Imagine.

Imagine a world where we see ourselves the way God sees us.

—-

We enter this world as infants, innocent and ready to receive love.

Then the ugly world takes over.

We’re taught about insecurity, pain, mistrust, bitterness and anger.

We become victims of  judgment and discrimination.

We grow up to resent our genetics and place ourselves on a ladder of the perceptions of imperfect men. We weigh our value on their perceptions of beauty, sex and love.

Imagine a world where these perceptions didn’t matter.

Unfortunately my friends, A world like that will never exist.

So what do we do?

We must take a step outside of ourselves and learn to love what we see… inside and out.

We are tainted with experience. We are not perfect. But on those days that we feel beautiful… when our pants fit just right and our shirt hangs appropriately… these are the days that we have an extra pep in our step.

The “pep in our step” is intangible… but obvious. People can’t put their finger on it… but when a confident women walks up to you… you know it. She loves herself. She feels beautiful. She feels smart. She feels strong.

I believe every woman has the capability to feel this way.

Imagine if tomorrow 50% of women felt extra confident. Imagine! The world would completely change! You’d have women speaking up, teaching a friend something new, volunteering, earning higher education, overcoming an obstacle, standing up for themselves…

Come with me. Join me on this journey.

Women are capable of many, many things. We are capable of pushing past the boundaries that DO NOT exist.

I believe physical strength corresponds with inner confidence. Physical strength is possible. It’s only a kettlebell or push-up away.

It’s so close. Reach out and grab it. This is your life. You are capable of conquering the world.

got this pic off of crossfit.com main site

Did Angie as RX’d and finished in exactly 20:07! I am a freak, because this is my favorite workout (Besides Cindy). I also like Murph, which is a similar WOD (but harder): 1 mile run, 100 pull-ups, 200 push-ups, 300 air squats, 1 mile run. I prefer the body weight stuff (ring dips, etc.) to weightlifting workouts that involve thrusters and Overhead Squats.

—

But alas, my battle with emotions continues. Found myself squirting tears all day. And don’t tell me it’s from the Christmas Music. I get the opposite effect from holiday tunes – especially from that one weird ass song about sending shoes to a dead mother in heaven… don’t get that one at all.  I love how the DJs are always really somber after that song plays… when really you know inside their head they’re thinking, “I’ll lower my voice and act sensitive, even though I have no fucking clue what that song is about!”

Anyway! I don’t know. Just feel like crying (when usually I’m slow to openly cry). And when the tears come it’s like this beautiful release – kinda like scratching an itch or drinking water after a workout. The tears feel natural and good – like they’re satisfying an urge I’ve had for a long time.

Warning: This Blog Contains Foul Incontinence

They say pimpin’ ain’t easy. Neither is dog-sitting a seventy pound lab with “issues.”

See, Therese (twin sis) came to visit me this past summer. She brought along her lovable, easy-going, friendly yellow lab named Dullard. Therese rescued Dullard from a doggie fostering agency in Texas. He’s somewhere between 3 and 5 years old – and although he can’t speak of his past experiences as a stray, his issues certainly paint a pretty good picture. A picture clear enough that Therese named him Dullard within a few hours of his adoption.

Therese’s visit to North Carolina had one condition: she had to go to Washington D.C. for a week to take care of business, but she would be back to hang out with me for a week after that. She asked that I watch Dullard while she was in D.C. Seemed like no big deal to me, after all, I already have a dog, Trooper.

Fur cousins: my dog Trooper and Therese's dog Dullard in 2006

Before Therese pulled out of my driveway, she warned me, “oh, Dullard is afraid of certain lights, cell phones, strange noises, lightning, thunder, vacuums, laser levelers, other dogs, pooping in strange places, most people, food…”

Day 1 went by pretty well. I was concerned, though, because Dullard hadn’t eaten or pooped since Therese had left. I would walk him on his long leash around the neighborhood but we weren’t having much luck. Therese warned me that he would run away. She also threatened to kill me if I lost her dog.

By day 2, during one of our walks, Dullard started to squat. I was so excited that he was finally defecating that I didn’t realize my strategic placement about 10 feet behind him. Well, without warning, after his poop was complete, he started revving his hind legs like he was about to start a motorcycle. Trooper does this, too, however she’s about 50 lbs. lighter and she’s much more dainty about it. What FELT like MUD flew into my face – right in the TEAR DUCT of my left eye.

