# for the overhead squats (Rx’d is 65# for women) and it took me 25 minutes.

Needless to say – Day 1 of Becoming a BadAss did not kick off to a good start.

We’ll see how the next few days go…

-TStorm