Immediately the smell hit me.

Dog shit had just flown onto my face.

Well, let me tell you, I’m a gagger. I gag if I see someone else gag.
Dog shit on my face brought my experience in gagging to a whole new level. I basically dry-heaved and violently gagged the entire way back into the house. I was blind in one eye, had a dog freaking out by my strange reaction on a leash, and doubled-over heaving the entire way back to the closest bathroom. I ran to the vanity, and gagged some more at the site of dog shit on my face. I had to take my fingernails and scrape the dog shit off my eye. By then my stomach hurt from the dry heaving and I was washing my face like a desperate teenager with acne.

Day 3. Dullard missed his trusted owner so much that he got a little condition I’m familiar with: IBS. Dullard started breathing heavy this afternoon and went into my kitchen. Then, like a waterfall of pudding, Dullard shit a loose turd stream right by my dining room table. I got some paper towels and dry-heaved my way through the cleanup process. Actually, Nate cleaned it up, but I did all of the gagging while I watched in support.

Day 4. Dullard peed out of his butt again. All over my bathroom floor.

Day 5. Dullard’s intestines weren’t settled yet. This time he shit a pool of chocolate milk by my back door. But this time he slid his tail through it before I could get him outside. Remember, I couldn’t just open the door and let him go – so I had to get him on a leash first. Before I could get him hooked up, Dullard managed to run around the kitchen hitting the walls – leaving Picasso style paint strokes of dog shit all over. The poop tail swiped against me, too and once again I had Dullard shit on me – this time on my back and shoulder.

When Therese finally returned on Day 6 we were all incredibly happy to see her. Dullard jumped in her arms and was a happy, healthy, solid-pooping pooch the entire week she was at my house with him (go figure).

In conclusion, dog-sitting for a rescue animal with issues ain’t easy. But, I’ll also admit that I’d do anything for Therese – so if cleaning up her dog’s shit warrants a visit from her, I would deal with it all over again.

Dullard in 2009: Therese taught him how to balance a pancake on his head

Friday Night
Nate and I met Matt at the gym so we could carpool together to Durham for the CrossFit NC games which would be starting early the next morning. We had a caravan with Tim Caso and Mike Miller. It was getting COLD outside. We immediately started bitching about how we would all die if the competition was going to be held outside…

Arrive at hotel
We show up to the hotel – it was lovely! Tim Caso was able to use his “points” to hook us up with a free room!
This is where my nervous body decided to spew blood. Of course! I started my period the night before the competition! (I’m not supposed to start for 3 more weeks…) I only packed 2 tampons… being the only girl, I didn’t want to bother the group of guys with a Walmart trip – so I decided I would ration the tampons out for the next 24 hours. Risky!

Dinner Friday night
We walked to Tyler’s restaurant (downtown Durham) from the hotel. My feet went numb it was so cold outside. We all decided that true badasses would need to fuel themselves with chili, beer and meaty dishes like chicken and rib eye. Yum. Thank God Brooke and Jeff met us there with their minivan – they gave us a ride back to the hotel. Tim and I were the smallest, so we had to sit in the twins’ child-sized car seats…

Toby and Tyler will ask mommy the next day, "Who's big asses were in our car seats?"

Saturday morning
We woke up… I didn’t sleep all night. Since me and Nate shared a hotel room with Matt – I had to squelch my gas bubbles all night. I also decided I would wait to poop until I got to the gym. Most people get the nervous squirts before a competition – so I figured it would be less awkward to poop at a public place rather than the privacy of the hotel room. I just didn’t have the heart to blow up the bathroom before Matt brushed his teeth. If it were just Nate, I wouldn’t give a f*ck.

Got to the gym
Found out: the competition would be INSIDE! Yes!!

That’s when Liz pointed out Sarah Dunsmore. She said, “That girl over there, by the trash can – she placed 3rd in the CrossFit games. She’s like nationally fit.” I looked over, and there’s this tiny woman with maybe .00005% body fat. She is TINY. At that moment I realized I was a lame badass-wannabe — who made excuses for being small when I heard about the 95# clean and jerks we would have to do. Anyway, I can’t use that as an excuse anymore.

So, stalker style, I walk by her (to throw something away – she was near the trash can) and that’s when she looked up and said, “hey badass.”

OMG! Sarah knows me!

Girl crush!!!

So, awkwardly the first thing that comes out of my mouth: “I’m on my period! Ain’t that a bitch?!”

Ugh! It’s weird. I’ve worked side by side with Kathy Ireland before. I have met Denzel Washington, Willie Nelson, and other celebrities. But there’s something different about meeting a strong woman who wins national fitness competitions… I actually RESPECTED her. Interesting!

Competition Begins
So the competition was getting ready to begin and a lovely gal comes up to me and pulled a present out from her pocket. She said she reads my blog and made me a bracelet! Instead of WWJD (which we all agree is cool) she made one that had WWBAD – What Would a Bad Ass Do?

When in doubt, think: What Would a Bad Ass Do?

Day made. Dude, I could come in last and being lying on the floor in a puddle of my own sweat and period blood and I would look at my wrist and think to myself, “A Bad Ass would Persevere.” Thank you, Beatrice! (She’s a talented photographer, check out her work here)

WOD #1
(I posted the details of the WODs on my last blog entry.) So for AMRAP 95# clean and jerks: I only got 34 reps. I didn’t do so well compared to the other women… but I was proud of myself. Like I said, 95# is a lot of weight for me to get overhead. Sarah, of course, got 92 reps! Holy shit! Dawn Hutchinson from CrossFit Wilmington got like 87 or something like that, too. AMAZING! I also met a beautiful girl named Caroline who got around 82. I am in awe of these women! From our gym: Maddie got over 50 and Liz got over 40! I was one of the lowest scoring women… but what would a Bad Ass do??? Be totally proud of everyone else! RESULTS HERE

The boys did great, too! I have to say Nate Storm, Mike Miller, Matt Merrill Tim Caso, Jay Reece – great athletes! They killed it! And Zeke was a great coach, of course – he was a judge that day.

Lunch
We had a quick break for lunch. I probably shouldn’t have eaten, but at that moment I was hungry.

WOD #2
I didn’t think this WOD would be that bad… but when the first 2 heats went – I could tell by the huffing and puffing (and sweat) that this was no easy workout. I didn’t want to do it. The pull-up bar seemed extra thick – so Matt helped me make a tape grip which would help with the deadlifts and the toes to bar. It did! (I was in heat 4)

I felt a lot stronger in this workout. Finished right at 10 minutes. Placed 15th overall. RESULTS HERE

hott... 155# deadlifts make my chin disappear

Finals
Only the top 10 males and females did the third workout. At this point, I can’t imagine having to do a 3rd WOD. They announced it: 125 double unders, 100 air squats, 75 kettlebell swings, 50 burpees, then 25 thrusters at 75# for women! Holy shit!

A guy named Tony from CrossFit Voltage in Charlotte won first place for the guys. Zack Brock from CrossFit Wilmington got 3rd place… damn good! (and good lookin’ too – I tell ya, CrossFittin’ Men are for the most part hotties!)

Sarah D. won first place for women. I think Dawn from CrossFit Wilmington won 3rd!

FINAL RESULTS FOR 3rd WOD HERE

Best Part of the day
Sarah picked me up for a photo opp.

The little show off front squatted me after the pic was snapped

Worst part of the day
Got a migraine on the way home. I was exhausted.

Woke up the next day
Sore as hell. I’ve never felt this sore in my life.

Today
Worked on Christmas cards!

So, that my friends, is how a badass wanna-be spends the weekend! Wearing my new shirt purchased from one of the sponsors at the NC games – Forged Clothing. Badass company started by 2 Navy Seals. Portion of all sales go to military charities like Wounded Warrior. The clothes are HOT – for both men and women. Check ‘em out: forged clothing

Now I’m sitting here working on Christmas cards while Nate is setting up his Facebook page. He’s already up to 42 friends! Uh oh! Competition!

Usually I’m pretty patient…But just recently (the past few days), little things set me off – and I feel like I might catapult myself into a state of internal combustion. In layman’s terms, “Going Ape Shit.”

1
All this week I have forgotten to pack a fork. When I pack my lunch (which is rare, but I’m trying to be good this week) I somehow always forget to pack a utensil to eat the lunch. I get mad (really mad) at “Past Thera” because she fucked “Future Thera” over.

2
Yay! I remembered to pack a fork. I didn’t “protect” it apparently. I just threw it in the same bag with my laptop.

Now that's one way to lose weight! De-prong your fork!

3
Meeting. I had a meeting recently that was very productive… until the next day when the 2 people who didn’t attend the meeting made changes to the outcome we presented. They are good changes… but the follow-up emails and phone calls to make the changes took about 3 times as long as the first meeting they didn’t attend. What a waste of time. I HATE wasting time. I would rather throw cash on the ground (knowing that someone would pick it up and spend it on liquor) than I would waste my time.

Again, not a big deal – but I’ve been fuming about this. Weird, right?

4
My phone didn’t work (for some reason) for about 30 minutes. This entire 30 minutes I sat in a state of pure agitation. Again, that’s psycho.

5
The other day Nate asked me, “Did you study?” (He knew about the final exam I had the next day).
Seriously, Captain – you’ve been gone for 7 months and guess what… I studied all on my own! I didn’t need someone to be accountable to. I’m a grown ass woman!

And no… I didn’t study…

6
Phizz at it again.
You probably don’t have to be hormonally imbalanced for this to piss you off, though.

Phizz - maybe I underestimate her intelligence - she's figured out EVERY WAY to drain us of money

7
The “Fittest Man and Woman” Competition workouts in Durham tomorrow.
I’m totally excited to meet new people and compete… but the workouts they chose just don’t seem to be an accurate way of depicting fitness. To me, any short and squatty overweight strong man or woman could do these workouts.

Maybe I’m just mad because they don’t have pull-ups or ring dips… because those are the only things I’m good at.

EVENT WODs
WOD #1
In 10 minutes, complete as many reps as possible from ground to overhead.
You may use any technique you like to move the load.  Bar must be extended overhead with the knees and hips in full extension.
Men’s Weight:  135lbs     Women’s Weight:  95lbs

WOD #2
21-15-9
Deadlifts (Men: 225lbs, Women: 155lbs)
Box Jumps
Toes To Bar

WOD #3
This is the Final WOD.  Only the Top 10 Men and Women will participate in this workout, which will be announced on Saturday afternoon.

My 118 pound frame is really going to struggle with getting 95 lbs overhead.

Okay, Matt Merrill just called me and told me that I was being a baby pretty much about the WODs chosen. He is right. I’m just mad about the no-pull-up situation. Again… proof that I’m just postal.

So, as you can see… all of these things are not that big of a deal… but they made me go ape shit. I’m sure I’ll get balanced again soon… but in the mean time – just know that you’re walking on egg shells with me.

I considered photoshopping my other arm out, so it would be a legit Iron Cross

So, today I had my final exam in macroeconomics.

We also had our last MBA Association social function for the year.

Upon leaving a cop pulled me over for Texting While Driving.

I told him, “Officer, I was making a phone call.”

He said, “I saw you punching away.”

I said, “I’m about to punch away at your face.”

He drove away in a hurry.

Well, not all that was true.

But… this little badass did NOT get a ticket!
I had some drinks at the social function… I was okay to drive or I wouldn’t have driven… but I am still f-ing lucky for NOT getting a ticket! New lease on life! According to Wife Math – I just made about $200. Wonder what I’ll go buy with my new earnings.

I also got a 4 handstand push-ups (against the wall) today. Badass!

Pictures coming soon!

<it was a good day>

The CrossFit NC games will be held in Durham this weekend… and I’m signed up.

Why?

Maybe because I love public embarrassment?

Have I been training extra hard? No.

Have I been eating right? No.

I am strong? No.

Can I run fast? No.

Oh, Lord. What have I gotten myself into?

They posted the workouts today and the ONLY thing I was hoping for was a WOD with pull-ups… because that’s what I’m good at. But alas, it’s mostly stuff that weighs a lot and I am most definitely going to struggle with.

But!

I do know two things I’m excited about:
The proceeds go to Wounded Warrior Foundation AND I’m going to have FUN!

I’m looking forward to it! Plus I’ll make new friends!

That stands for “withdraw” in university language.

I’m still in the MBA program, but will have to re-take Financial Accounting in order to graduate.

Good news: didn’t have to take final exam tonight. Won’t fail.

Bad news: I just prolonged graduation by a few semesters (until the course is offered again).

Oh well, it could be worse.

I am upset… but not really. Just in a weird mood. It’s just a difficult class that I know I am smart enough to pass – if I can focus and not have distractions like runaway dogs, deployment reunions, vertigo and car accidents. I am grateful that I can re-take it… but I’m disappointed that I had to withdraw, too.

In the big scheme of things… yes it’s disappointing to fail at something… but I have my health, faith and family. I’m alive and I’m moving forward.

The question of course… I’m moving forward, but which way am I going? Where is my path leading me?

I have a lot of little goals… but not really a BIG goal.

Little Goals:
Getting CrossFit Cert in January.
Hopefully getting Masters in Business in December of 2011.
Want to get muscle-up.
Want to get a single job (not all the little ones I have now) that compensates me for my hard work.

Okay — those are some little goals… but what’s the BIG one?

I taught a Bible study about “finding your gifts and talents for purpose.” I also led a mission trip with the Serventrepreneur Foundation that focused on this premise as well. These things led me to the MBA program… but now I’m looking beyond that and wondering… what’s NEXT?

I want to sit back and enjoy the moment… but I can’t. I’m not worried… I just want to make sure the time I’m spending now is fruitful… that it’s part of a bigger picture.

I think I’m A.D. D. I love CrossFit… but do I want to own my own box… not really. I love business… but do I want to start my own? Been there, done that and I’m still recovering. I love teaching… but do I want to be a professor? That would require a doctorate. I love bacon and cheese… but do I want to own a bacon a cheese deli?

Do you feel the same way about life?
Maybe it’s my age or being a wife of a talented pilot who’s got shit figured out… he’s got goals and a life plan… he’s using is talents for GOOD… and I’m a little jealous.

So big “W” — withdrawn.

Badass!

I’ll set the scene:
Homecomings are a wonderful thing. My favorite part is the energy. Wives are nervously tugging and readjusting their dresses purchased just for this occasion. Parents of Marines are beaming with relief that their child is coming home safely. Children of the deployed Marines are on their worst behavior – because they don’t understand why mommy is smiling and crying at the same time. You hear the helicopters in the distance … and you know… in a few minutes you’re going to smell that familiar scent of hydraulic fluid and engine exhaust wrapped around your body in  an embrace that you’ve missed for 7 months.

The anticipation builds as the crowd inches closer towards the flight line

The engines all shut off dramatically at the same time. Your heart stops as you watch the Marines get into formation. The Commanding Officer shouts, “Job well done.” They respond, “Hoorah!” and then… he says, “dismissed.” The crowd runs toward the sea of sexy uniformed Marines.

This is where TStorm turned into a CrossFit badass.

The last time it took me 20 minutes to find Nate. I vowed to do this homecoming as RX’d and beat my last time by at least 5 minutes.

I think I elbowed a baby on my way to find Nate in the crowd.

First Hug

It was an amazing homecoming… the Johnson Family was there. Tarrah took photos – I can’t wait to see them! My mom was there as well as Nate’s Dad and step mom.

Then… some drama:

Nate rode with me back home and my mom got into Nate’s dad’s car with Elaine… we we’re on our way home (we live about 40 minutes from the base.) Then my phone rang… my mom called me crying. I heard the ambulance in the background. They had gotten into a car accident.

Nate and I had to get his truck first, then we rushed back to Jacksonville. Elaine and my mom were already at the hospital. Nate’s dad was with the totaled vehicle. Elaine was hurt and all we knew was that we had to get to the hospital as soon as we could.

We were there until about 11pm. It was a rough night… but it turned out that everyone was okay – or as good as can be expected.

Sad Nate - he comes home to have a night at the hospital - worried about the family.

We still had the steak dinner that Nate wanted when we got home… and we were all safely in bed by 2am.

Of course…

I had my Saturday MBA class the next day from 9 to 4… I couldn’t get out of it!

So I was in class all day – like a spazzy puppy – too distracted to pay attention and wanting to get back home to play.

My friend Jennifer set up my house beautifully and Nate ran errands — so we were able to have a kick ass party Saturday night… almost all of our dearest friends made it! The house was packed. We celebrated with cigars from Brookeynn Cigars. Steve, the owner, brought cigar cutters and coupons for everyone who came. It was an amazing evening.

Now today is Sunday and I have to study for Financial Accounting… I have my final exam tomorrow. Then I have an exam in Macroeconomics on Thursday.

Whew! What a whirlwind, right?

But… we’re all safe, healthy and happy. What more could we ask for?

He’s back! (And already doing muscle ups in the garage!)

Silly boy gets back from deployment and sets up rings in garage so he can do muscle-ups